There's a lot on my mental plate right now, which generally means that I have a desperate longing for purging my thoughts via blogging, but that I generally don't allow myself the time because things Must Be Done!
My prayer for the past several months has been "Please, I need something different!" I didn't know what that difference needed to be, I just knew that it needed... to be.
Living a stagnant life is not something that I'm willing to do, and I was feeling that way. Job the same. House the same. Personal life the same. School the same. Something needed to give.
I needed to get outside of my box.
And God answered.
Starting in April, I'll be traveling for work for at least six weeks, could be longer dependent on the powers that be in United Land. Still a trainer. Still for United, but a smaller subsidiary, with new customers, systems and guidelines.
The hotel is beautiful, and when I get excited about the ammenities, my supervisor graciously reminds me that I have to train while I'm there, not just swim. Killjoy.
When the panic of short deadlines, and large stacks of paper to wade through sets in I keep reminding myself, "This is what you want! And asking to get outside of the box entails... getting out of the box! Do it up!"
The snow is melting! The air smells fresh! And I saw one of Mrs Holland's beloved bluebirds tonight!
Spring is on the way - outside, and in my heart!
I aim to find joy in every step of this journey!
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Saturday, February 28, 2009
What Is Joy To You?
In school a few weeks ago my instructor said "Each of us was created for joy."
Webster defines joy as "a feeling of happiness that comes from success, good fortune, or a sense of well-being... a source of happiness."
I'd always thought of joy as some manic happiness that never left. And that to be a joy-filleld person, I could never feel anything but pure elation!
But after much soul-searching, and God-searching, I define joy as an inner core knowledge of who I am, and where I fit into His plan.
Looking at it that way brings relief to my perfectionist heart. Knowing that if I have a bad day, I have not become someone who has "lost their joy."
How do you define it?
Webster defines joy as "a feeling of happiness that comes from success, good fortune, or a sense of well-being... a source of happiness."
I'd always thought of joy as some manic happiness that never left. And that to be a joy-filleld person, I could never feel anything but pure elation!
But after much soul-searching, and God-searching, I define joy as an inner core knowledge of who I am, and where I fit into His plan.
Looking at it that way brings relief to my perfectionist heart. Knowing that if I have a bad day, I have not become someone who has "lost their joy."
How do you define it?
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
My Turn Now
He worked the night shift
I'd strain my ears for the sound of his car
A brief honk
I'd smile and roll over
His goodnight honk, my small body's permission to go to sleep
Now I am the driver in the dark, but mine is early morning
As I pass their house, I gently tap my horn
My way of repaying all those nightly messages
And I smile
I'd strain my ears for the sound of his car
A brief honk
I'd smile and roll over
His goodnight honk, my small body's permission to go to sleep
Now I am the driver in the dark, but mine is early morning
As I pass their house, I gently tap my horn
My way of repaying all those nightly messages
And I smile
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
Work Hazards
I spend a lot of time on the door signs for my classes that I teach at work.
People know this.
They also know I have a severe case of OCD when it comes to my door signs.
And some of my co-workers take no end of glee in marring my masterpieces with small dots of ink.
To prevent that, I just posted this note next to my newest sign.
People know this.
They also know I have a severe case of OCD when it comes to my door signs.
And some of my co-workers take no end of glee in marring my masterpieces with small dots of ink.
To prevent that, I just posted this note next to my newest sign.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Exercisers Anonymous
"Hi, my name is Lindsay, and I hate exercising."
(I should be hearing a rousing "Hi Lindsay" from those of you who also feel this way!)
I truly, truly hate it. I hate spelling it because I'm always wanting to add a "c" after the "x", and I hate doing it.
A couple nights ago I was with a friend and she said, "Lindsay - I've known you for over two years. I know you're not an angry person. I've never seen you angry... except for when you talk about exercising. Then you scare me a little."
The experts say you should find something you love to do. Great point. Thank you, experts.
I love kickboxing! And did it for quite awhile, but it's across the road from work. I get out of work around 4:00... kickboxing starts at 6:30. I don't want to hang around the thriving metropolis of Hooksett for 2.5 hours, nor do I want to drive half an hour home, change, drive half an hour back, get my butt kicked for an hour, and drive the half an hour home again!
So, I got the videos. Billy Bob, Billy Bo, OH - Billy BLANKS! Not really a good time.
This New Year's I made the "resolution" that I had to exercise before watching TV in the evening.
In order to do that, I decided to take the expert's advice and find something I liked to do. I found a dance video that I thought would be way more fun than an aerobic one. Here's the unfortunate thing. Don't know if it was my upbringing where dancing was not quite the thing to do, or if no one told me that my hips were actually fused at birth, but I am NOT a gifted dancer. I knew this about myself, but thought maybe a video would help. I get more of a workout laughing at my uncoordinated self, then I do from actually dancing. (side-note: In my mind I am an amazing dancer... practically a prima dona. On the dance floor, I am more like an epileptic squirrel. True Fact.)
But even this video, with it's laughter inducing moves, is getting on my nerves. The last time I did it I thought I might have a stroke, because she kept saying things like "The higher you jump, the more calories you burn" and I would yell at her that I was jumping as high as I could, thank you very much. Then she'd say "Give it all the energy you can" to which I screamed that I didn't have any energy left, and would she please leave me alone.
My favorite exercise is to just take walks. But trying to take walks during the winter in NH is a post of its own... snow banks, snow plows, ice, leave for work when it's dark, get back when it's dark... well, you get the gist and now I don't need to write a new post.
If only my inner rage at exercise itself could burn calories, instead of raise my blood pressure, I'd be all set.
Funny thing is, this entire post was created while I was taking a two mile walk today... in sub-zero temps, climbing on snow banks when cars came, wondering just how long cheeks have to be exposed before they are frost-bitten, and proudly wearing the red hat that Evan informed me make me look like an old lady in a crosswalk.
Thank you for your time.
(I should be hearing a rousing "Hi Lindsay" from those of you who also feel this way!)
I truly, truly hate it. I hate spelling it because I'm always wanting to add a "c" after the "x", and I hate doing it.
A couple nights ago I was with a friend and she said, "Lindsay - I've known you for over two years. I know you're not an angry person. I've never seen you angry... except for when you talk about exercising. Then you scare me a little."
The experts say you should find something you love to do. Great point. Thank you, experts.
I love kickboxing! And did it for quite awhile, but it's across the road from work. I get out of work around 4:00... kickboxing starts at 6:30. I don't want to hang around the thriving metropolis of Hooksett for 2.5 hours, nor do I want to drive half an hour home, change, drive half an hour back, get my butt kicked for an hour, and drive the half an hour home again!
So, I got the videos. Billy Bob, Billy Bo, OH - Billy BLANKS! Not really a good time.
This New Year's I made the "resolution" that I had to exercise before watching TV in the evening.
In order to do that, I decided to take the expert's advice and find something I liked to do. I found a dance video that I thought would be way more fun than an aerobic one. Here's the unfortunate thing. Don't know if it was my upbringing where dancing was not quite the thing to do, or if no one told me that my hips were actually fused at birth, but I am NOT a gifted dancer. I knew this about myself, but thought maybe a video would help. I get more of a workout laughing at my uncoordinated self, then I do from actually dancing. (side-note: In my mind I am an amazing dancer... practically a prima dona. On the dance floor, I am more like an epileptic squirrel. True Fact.)
But even this video, with it's laughter inducing moves, is getting on my nerves. The last time I did it I thought I might have a stroke, because she kept saying things like "The higher you jump, the more calories you burn" and I would yell at her that I was jumping as high as I could, thank you very much. Then she'd say "Give it all the energy you can" to which I screamed that I didn't have any energy left, and would she please leave me alone.
My favorite exercise is to just take walks. But trying to take walks during the winter in NH is a post of its own... snow banks, snow plows, ice, leave for work when it's dark, get back when it's dark... well, you get the gist and now I don't need to write a new post.
If only my inner rage at exercise itself could burn calories, instead of raise my blood pressure, I'd be all set.
Funny thing is, this entire post was created while I was taking a two mile walk today... in sub-zero temps, climbing on snow banks when cars came, wondering just how long cheeks have to be exposed before they are frost-bitten, and proudly wearing the red hat that Evan informed me make me look like an old lady in a crosswalk.
Thank you for your time.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
AJ?? AJ Jacobs??
Having laughed out loud on almost every page of "The Year of Living Biblically" by A. J. Jacobs, I decided that a stop at Barnes & Noble was in order on Friday night, to pick up a copy of "The Know-it-All," also by him.
To save time, or because I had been unable to find it - take your pick, I went to the reference desk to ask where it was located, and while I was there, overheard another patron asking for the same book. However, he gave the wrong last name of the author. His girlfriend looked at him quizzically, asking why he was looking for a book about a guy who reads the Encyclopedia from A-Z and he informed her in a condescending tone that he had read a previous book by this author (insert wrong last name) and it was funny.
I followed the reference desk clerk to the humor section like a little lamb (however, there was very little bleating on my part, and very little being-named-Mary on her part) and saw that there were only two copies of this book left. I grabbed one for myself, and took the other copy to bestow upon my fellow seeker back at the reference desk. Because, I'm sure you'll find it surprising that his clerk was having a hard time finding said book under the wrong author's name.
Walking up to the man, I said, "Not that I was eavesdropping, but here is the book you were looking for." He grunted "oh" and took it from me. Hardly the kiss on the neck I was expecting... oh wait - that's someone ELSE who always kisses me on the neck in Barnes & Noble!
I went up to pay for my book, a little saddened in the Good Samaritan department, but excited nonetheless to buy my book and get home to crack it.
After dinner, I assumed my favorite reading position of on my stomach on my living room floor to begin laughing and getting smarter, as I read AJ's book on his quest to become the smartest person in the world by reading the entire Encyclopedia Britannica through.
And I fell asleep.
At 8:30. On a Friday night.
Apparently I was a little more tired than I thought. So, I went to bed and slept for 12 hours. But on Saturday, I began to read in earnest, and have laughed many, many times since!
The way he documents interjecting what he is currently learning into all his conversations kills me. It reminds me of when I read all the books by Linda Greenlaw about being a female lobster fisher"man" off the coast of Maine. And I had so many random lobster facts in my head, that they overflowed into all aspects of my life... until my friends graciously informed me that they were not nearly as interested in these books as I was, and could I periodically have a conversation that did not include crustaceans, please and thank you.
One thing that particularly hit my funny bone was a list of 10 suggestions to do with your life, to have a shot at being written into this great volume... and #10 is to "Become a liturgical vestment: I know this is easier said than done, but since every garment ever worn by a religious figure gets a nice picture..."
I've been blogging for years, and those of you who read my blog know that I rarely do book reports. I can most likely count on one hand the number of times I've written up what I was currently reading. So now, I'll let you in on a secret.
I learned in "The Year of Living Biblically" that A. J. Jacobs googles himself... rather frequently. And after having a conversation with some friends yesterday, I began to wonder at how big Google really is. So I decided to write a post about him, and see if Google can connect his Manhattan-ness with my NH-ness. If so, I will pronounce Google quite clever... quite clever indeed.
To save time, or because I had been unable to find it - take your pick, I went to the reference desk to ask where it was located, and while I was there, overheard another patron asking for the same book. However, he gave the wrong last name of the author. His girlfriend looked at him quizzically, asking why he was looking for a book about a guy who reads the Encyclopedia from A-Z and he informed her in a condescending tone that he had read a previous book by this author (insert wrong last name) and it was funny.
I followed the reference desk clerk to the humor section like a little lamb (however, there was very little bleating on my part, and very little being-named-Mary on her part) and saw that there were only two copies of this book left. I grabbed one for myself, and took the other copy to bestow upon my fellow seeker back at the reference desk. Because, I'm sure you'll find it surprising that his clerk was having a hard time finding said book under the wrong author's name.
Walking up to the man, I said, "Not that I was eavesdropping, but here is the book you were looking for." He grunted "oh" and took it from me. Hardly the kiss on the neck I was expecting... oh wait - that's someone ELSE who always kisses me on the neck in Barnes & Noble!
I went up to pay for my book, a little saddened in the Good Samaritan department, but excited nonetheless to buy my book and get home to crack it.
After dinner, I assumed my favorite reading position of on my stomach on my living room floor to begin laughing and getting smarter, as I read AJ's book on his quest to become the smartest person in the world by reading the entire Encyclopedia Britannica through.
And I fell asleep.
At 8:30. On a Friday night.
Apparently I was a little more tired than I thought. So, I went to bed and slept for 12 hours. But on Saturday, I began to read in earnest, and have laughed many, many times since!
The way he documents interjecting what he is currently learning into all his conversations kills me. It reminds me of when I read all the books by Linda Greenlaw about being a female lobster fisher"man" off the coast of Maine. And I had so many random lobster facts in my head, that they overflowed into all aspects of my life... until my friends graciously informed me that they were not nearly as interested in these books as I was, and could I periodically have a conversation that did not include crustaceans, please and thank you.
One thing that particularly hit my funny bone was a list of 10 suggestions to do with your life, to have a shot at being written into this great volume... and #10 is to "Become a liturgical vestment: I know this is easier said than done, but since every garment ever worn by a religious figure gets a nice picture..."
I've been blogging for years, and those of you who read my blog know that I rarely do book reports. I can most likely count on one hand the number of times I've written up what I was currently reading. So now, I'll let you in on a secret.
I learned in "The Year of Living Biblically" that A. J. Jacobs googles himself... rather frequently. And after having a conversation with some friends yesterday, I began to wonder at how big Google really is. So I decided to write a post about him, and see if Google can connect his Manhattan-ness with my NH-ness. If so, I will pronounce Google quite clever... quite clever indeed.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Mystery of Tears
Within five days I held a baby who was hours old, watched a bride and groom begin on the journey as husband and wife, and attended a funeral for a man who was much too young and healthy to leave this world.
All of those events included tears.
Some joy. Some sorrow.
And I wondered about the tears.
A baby... just hours old. A small piece of Heaven. What joy he brings to those whose lives he'll enrich. And yet, life is ahead of him. And life includes growth. And growth includes pain.
A union... just hours old. A foretaste of Heaven. What joy that brings to the two involved, as well as to their families and friends. And yet, marriage is ahead of them. And marriage includes growth. And growth includes pain.
A death... A closeness to Heaven. The only scenario that does not include impending growth and pain for the individual. And yet, the scenario where the most tears are shed.
Emotions are strange, yet beautiful things.
All of those events included tears.
Some joy. Some sorrow.
And I wondered about the tears.
A baby... just hours old. A small piece of Heaven. What joy he brings to those whose lives he'll enrich. And yet, life is ahead of him. And life includes growth. And growth includes pain.
A union... just hours old. A foretaste of Heaven. What joy that brings to the two involved, as well as to their families and friends. And yet, marriage is ahead of them. And marriage includes growth. And growth includes pain.
A death... A closeness to Heaven. The only scenario that does not include impending growth and pain for the individual. And yet, the scenario where the most tears are shed.
Emotions are strange, yet beautiful things.
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
Story People
this is a picture of the future
and you'll notice that there's a lot of blank space
because people haven't made up their minds about it
and the future doesn't have a lot of time
for that kind of indecisiveness
From one of my all-time favorite artists...
From one of my all-time favorite artists...Monday, January 05, 2009
My Mantra
"Criticism doesn't bother me...
unless
it's from a stranger,
an acquaintance,
a co-worker,
a friend
or a family member"
-gleaned this quote from the web, and couldn't find an author to attribute it to
unless
it's from a stranger,
an acquaintance,
a co-worker,
a friend
or a family member"
-gleaned this quote from the web, and couldn't find an author to attribute it to
Sunday, January 04, 2009
L*I*N*D*S*A*Y
I love my name. Always have.
There are, however, a multitude of ways to spell the name that I am called by.
I've seen them all. Been addressed by them all.
The most common is replacing the "a" with an "e."
Or forgetting the "d" in the middle.
The most creative I have seen was "Lynnzee."
Until yesterday.
I ordered take-out. Spelled my name at least three times for the exasperated person on the other end of the phone.
And when I went to pick up my food, I saw on the tag.
LRNCSY
And now I have seen them all.
There are, however, a multitude of ways to spell the name that I am called by.
I've seen them all. Been addressed by them all.
The most common is replacing the "a" with an "e."
Or forgetting the "d" in the middle.
The most creative I have seen was "Lynnzee."
Until yesterday.
I ordered take-out. Spelled my name at least three times for the exasperated person on the other end of the phone.
And when I went to pick up my food, I saw on the tag.
LRNCSY
And now I have seen them all.
Saturday, January 03, 2009
It's a New Year
And new years traditionally bring the excitement of a clean slate!
The looking back on the old.
The longing for the new!
In thinking about the past year, the word that I've decided sums it up is...
Intense.
2008 was incredibly intense.
But good. Oh so good.
It was a year of intense growth.
Which comes with a price tag of intense pain.
But brings the gift of intense joy.
And with the joy... freedom. A sense of flying.
And I long for 2009 to build on the foundation that was laid in 2008.
God and I had a year of reconnecting.
I felt like my extreme need for Him was almost physical.
The intensity of wanting to be in His word.
That almost desperate longing for being in constant contact was something I'd always wanted, but never quite had.
2008 was a year of getting on my knees before God almost daily
and then learning how to get on my face before Him.
It was a year of learning how to be me... unapologetically.
And beginning to care what He thinks more than what others do.
It was a year of finding the spine I've always had, but never quite known how to use.
A year of taking baby steps towards healthily learning how to say no.
And with all of these things, a deep down joy started returning to my life.
So, now in 2009, my prayer is a life FILLED TO OVERFLOWING with joy!
Getting full gulps instead of the sips of joy and freedom I experienced in 2008.
The looking back on the old.
The longing for the new!
In thinking about the past year, the word that I've decided sums it up is...
Intense.
2008 was incredibly intense.
But good. Oh so good.
It was a year of intense growth.
Which comes with a price tag of intense pain.
But brings the gift of intense joy.
And with the joy... freedom. A sense of flying.
And I long for 2009 to build on the foundation that was laid in 2008.
God and I had a year of reconnecting.
I felt like my extreme need for Him was almost physical.
The intensity of wanting to be in His word.
That almost desperate longing for being in constant contact was something I'd always wanted, but never quite had.
2008 was a year of getting on my knees before God almost daily
and then learning how to get on my face before Him.
It was a year of learning how to be me... unapologetically.
And beginning to care what He thinks more than what others do.
It was a year of finding the spine I've always had, but never quite known how to use.
A year of taking baby steps towards healthily learning how to say no.
And with all of these things, a deep down joy started returning to my life.
So, now in 2009, my prayer is a life FILLED TO OVERFLOWING with joy!
Getting full gulps instead of the sips of joy and freedom I experienced in 2008.
Friday, January 02, 2009
My Life at Work
I am currently surrounded by:
one chewing ice
one chomping almonds
one yelling into the phone
one snapping gum
For people who love repetitive noises as much as I do... this is awesome.
And that is why God created headphones!
one chewing ice
one chomping almonds
one yelling into the phone
one snapping gum
For people who love repetitive noises as much as I do... this is awesome.
And that is why God created headphones!
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
arms
arms open wide
in
gut-wrenching sobs
jubilant shouting
heart-rending sobs
radiant joy
complete devotion
settled calm
genuine comfort
unabashed praise
trying to emulate
His
ultimate arms
open wide
in
gut-wrenching sobs
jubilant shouting
heart-rending sobs
radiant joy
complete devotion
settled calm
genuine comfort
unabashed praise
trying to emulate
His
ultimate arms
open wide
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
Friday, November 28, 2008
Texting
I love my new phone... more than any phone I've had. Partly I love it because it's beautiful and orange! Partly I love it because it sings "Sweet Caroline" whenever it rings! But mostly I love it because it makes my life of texting so darn easy!
Texting is much more my friend than talking on the phone is. There are a few people in my life who I am very comfortable talking to on the phone, but I much prefer to text.
And this phone has a keypad to make all my texting dreams come true!
The only thing I do not love about it, is that I can only store 40 texts on it before it starts to tell me in no uncertain terms that my MAILBOX IS OVER IT'S LIMIT!
For a words of affirmation person, it's hard for me to delete texts. I look back at them, and smile because I can remember where I was when I got them... or keep them because they make me laugh, no matter how many times I've read them.
And I had an idea, plagarized from someone else's blog - I'll write them down! And then I wont be as sad to delete them, and my box can be filled with even MORE words of aff!
So, here are some of the gems that make me coo :)
You were on my "list" Lindsay Jones. Love you!
Awwwwwww... with accompanying finger wiggle. See u in a few.
I had a dream where you looked very cute in a top hat but not so cute in a jumpsuit made out of my comforter cover
I LOVE U
Obamer yer mamer!
STRUMPET!!!
Anytime. I am not overly emotional, but I wanted you to know much you mean to me.
He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it. I'm loving you, my best girls, today.
At this juncture I would like to say tru dat yo and good morning.
You too! And stop thinking about my legs!
You make me smile on the inside and outside! Goodnight precious!
Don't worry about it... I like the grumpy dwarf.
Let us take on this day and wrassle it to the ground til it bawls for mama!
Thanks! Its really rainy and I'm sick... so hopefully it will go well! Have good times with Jesus! :D
Daph is lying in her crib looking at her toes chanting "Aunt Winsey"
A heart and a spine!
Thanks! Go Jesus!!
HAPPY FRIDAY!!! Lots of Sabbath love to you from Jerusalem - your black friend
Texting is much more my friend than talking on the phone is. There are a few people in my life who I am very comfortable talking to on the phone, but I much prefer to text.
And this phone has a keypad to make all my texting dreams come true!
The only thing I do not love about it, is that I can only store 40 texts on it before it starts to tell me in no uncertain terms that my MAILBOX IS OVER IT'S LIMIT!
For a words of affirmation person, it's hard for me to delete texts. I look back at them, and smile because I can remember where I was when I got them... or keep them because they make me laugh, no matter how many times I've read them.
And I had an idea, plagarized from someone else's blog - I'll write them down! And then I wont be as sad to delete them, and my box can be filled with even MORE words of aff!
So, here are some of the gems that make me coo :)
You were on my "list" Lindsay Jones. Love you!
Awwwwwww... with accompanying finger wiggle. See u in a few.
I had a dream where you looked very cute in a top hat but not so cute in a jumpsuit made out of my comforter cover
I LOVE U
Obamer yer mamer!
STRUMPET!!!
Anytime. I am not overly emotional, but I wanted you to know much you mean to me.
He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it. I'm loving you, my best girls, today.
At this juncture I would like to say tru dat yo and good morning.
You too! And stop thinking about my legs!
You make me smile on the inside and outside! Goodnight precious!
Don't worry about it... I like the grumpy dwarf.
Let us take on this day and wrassle it to the ground til it bawls for mama!
Thanks! Its really rainy and I'm sick... so hopefully it will go well! Have good times with Jesus! :D
Daph is lying in her crib looking at her toes chanting "Aunt Winsey"
A heart and a spine!
Thanks! Go Jesus!!
HAPPY FRIDAY!!! Lots of Sabbath love to you from Jerusalem - your black friend
Monday, November 24, 2008
The Layers
I have walked through many lives,
some of them my own,
and I am not who I was,
though some principle of being abides,
from which I struggle not to stray.
When I look behind,
as I am compelled to look
before I can gather strength
to proceed on my journey,
I see the milestones dwindling
toward the horizon
and the slow fires trailing
from the abandoned camp-sites,
over which scavenger angels
wheel on heavy wings.
Oh, I have made myself a tribe
out of my true affections,
and my tribe is scattered!
How shall the heart be reconciled
to its feast of losses?
In a rising wind
the manic dust of my friends,
those who fell along the way,
bitterly stings my face.
Yet I turn, I turn,
exulting somewhat,
with my will intact to go
wherever I need to go,
and every stone on the road
precious to me.
In my darkest night,
when the moon was covered
and I roamed through wreckage,
a nimbus-clouded voice
directed me:
"Live in the layers,
not on the litter."
Though I lack the art
to decipher it,
no doubt the next chapter
in my book of transformations
is already written.
I am not done with my changes.
-Stanley Kunitz
some of them my own,
and I am not who I was,
though some principle of being abides,
from which I struggle not to stray.
When I look behind,
as I am compelled to look
before I can gather strength
to proceed on my journey,
I see the milestones dwindling
toward the horizon
and the slow fires trailing
from the abandoned camp-sites,
over which scavenger angels
wheel on heavy wings.
Oh, I have made myself a tribe
out of my true affections,
and my tribe is scattered!
How shall the heart be reconciled
to its feast of losses?
In a rising wind
the manic dust of my friends,
those who fell along the way,
bitterly stings my face.
Yet I turn, I turn,
exulting somewhat,
with my will intact to go
wherever I need to go,
and every stone on the road
precious to me.
In my darkest night,
when the moon was covered
and I roamed through wreckage,
a nimbus-clouded voice
directed me:
"Live in the layers,
not on the litter."
Though I lack the art
to decipher it,
no doubt the next chapter
in my book of transformations
is already written.
I am not done with my changes.
-Stanley Kunitz
Monday, November 10, 2008
A Tad Bit Sad...
My blog has been my happy place since 2004.
For all of those years, whenever anything happened in my life, be it happy or sad, my internal thought process was always, "I can't wait to blog about this."
It's been my way of processing much of what has occurred in these last four years.
Life has been incredibly busy. It always will be.
But this time around my blog has been the first thing to suffer.
And it makes me sad.
For all of those years, whenever anything happened in my life, be it happy or sad, my internal thought process was always, "I can't wait to blog about this."
It's been my way of processing much of what has occurred in these last four years.
Life has been incredibly busy. It always will be.
But this time around my blog has been the first thing to suffer.
And it makes me sad.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Longing
Last night during class we did meditation.
Focusing on being grounded... rooted in Mother Earth.
And as I listened, I realized - I'm so tired of earth.
I don't want to go any deeper.
I long for the Heavenly!
While the instructor had us focusing on roots growing out of our feet, I was focusing on my arms getting longer - reaching... reaching for what I know is mine.
I want to sing at the top of my lungs!
I want to dance with abandon!
I want to fling my arms wide and twirl endlessly!
I want to run into Jesus' open arms!
Part of my mind sees this so clearly... because part of my heart is already there... singing, dancing, twirling, running.
She helps keep my eyes focused on what's to come.
She reminds me that she's already there... that it's worth it to keep on keeping on.
Today she would have been 28.
I love you, Mindy Dawn.
Happy Birthday.
Focusing on being grounded... rooted in Mother Earth.
And as I listened, I realized - I'm so tired of earth.
I don't want to go any deeper.
I long for the Heavenly!
While the instructor had us focusing on roots growing out of our feet, I was focusing on my arms getting longer - reaching... reaching for what I know is mine.
I want to sing at the top of my lungs!
I want to dance with abandon!
I want to fling my arms wide and twirl endlessly!
I want to run into Jesus' open arms!
Part of my mind sees this so clearly... because part of my heart is already there... singing, dancing, twirling, running.
She helps keep my eyes focused on what's to come.
She reminds me that she's already there... that it's worth it to keep on keeping on.
Today she would have been 28.
I love you, Mindy Dawn.
Happy Birthday.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Rest
This afternoon I was lying on my bed in Mike & Rachelle's guest room, with a four year old curled up by side, both of reading, and I thought, "I'm re-teaching my body how to rest."
And I love it.
Taking two classes this semester has been really good for me, especially to prove to myself that I could do it... but it's exhausted me. I'm so grateful that one of the classes is over, and that I'm now on vacation in Washington.
And I realized that part of my rest has been this. There are no expectations on me out here. More than that... I have no expectations of myself for this week.
Rachelle & I lived together in VA for over a year. We already know what to expect from each other.
And beyond being a part of their daily lives, and bask in the joy of seeing them after over a year of being apart, there's nothing else for me to do.
It's been a wonderful break!
When I got in on Saturday, we took the ferry into Seattle, and then went to a fish ladder & botanical garden.
On Sunday, we drove to Mt Ranier, and the weather was amazing, so we could see it from miles away, and had a perfect view from the visitor center at the base. We hiked, laughed, took pictures, and enjoyed the beautiful day and God's amazing handiwork.
Yesterday Mike had to work, but the rest of us stayed in our pajamas for a good part of the morning, and just had a lazy day.
I've gone to bed early each night, and been able to sleep in.
I've gotten to be "Ant Lindsay" (a big difference after being "Ont Lindsay" to all my east coast kids) to a precious four & almost two year old.
There are not many people outside of family that I can truly let my guard down around... maybe that's why I think of Mike & Rachelle as part of my family, because it's so easy to just be me around them.
And to think... I have four more days of this.
Bliss.
And I love it.
Taking two classes this semester has been really good for me, especially to prove to myself that I could do it... but it's exhausted me. I'm so grateful that one of the classes is over, and that I'm now on vacation in Washington.
And I realized that part of my rest has been this. There are no expectations on me out here. More than that... I have no expectations of myself for this week.
Rachelle & I lived together in VA for over a year. We already know what to expect from each other.
And beyond being a part of their daily lives, and bask in the joy of seeing them after over a year of being apart, there's nothing else for me to do.
It's been a wonderful break!
When I got in on Saturday, we took the ferry into Seattle, and then went to a fish ladder & botanical garden.
On Sunday, we drove to Mt Ranier, and the weather was amazing, so we could see it from miles away, and had a perfect view from the visitor center at the base. We hiked, laughed, took pictures, and enjoyed the beautiful day and God's amazing handiwork.
Yesterday Mike had to work, but the rest of us stayed in our pajamas for a good part of the morning, and just had a lazy day.
I've gone to bed early each night, and been able to sleep in.
I've gotten to be "Ant Lindsay" (a big difference after being "Ont Lindsay" to all my east coast kids) to a precious four & almost two year old.
There are not many people outside of family that I can truly let my guard down around... maybe that's why I think of Mike & Rachelle as part of my family, because it's so easy to just be me around them.
And to think... I have four more days of this.
Bliss.
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