A Tiny Saturday Morning Insight

I've often caught myself thinking, "If I had only lived in Bible times, there would never be any feeling of disconnect with God."

Then the logical part of my brain kicks in and says, "You know that is not true," and then I go merrily on my way...

But generally when I think with envy of those who lived in Bible times, it's of those in the New Testament, who had daily interaction with Jesus. It just seems to my brain and my heart, that if I saw Jesus face to face and heard His teachings, that there would never be dry times.

I've read the stories enough to know that even those who were closest to Him had times of disconnect or disbelief, but I've always wished... just wished I could see His face and be changed forever, basking in the glow of having SEEN Him.

Today as I was reading in 1Kings, it hit me anew that God appeared to those in the Old Testament as well... and there weren't always happy outcomes with those certain individuals.

11:9 - speaking of Solomon "... because his heart had turned from the LORD God of Israel, who had appeared to him twice."

And it hit me - humans are humans regardless of the time that they lived. Regardless of how many times God appeared to Solomon... or to me... there is a tendency to stray when the going get tough, or when it just "doesn't feel real."

So, I happily keep plugging along, knowing that I'm normal. And if I keep searching, He'll keep being faithful.

Just Me & My Mom

Things I Find Unfortunate

I fear that Facebook is taking over my life.

I can be rather obsessive about certain things. I freely admit this.

And I love Facebook. It makes me happy.

But I have begun to think in Facebook speak.

When I first started playing games (like Scramble) on Facebook, I would find myself at work thinking "If I had these letters in a corner of the board I could make this word, and this word... OH, and THIS word! That's a good word!"

And now, I'm starting to think in status bar mode.

"Lindsay is LOVING Ben & Jerry's Creme Brulee ice cream"

"Lindsay finds it weird that it is raining in the front yard, but not in the back yard"

"Lindsay should stop wasting time on her computer, and accomplish things"

"Lindsay doesn't want to"

"Lindsay should stop referring to herself in the third person"

Lindsay's friends get the idea.

Because That's How I Roll

My vacation was wonderful. I needed a break in my busy world, and the thought that ran through my mind the entire time in Nova Scotia was, "There are no expectations of me during this week." I even left my own expectations of myself at home, which is a big deal!

I relaxed, read, watched tv, had wonderful talks with both Mom & Dad, ate home cooked meals, slept a LOT... it was wonderful! I was truly able to do nothing.

And in the car on the way home I thought, "This would be a good thing to keep up. It will be good to just slow down when I get home. I'll need this before I start school in the fall."

So, to start this whole Do Not Much lifestyle, on Saturday I...

Woke up in Aunt Kath & Uncle Rick's house
Went for a boat ride and swimming
Packed
Drove from ME to Manchester w/ my cousin Alex
Drove from Manchester to Allenstown for a bbq with friends
Drove from Allenstown to Manchester for dinner with Amy
Drove from Manch home
Amy came over and we had sat on the back porch and had a little fire

And today I...

Went to church
Started a movie, so I could relax a little
Went to the pool to have a little catch-up chat with Cherilyn
Drove to Milford to celebrate Katie's birthday with lots of fun peeps
Played in the rain with Amy at Key's field after said birthday party
Went to Evan & Jill's for dinner
Drove home from Milford
Unpacked from the trip
Did laundry
Finished the movie

And now... it's time to look ahead to going back to work.

So even though my vacation was ultra-wonderful, everything I wanted it to be, and a much needed break... I love my life... fast paced as it is.

Eat, Pray, Love

I loved this book! It was well written, deep, winsome, and I felt as if the author (Elizabeth Gilbert) was putting on paper what's been going on lately inside of my head and heart.

Even though I am not at a place in life where I can take a year off to go to Italy, India & Indonesia to discover God... the level of her almost desperate intensity in searching for the best that life has to offer is at the same intensity that mine has been for the last seven months.

This excerpt made me laugh. How often have these conversations taken place inside my own head, as I've tried to do my devotions. And though mine entailed kneeling in my living room, not a dark temple in India, my mind would "help" just as much as hers tried to.

Enjoy!

Me: Ok, we're going to meditate now. Let's draw our attention to our breath and focus on the mantra. Om Namah Shivaya. Om Namah Shiv -

Mind: I can help you out this this, you know!

Me: Ok, good, because I need your help. Let's go. Om Namah Shivaya. Om Namah Shi -

Mind: I can help you think of nice meditative images. Like - hey, here's a good one. Imagine you are a temple. A temple on an island! And the island in in the ocean!

Me: Oh, that is a nice image.

Mind: Thanks. I thought of it myself.

Me: But what ocean are we picturing here?

Mind: The Mediterranean. Imagine you're on of those Greek islands, with an old Greek temple on it. No, never mind, that's too touristy. You know what? Forget the ocean. Oceans are too dangerous. Here's a better idea - imagine you're an island in a lake, instead.

Me: Can we meditate now, please? Om Namah Shiv -

Mind: Yes! Definitely! But try not to picture that the lake is covered with... what are those things called -

Me: Jet Skis?

Mind: Yes! Jet Skis! Those thing consume so much fuel! They're really a menace to the environment. Do you know what else uses a lot of fuel? Leaf blowers. You wouldn't think so, but-

Me: OK, but let's MEDITATE now, please? Om Namah -

Mind: Right! I definitely want to help you meditate! And that's why we're going to skip the image of an island on a lake or an ocean, because that's obviously not working. So let's imagine that you're an island in... a river!

Me: Oh, you mean like Bannerman Island, in the Hudson River?

Mind: Yes! Exactly! Perfect. Therefore, in conclusion, let's meditate on this image - envision that you are an island in a river. All the thoughts that float by as you're meditating, these are just the river's natural currents and you can ignore them because you are an island.

Me: Wait, I thought you said I was a temple.

Mind: That's right, sorry. You're a temple on an island. In fact, you are both the temple and the island.

Me: Am I also the river?

Mind: No, the river is just the thoughts.

Me: Stop! Please stop! YOU'RE MAKING ME CRAZY!!!

Mind (wounded): Sorry. I was only trying to help.

Me: Om Namah Shivaya... Om Namah Shivaya...Om Namah Shivaya...

Here there is a promising eight-second pause in the thoughts. But then -

Mind: Are you mad at me now?

The Antidote for an Alexander Day

If thou of fortune be bereft,
And in thy store there be but left
two loaves,

Sell one, and with the dole,
Buy Hyacinths to feed thy soul
~Muslih-uddin Sadi

Sure, they're not hyacinths, and I am not bereft of my fortune... BUT the principle of the matter is as follows.

Flowers do my heart all kinds of good.
And today was not what I would refer to as my favorite.

Moral to take away from this story:

When you walk into a grocery store and you see that they are selling flowers three bunches for $10, and the bunches that they are selling are your ultimate favorites...

Quote your favorite poem and buy with abandon!

Conversations...

Between the Birthday Boy and Aunt Lindsay:

(On the way to purchasing the gift of his choice, from the Child Wonderland we refer to as WalMart)

"Well Buddy, after we buy this Aunt Lindsay will take it home and wrap it, so you need to forget about it. AND, I'm going to wrap it in CareBear wrapping paper, because I know you love those."

A snort from the back seat, followed by...

"Well, at least it would be better than the time you wrapped my present in a garbage bag for my fifth birthday!"

After a remark like that, guess who's present was wrapped lovingly in CareBears this evening??

She Lives!

I just finished training a four week new hire class, in which I had 17 new minds to mold in the ways of health insurance customer service.

During new hire classes where the roster is above 10, I tend to tuck my head down, focus on the materials, put in lots of overtime, go to bed early, and let most other things in my life come to a screeching halt.

During my second week of training, I left my house one morning at the usual time of 6:45, put in roughly ten hours at work, got back to my house around 6:00, changed, got on the lawn mower and spent almost two hours mowing the gargantuan lawn that surrounds my house. As I was careening around one portion, thinking as an outsider looking in on my life I thought, "It's a far cry from 'Sex in the City.' "

Even though I have never watched an episode and was not one of the millions to see it in the theatre, I am quite sure there is not a character who works long hours, goes home alone, and mows the lawn. And yet, I would put money on the fact that I'm a lot happier than any of the characters portrayed in that show.

This class that I just finished had it's share of funny people in it. I love funny people. If you make me laugh, the chances are pretty good that you have secured a little place for yourself in my heart.

An example...

I walked into my classroom one morning, and there was just one participant sitting there.

"Good morning, Sunshine," I said in my there's-no-way-I-could-be-this-cheerful-this-early-without-coffee way

"Good morning," he replied.

A moment later, he said... "I'm really glad we had this talk."


This four week block of time has also held a lot more than this class... but at least it's a tiny update for you, Rachelle... to show that I'm still alive :)

Every Now and Then...

...You get the perfect picture.

An Evening With My Boys

It still amazes me that after all the years of constant bickering, Evan is one of my best friends... the one that I call when my world falls apart.


I'm the only girl who has the honor of having Darren as an older brother.
And that makes me one of the luckiest females alive!
His hugs make me feel as if nothing could ever go wrong... and who else gets to say that they have an entire dictionary on speed dial??





I looked at this picture and thought how very grown up they look.
They've just always been "the boys" in my mind, but here they are...
loving husbands, caring fathers, an attorney & an electrician.
It's been an amazing journey to witness.

You Know That a Day is Not Your Day...

... when even God jumps on the bandwagon of teasing.

On Wednesday, things were not going well. It had been a really long, drawn out, hate my job and my life day, and I had plans to meet a friend for dinner.

I was praying on the way to the coffee shop that God would lift not only my bad mood, but some of the "heavies" of life that were weighing me down.

As I prayed, I saw a car coming down the road toward me and read it's personalized plate... "HEB817."

I think I yelped in glee, thinking that God had answered my prayer by sending me a message via license plate!

Before meeting my friend I had to run into WhaleMart for a card, and beelined it to the book section.

With breath held, I turned to Hebrews 8:17... only to find that Hebrews 8 only goes up to verse 13.

"Are you even kidding me?" I said, in my very out loud voice, in the aisle.

"Maybe I remembered it wrong," I said in my inside voice. "Maybe it was 3:17."

I turned back a few pages... and burst out laughing.

"Now with whom was He angry for 40 years? Was it not with those who sinned, whose corpses fell in the wilderness?"

"Very funny, God..." (can't remember if that was in my inside or out loud voice)

SO, to Henry & Evelyn Barrier who were married on August 17th...

or Hailey Elisabeth Brown who's parents gave her a brand new car when she turned 16 on August 17th...

I have this to say.

NOT COOL!!

My Girl!

A Picture

I see her in my mind's eye.

She is lying prostrate on the ground, wishing that the fingers of her soul could feel the printed words that her fingertips are caressing.

Longing for the touch on her heart, just as she is touching the words that He wrote to her.

And yet, even more than needing to grasp onto the promises He made, she is crawling over the book...

Straight to the Source.

Grasping His feet... the feet that have scars that He took... for her.

And she feels a hand on her back, moving under her shoulder, and drawing her up from the ground.

She is now kneeling, tears streaming.

His hands, now under her arms, bringing her to her feet.

And then, a strong hand, under her chin, gently tilting it back until she is staring... staring into the eyes of Love itself.

What she had clung to as earthly love, dissipates in comparison to this... ultimate love... genuine love.

Riveted, she cannot turn away.

And knowing her every longing, He draws her into His embrace.

Her head on His chest.

And she finds what she's been longing for.

She is... at rest.

Three Smallish Tidbits

Small Tidbit the First - have you ever thought, "I wonder if there's a hidden camera watching me?"

I will readily admit that I've thought this periodically my whole life.

Most recently was last night when I was typing, and suddenly held my hands up off the keyboard to look at my wee little fingers.

I wiggled them and chanted softly "midget fingers... midget fingers" and then my head snapped up, mortified that perhaps this hidden camera that stalks me was taping at that very moment.

Of course, if I was really that concerned about people not knowing about this, I wouldn't have come running to my blog and typed it for all the world to read.

Small Tidbit the Second - Why are the Bedford Librarians SO MEAN?

I am what we would affectionately refer to as a Space Cadet. It comes with my shade of hair, thank you very much.

I forget things - a lot. Therefore, I should be a Librarian's dream... a veritable angel in disguise.

Stringed quartets should play when I walk in with my overdue books and movies.

Entire wings of libraries should be named after me, as I am the one who has single-handedly funded their building.

But no... the Bedford Librarians do not see me as a Goddess of Financial Windfall-ness. They see me as a bother. One who makes the computer sound a godawful noise when I swipe my card, asking them please to take my hard earned money for their coffers.

Just the other day I walked in and said sheepishly, "I think I owe you money."

She took my card, swiped it, the computer balked, and with eyes bugging she said, "You owe us EIGHT DOLLARS."

I graciously took out a $20 and handed it over. (Thinking of it now, I should have had her keep the entire thing as a credit on my account)

She (not so graciously) took it, counted out $12 into my midget fingered hands and, without making any sort of eye contact, slid my newly checked out videos across the counter to me.

"Thanks, and have a great day," I said in my most winsome voice.

She ignored me until I walked out the door, where I imagine she had all SORTS of things to say to her fellow Bedford Librarians about me.

(Lest I paint too poor a picture of this library, there is one librarian there who is nice... so nice, in fact, that it's as if she is apologizing for all the others)

Small Tidbit the Third - You know when there's something that you feel as if God is asking for you to place on the altar of your life?

And you do so... for what seems like the 8703 time.

And He takes you up on it, and finally rips it from your grasp?

You know how that hurts? Even though deep down you know it's what you want... because it's what He wants?

Yeah, me too.

Never A Dull Moment

The other night I was over at Evan & Jill's helping Mom get dinner ready.

Tucker came into the kitchen riding a stick horse and wearing a cowboy hat.

He looked up at me with big eyes and said, "Dee - sldfj sfjwoe pee pee hqjaidj fhrjeea."

"Did you go pee pee?" I asked.

He nodded.

"I'm wicked proud of you," I told him, kissing his blonde head.

Then I noticed a large wet spot on his pants.

"Let's go upstairs and get you changed."

"Lindsay, he said that he went pee in your car," said Jed, Tucker's interpreter.

"Tucker, did you go pee in Dee's car?"

He nodded.

Fantastic.

"Where in my car did you pee?"

"Show," Tucker said, taking my hand.

Out to the car we went, and Tucker proudly opened the driver's side door to reveal a large wet spot on my seat.

When I went out to my car later, my older brother in all his funniness had put a label on the back of my headrest.

"PLEASE DO NOT USE THIS SEAT AS A RESTROOM"

I Will Not Be Moved

Today started out sunny... both outside and in my heart.

And on the way to work my heart soared as I sang along with the radio

I will stumble
I will fall down
But I will not be moved
I will make mistakes
I will face heartache
But I will not be moved
On Christ the Solid Rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
I will not be moved

This fall I felt like I was constantly being pushed down. Constantly stumbling and making mistakes.

It was tiny, but there was an inner core strength.

And in the last few months as I've begun realizing who I am in Christ, I've felt that inner core grow stronger.

This morning, I was picturing it as a rod down my spine, keeping me upright.

And a rod across my shoulders keeping them broad.

Making a cross.

Because of what Jesus did for me on the cross, I can carry that inner strength wherever I go.

And this afternoon the storms came, not outside but in my heart. I had made some large miscalculations, and suddenly my future, in which I've had so much confidence lately, came crashing down.

I began to revert to the old Lindsay who I'm desperately trying to leave behind. The mental self-flaggalation began, as I berated myself for being so stupid.

God and I spent much of this afternoon in deep conversation, and I came to realize that even though it's so uncomfortable, this is where He wants me... out of my comfort zone.

He doesn't want me to be overconfident in my future... taking pride in the fact that I can take care of myself if I have to.

What's the good of having a God who wants to take care of me, if I don't allow Him to?

It's true. I will stumble. I will fall down. But I Will Not Be Moved.

So, I choose to smile while facing the future. Whatever happens.

I Have New Hairs :)

Business in the front...

PARTY IN THE BACK :)

Sigh.

RIP little crocus...

Can This Be??

Is Spring really going to come to NH? It seems as if it might actually happen.

Of course, this is 10 feet away from the flower, but HEY... at least there IS a flower!!

Just A Story

Never had the little girl seen a place like this. It was a shop containing all that would make a heart happy.

Some would call it candy, and yet, as she stood there with eyes wide in wonder, she knew that there were no words yet created in the English language that described these treasures.

The smells were unearthly. Like all things loved, condensed in one place.

The colors made her heart ache with their beauty.

Shelves from floor to ceiling, lined with baskets. And each basket containing a better treasure than the one before.

At first, overwhelmed, all she could do was look. Then, she was compelled to feel. Her hands plunging into the nearest basket, bringing what it held to her face so that she could breath in the aroma.

Her smile lit up her entire face. She could feel the joy showing in her eyes. The excitement was too much to bear. She stretched out her arms, face to the ceiling and laughed!

And then, she saw it. On the top shelf. The most beautiful of all.

By this time, those who loved her best had heard her joy, and were coming to share in her wonder and help her with her choice.

Try this one.

That one is perfect!

Have you ever seen anything like this?

As she listened, her eyes kept going back to the treasure on the top shelf. It contained all that she was longing for. All that she thought would bring fulfillment.

But the price tag was standing in her way. It was asking for more than she was willing to give. This one thing that she longed for required a trade.

In order to have that treasure, she must give away her soul.

She didn't even realize that tears were running down her cheeks.

She smiled at the advice of the bystanders, and even willingly held and tasted what they suggested. But her eyes kept straying upwards... to the basket containing her heart's desire.

And then, the walls faded way. Her loved ones disappeared. And she was face to face with the Shopkeeper.

Her heart sang, as she realized, with the distractions gone, that He was the one she was longing for. Not the treasures that came wrapped in shiny paper, nor the smells that filled her with longing.

He held out his arms, and she was enveloped by a love that finally made her heart whole...