Several weeks ago I went out to dinner with a friend... and then coffee... and then a little perusal of the treasures that
TJ Maxx has to offer.
And while we were in
TJ Maxx, I spent the best $2.99 of my life, for I discovered and purchased a little book entitled "1001 Ways to Meet Mr Right." Classic!
I had already gotten my three dollars worth out of it by the time we exited the store, as I had followed him around while he shopped for shirts, laughing and reading him ridiculous
excerpts.
The woman who wrote this book is all kinds of serious about her topic, but my gosh, she is out of control. Not only does she give a full paragraph on each place to go, she also put pros and cons on some of her best ideas.
Allow me to share some of my faves.
Tattoo parlor - now on this one, she graciously listed pros and cons... the con she chose was "Hepatitis." Well yes, I would agree that hepatitis is pretty high on my con list, but she did also admit that most tattoo parlors in our era are clean
Writing your will - "...gives you the opportunity to have a face-to-face meeting with a handsome, eligible lawyer... do a little research and find a single, male lawyer..." Con on this one? "Lawyers may not be your type."
Maternity Ward - she does tell you not to go after the new dads, but holds out hope that new babies have uncles or that the new dads have friends. But really, let's talk about this for a bit. Are you supposed to wait until a friend has a child? Or do a stake out at the local hospital? She doesn't say, therefore I am flummoxed. Probably wont use this tip, since there was so little guidance. Also, no pros and cons listed.
Out with your brother - this one made me laugh out loud. My brothers are a pastor and a lawyer (not single, ladies, so don't ask him to draw up your will!) and I've often said that if I ever bring someone home, they'd have it worse off with the boys than with Dad. I just
dont see D&E as my wing men.
In a car accident - "... certainly not to suggest that you should go around aiming at cars in hopes of getting in a car accident..." This one is kind of two for the price of one. She not only talks about the other person involved, but maybe even a cute police officer will show up.
Swiss Alps - if I spend the money to go to the Swiss Alps, and there is not an amazingly attractive man holding a sign that says "Lindsay - I am your Mr Right" I am going to be seriously ticked off.
The Mutual UFO Network - "If you have always had a fascination with outer space... consider joining." Words fail me.
In traffic - You'll be glad to know that now not only do you have to worry about someone talking on their cell, or
texting, or just plain not paying attention. Oh no. Now there is a website called
flirtingintraffic.com where you register and are issued a sticker for your car with an ID on it, so that if someone thinks you are cute and they are ALSO registered on this website, they can write down your information from your sticker (for the sake of myself, driving alongside these people, I trust that the stickers are gigantic, and the numbers are short, so there is not a lot of squinting and writing involved, to take their eyes off the road) and contact you. The con in this is obvious: "... only be effective if more and more flirtatious drivers catch on."
Working as a florist - "Sure, florists get a lot of men coming in to buy flowers for their wives or girlfriends. But sometimes relationships don't work out."
Proviso: If your sister, mother, wife, girlfriend, aunt or cousin is the author of this book, I apologize for any hurt feelings you might have gotten with the mocking tone you have most likely perceived in the above paragraphs. If you met your spouse in one of the above situations, I also apologize.
