A Savior Complex

In an evening meeting last week, Pastor Tad mentioned how as alive Christians we need to be able to feel other people's pain. He talked about bearing other's burdens. And I agreed... his talk excited me, because I love people and yearn to help... yet the thought also exhausted me, because I often allow myself to feel their pain much too deeply.

And as I talked with Amy about it afterwards, and continued thinking about it throughout the week, I realized the exhaustive panic comes from carrying all the pain myself. I forget to take the next step, and lay the pain down at the foot of the cross.

There are times that I am not called to go through the deep waters that others have been called to go though.

Nor have I been called to save the people who are in those waters. That was already done... by Someone much more qualified than myself.

I have merely been called to support... and to take the hurt, anger, pain, sickness, sadness, and brokenness to the place it belongs... to the cross... and then to leave it there.

The Return of The Swamp Rat

Back in June, I posted about my leaking car that turned my "I-need-to-wear-this-jacket-because-the-AC-at-work-was-on-overdrive" jean jacket into a thing reeking of swampness.

This morning I pulled out that same jacket, because Fall is fast descending on this great state!

And as I did so, I got a strange whiff... of swamp.

WHO, I ask you, in ALL OF CREATION just hangs a swamp-smelling jacket up in the coat closet without WASHING the swampness out of it first?? Just so that two months down the road, one can be surprised all over again by the joy of repelling all those around them with the stench.

Apparently, that would be me.

Once I Was Afraid - I Was Petrified...

I signed up to take Basic Anatomy & Physiology. And I was really excited about said class. It begins in just a few weeks, so I decided to get a jump-start on learning. I went to Barnes & Noble yesterday and scoured several A&P books... and realized that I'm completely screwed!

Who even named these stupid muscles that we have?? Was there a ban on easy when they did so?

For those of us who are not confident spellers, it seems like some sort of sick joke that not only will I need to know where the Sternocleidomastiodeus muscle is and what it does, but that I'll also need to SPELL IT??

After seeing names like Flexor Digitorum Longum and Supraspinatus, I almost kissed the page on which I found the hamstring!

If anyone needs me in the next four months, I'll be the one rocking back and forth, eyes wide in terror, mumbling softly to myself... but don't be surprised if you can't understand the words I'm saying... they're probably just the names of the muscles that I'm using to rock back and forth.

Homesick

The dictionary defines being homesick as "longing to return home." How then can I explain being homesick for a place that I've never been?

This morning as I drove to work, the sun was absolutely beautiful as it broke through the clouds. The glow was stunning, and I felt as if I had been granted a glimpse into Heaven. And I was so homesick, I cried...

Another part of the dictionary's definition is "acutely longing for one's family or home." Perhaps that's where homesickness comes into play when thinking about Heaven.

This morning's sunrise made me feel like it was just a matter of stretching my arms out a little further and I would be dancing with Mindy... or getting to know Grandma Springer on level different than I could as a third grader... or being wrapped in one of Uncle Lloyd's better-than-anyone's hugs... enjoying Andrew's wonderfully dry sense of humor... laughing at the bluebirds with Mrs Holland... enjoying the mutual admiration society of being around Aunt Jan... hugging nieces & nephews that have been whisked away from earth before we had a chance to hold them... and best of all - throwing myself at Jesus' feet, and feeling Him wrap His arms around me, lift me to my feet and hearing Him whisper in my ear, "Well done..."

You're in a better place,
I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken,
the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you?

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home

In Christ, there are no goodbye
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

- Homesick by MercyMe

Dr Laura Says...

... that mothers and daughters shouldn't be best friends. She says that there should be a closeness, but not a best friend relationship.

I disagree...

I've always loved my mother, and always looked to her for advice, but in the last 15 years she's become one of the people that I most love talking with, spending time with, and just being with.

Because of geographical distance, giving her hugs is not a part of my daily life, but there are other things, like daily phone calls, that keep us close.

So on this day, an anniversary of her birth, I say, "Happy birthday, Mom. I love that you're my best friend!"

Pity we wont make it into any of Dr Laura's books :)

Satirical Happy Book

Years ago I went through a nice long stage of keeping my spirits lifted by writing down at least three things I was grateful for/ happy about before going to bed each evening. It was a good way to wind down, and got my thoughts in a better place before drifting off.

During that time, with the help of a cleverly resourceful friend, on the not-so-good days, we resorted to a satirical happy book... and to tell the truth, this was often times much more fun. We'd chortle with glee at each new entry, and it did just as much to raise the spirits as the real-live happy book.

When I lived and worked in VA, another friend and I would email back and forth things we were happy about, when the days seemed especially hard or long.

At work, I've been dubbed Pollyanna, and today as someone was complaining about the horribleness of this particular Monday, I knew I'd be taking my life in my hands to try the whole "How about think of things that you're happy about, and we can write them back and forth to each other."

So, I pulled out the satirical suggestion, and it once again amazed me how quickly irritants can become laughable when sharing them in satire!

(Somewhere, niggling in the back of my mind, I wonder if I've blogged about the satirical happy book before. How awkward and embarrassing if it turned out I was plagiarizing myself!!)

I Love Despair.com!

A Classy Establishment

Amy & I frequent a yummy restaurant in Manchester... and on the way back from our last trip, we saw this. Tells you a little about the area our fave food is in. But the burritos are amazing! What can we say?

Things I Love...

* Being pampered

* Uncle Rick & Aunt Kath

Things I love a LOT

* Being pampered BY Uncle Rick & Aunt Kath!

(this past weekend was spent in Maine... drinking coffee on the swing looking at the lake, going out to eat, napping in the hammock, going out in the kayak, tubing, swimming, l-o-n-g afternoon boat ride, movie watching, lots of wonderful chats, and being LOVED by two people whom I adore!)

Pool-y Challenged

You've read about the pool before... that I got stuck inside it while we assembled it.

However, there is a new development.

I'm beginning to wonder if I am the butt of some cosmic joke... if the pool gods are truly against me.

This has been a storm-filled summer here in NH. We've had countless rainy days, varying from short little showers, to severe thunderstorms that wreak havoc.

And these storms have ALL been at times that I've wanted to get in the pool!

During the work week I try and get outside at every break and lunch, just to see the sun, and remember that there is more to life than what happens inside those big walls. And when I go out, it's so hot and sunny, that I spend the rest of the day, back at my desk, thinking about going home and getting in the pool.

For the last few weeks, almost without fail, by the time I get home it's either already raining, severely cooled down, or threatening to rain.

Today was very hot and very sunny. I went to my river spot after church, and got so hot there that I came home to get in the pool. Chatted with Jill for a bit, and changed into my swimsuit. By the time I got into the pool, the grey clouds had completely obliterated the sun, and there was a pretty steady (read: very chilly) breeze.

I quit!

My New Wheels - Insert Loud HURRAHS!

Love Those Kisses!

Diary of a Me

Inspired by the loquacious and bullety format of her cousin, our blogging heroine will now regale with what's been going on in her life since her post l-o-n-g ago....

Buckle seat belts, and... GO!

Sunday, last - Flew home from trip-of-a-lifetime with four of my nearest and dearest. Was so happy to be home that I giggled while crawling into bed that night.

Monday - Slept in, and then got a new car.

(Oh, do you want more details? It's true! I will no longer be writing posts about windows unzipping on the highway, rain pouring in, or how much fun it really was to drive with the top down on the way to the ocean. I will now be writing posts about having a reliable four dour with a hard top that I can actually take through a car wash! For those of you who know or care about car-ness, it's a '00 Pontiac Sunfire that had only 69,000 miles. Yay Paul! PS - it's gold)

Tuesday - Woke up feeling as if I'd been tossed against a wall repeatedly. Jetlag is an amazing thing. Slogged around for most of the day, then took a friend out for dinner.

Wednesday - Went back to work, and my email box was full, full, full! Sorted through that, chatted up my peeps, and got not much else done.

Thursday & Friday - See Wednesday... only add in a couple meetings, a little more productivity and a little less fullness of the email box

Saturday - Went to Panera with Evan and the kids, and the beach with Amy.

Sunday - Church, phone call that makes me smile every time I think about it, and Martina McBride concert (yup, it was amazing!)

Monday - Went back to work, along with a skeleton crew. This week is the week to be on vacation, boy howdy. Guess I jumped the gun by being out last week.

Tuesday - Worked a full day, and was interrupted by people going my desk on their way to start the holiday early, whispering, "Just leave early... I wont tell." Clung on by my fingernails until 4:15, when I leapt from my chair and flew to my car. Went to an amazing fireworks show in Portsmouth with Amy, and my face is still hurting from smiling so much. They were STUNNING!

Now, you have been updated on the events of my life, and I no longer have guilt.

PS - Happy 4th!

The Long Awaited Journey

On Wednesday, Drewey, Amy, Craig, DJ & I flew out of Boston at an ungodly hour to the great state of CALIFORNIA!!
Our trip has been a wonderful success! We've seen the sunset on the ocean twice, laughed so hard we cried way more than twice, been to San Fran, hugged the groom, met the bride, prayed together on the beach, taken more than 700 pictures (and that's just Drewey!), eaten at the best taqueria on the planet, put many miles on our rental Jeep Liberty, made fast friends with the Starbucks folks, and have had many other memory-making moments.

YAY for friends! YAY for weddings! YAY for California! YAY for God's very evident fingerprints on this trip!

Thinking It Through

This afternoon Evan, Jill & I assembled a pool for the backyard!

As we were putting it up, in my ultimate wisdom I had the idea to get inside the pool to straighten out the bottom while they raised the sides. It worked like a charm! The bottom of the pool was nice and tidy and smooth, and then...

HOLD THAT THOUGHT!

I was STUCK! The sides of the pool were completely raised, coming up to my chin. There was no way out!

So, I stayed in there for 45 minutes while they assembled a ladder to rescue me.

Good times!

PS - Happy Father's Day, Daddy! I think you're pretty much the bomb diggity, and I'm a lucky little girl to be your daughter!

So, Last Wednesday...

Craig, Drewey & I spent the day in Boston...



And that night, I went to Fenway for the FIRST TIME!

How was that day spelled?

H-A-P-P-I-N-E-S-S!!



(my first glimpse of Fenway)

My "ER" haircut

This past week I got an ER haircut.

I went shortER and blondER.

In fact, I went so blonde that I felt my IQ drop several points.

It Only Took Me 28 Years!

This weekend I ran into someone who I haven't seen in several years. It took them about three seconds to notice my nose ring.

Their comment:

"Well, that's the first cool thing you've done!"

WOW!

The rest of the weekend I was making mental lists of other "cool" things I've done, to try and validate my existence for the last 28 years.

Then, in a rash case of insecurity, I wrote them all out in bullet format to post on my blog.

But then I realized, I don't need to rationalize my life so that I'm marching to the beat of someone else's drum.

I love my life... except, of course, when I'm being mocked by "cooler" people.

So, I'm not going to post the "cool" things I've done in my life, but there was one that I thought of this morning that I never blogged about, and it makes me laugh every time I think of it... so below, for your viewing pleasure, the one thing that made me "cool" before last weekend's piercing!

Attempting to drag race (yes, in my Tracker) two strangers in their souped (you're welcome, Drewey :) up Honda in the middle of Manchester. Through the open window, as I gunned my accelerator, I heard them shout in disbelief, and then fly past me. Amy & I were laughing so hard we were both in tears for a good ten minutes afterwards!

And tonight, I got to put ice on Spiderman's boo boo, and I bet not even the aforementioned mocker has gotten to do THAT!

Ocean's Thirteen

Hmmm... I was disappointed.

I really liked Eleven, laughed out loud a few times at Twelve, but Thirteen was not what I would call a favorite... at all.

If you find it worth it to spend money for a ticket, popcorn and a soda to see a few shots of George Clooney's exceptionally long eyelashes, by all means go.

But if you don't, in my humble opinion, this new one in the series is certainly a renter.

Sad me.

Tales From A Swamp Rat

Yesterday was SO hot at work. I don't know what was going on, but the AC was not really doing it's job.

So, today, when I saw that the sun was shining, I dressed for it to be very warm outside and in. The sun was deceptive, and the AC had begun working.

No worries! I have a jacket in my car for such emergencies. Over break I ran to get it.

I forgot that my car sometimes leaks when it rains, and my new found warmth came with a bad surprise.

It smelled like swamp! Therefore, I smelled like swamp.