arms

arms open wide
in
gut-wrenching sobs
jubilant shouting
heart-rending sobs
radiant joy
complete devotion
settled calm
genuine comfort
unabashed praise
trying to emulate
His
ultimate arms
open wide

People I Heart - HER!

Texting

I love my new phone... more than any phone I've had. Partly I love it because it's beautiful and orange! Partly I love it because it sings "Sweet Caroline" whenever it rings! But mostly I love it because it makes my life of texting so darn easy!

Texting is much more my friend than talking on the phone is. There are a few people in my life who I am very comfortable talking to on the phone, but I much prefer to text.

And this phone has a keypad to make all my texting dreams come true!

The only thing I do not love about it, is that I can only store 40 texts on it before it starts to tell me in no uncertain terms that my MAILBOX IS OVER IT'S LIMIT!

For a words of affirmation person, it's hard for me to delete texts. I look back at them, and smile because I can remember where I was when I got them... or keep them because they make me laugh, no matter how many times I've read them.

And I had an idea, plagarized from someone else's blog - I'll write them down! And then I wont be as sad to delete them, and my box can be filled with even MORE words of aff!

So, here are some of the gems that make me coo :)


You were on my "list" Lindsay Jones. Love you!

Awwwwwww... with accompanying finger wiggle. See u in a few.

I had a dream where you looked very cute in a top hat but not so cute in a jumpsuit made out of my comforter cover

I LOVE U

Obamer yer mamer!

STRUMPET!!!

Anytime. I am not overly emotional, but I wanted you to know much you mean to me.

He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it. I'm loving you, my best girls, today.

At this juncture I would like to say tru dat yo and good morning.

You too! And stop thinking about my legs!

You make me smile on the inside and outside! Goodnight precious!

Don't worry about it... I like the grumpy dwarf.

Let us take on this day and wrassle it to the ground til it bawls for mama!

Thanks! Its really rainy and I'm sick... so hopefully it will go well! Have good times with Jesus! :D
Daph is lying in her crib looking at her toes chanting "Aunt Winsey"

A heart and a spine!

Thanks! Go Jesus!!

HAPPY FRIDAY!!! Lots of Sabbath love to you from Jerusalem - your black friend

The Layers

I have walked through many lives,
some of them my own,
and I am not who I was,
though some principle of being abides,
from which I struggle not to stray.
When I look behind,
as I am compelled to look
before I can gather strength
to proceed on my journey,
I see the milestones dwindling
toward the horizon
and the slow fires trailing
from the abandoned camp-sites,
over which scavenger angels
wheel on heavy wings.
Oh, I have made myself a tribe
out of my true affections,
and my tribe is scattered!
How shall the heart be reconciled
to its feast of losses?
In a rising wind
the manic dust of my friends,
those who fell along the way,
bitterly stings my face.
Yet I turn, I turn,
exulting somewhat,
with my will intact to go
wherever I need to go,
and every stone on the road
precious to me.
In my darkest night,
when the moon was covered
and I roamed through wreckage,
a nimbus-clouded voice
directed me:
"Live in the layers,
not on the litter."
Though I lack the art
to decipher it,
no doubt the next chapter
in my book of transformations
is already written.
I am not done with my changes.

-Stanley Kunitz

A Tad Bit Sad...

My blog has been my happy place since 2004.

For all of those years, whenever anything happened in my life, be it happy or sad, my internal thought process was always, "I can't wait to blog about this."

It's been my way of processing much of what has occurred in these last four years.

Life has been incredibly busy. It always will be.

But this time around my blog has been the first thing to suffer.

And it makes me sad.

Longing

Last night during class we did meditation.

Focusing on being grounded... rooted in Mother Earth.

And as I listened, I realized - I'm so tired of earth.

I don't want to go any deeper.

I long for the Heavenly!

While the instructor had us focusing on roots growing out of our feet, I was focusing on my arms getting longer - reaching... reaching for what I know is mine.

I want to sing at the top of my lungs!

I want to dance with abandon!

I want to fling my arms wide and twirl endlessly!

I want to run into Jesus' open arms!

Part of my mind sees this so clearly... because part of my heart is already there... singing, dancing, twirling, running.

She helps keep my eyes focused on what's to come.

She reminds me that she's already there... that it's worth it to keep on keeping on.

Today she would have been 28.

I love you, Mindy Dawn.

Happy Birthday.

Rest

This afternoon I was lying on my bed in Mike & Rachelle's guest room, with a four year old curled up by side, both of reading, and I thought, "I'm re-teaching my body how to rest."

And I love it.

Taking two classes this semester has been really good for me, especially to prove to myself that I could do it... but it's exhausted me. I'm so grateful that one of the classes is over, and that I'm now on vacation in Washington.

And I realized that part of my rest has been this. There are no expectations on me out here. More than that... I have no expectations of myself for this week.

Rachelle & I lived together in VA for over a year. We already know what to expect from each other.

And beyond being a part of their daily lives, and bask in the joy of seeing them after over a year of being apart, there's nothing else for me to do.

It's been a wonderful break!

When I got in on Saturday, we took the ferry into Seattle, and then went to a fish ladder & botanical garden.

On Sunday, we drove to Mt Ranier, and the weather was amazing, so we could see it from miles away, and had a perfect view from the visitor center at the base. We hiked, laughed, took pictures, and enjoyed the beautiful day and God's amazing handiwork.

Yesterday Mike had to work, but the rest of us stayed in our pajamas for a good part of the morning, and just had a lazy day.

I've gone to bed early each night, and been able to sleep in.

I've gotten to be "Ant Lindsay" (a big difference after being "Ont Lindsay" to all my east coast kids) to a precious four & almost two year old.

There are not many people outside of family that I can truly let my guard down around... maybe that's why I think of Mike & Rachelle as part of my family, because it's so easy to just be me around them.

And to think... I have four more days of this.

Bliss.

My Conundrum

The have to's in my life are leaving no time for want to's...

And one of those want to's is blogging. However, when given the chance to get another 20 minutes of sleep, these days I need to take it.

This fall is treating me well, but I don't have much time to breathe.

I'm back in school, taking two classes this time, instead of just one. Swedish Massage II is on Tues from 5 - 10:15, and I have Massage Business Practice on Wed from 5 - 10:15... which means that by the time Thursday arrives, having just pulled two 16+ hour days in a row, I'm not what we would call the most efficient employee at work.

Swedish has been incredibly interesting and So Much Fun! We're learning all different modalities, and have studied Lomi Lomi (Hawaiian massage), abdominal, Russian, Thai and still have many other countries to learn from. I love the class, and come home completely energized!

The Business course, on the other hand, has been dry as toast... toast that started out as stale, perhaps even moldy bread.

However, one of the good things regarding the Business class was an assignment to get a massage from a place that you've never gone before, and write a paper on it. I picked a random place in Manch (with help from the internet) and had mine this morning. It went well, but I felt strange. I didn't tell the therapist before it began that I was going to be writing a paper on it, because I didn't want him to do anything different than he normally would. But after it was done, I wanted to ask him questions about some of the strokes he used, but I didn't want to be all "SURPRISE! I am about to go home and write a two page paper, critiquing all things about this entire experience."

And now the days are getting shorter, and I'm starting to see the whole urge to get into my pajamas the minute I step in the door beginning as it does each fall. Good thing about that is, when I get home after 11, it's allowed!

And now, I'm off to take a nap :)

Things That Made Me Laugh Out Loud

"If you think that temporary tattoos are ok, perhaps I can interest you in some temporary eternal damnation."

-Stephen Colbert

What's Your Comfort Food?

Besides box mac 'n' cheese (which we all know I refer to as "lolo"), which is my ultimate comfort food, my other comfort food of choice is cheese and crackers.

A couple weekends ago my heart was in lots of pain, and I didn't want to leave my house.

But, I had no food, so I made myself go to the grocery store.

I kind of went through the aisles in a daze, threw things in the cart, paid, and flew back to the safety of my home.

And I burst out laughing when I was putting away the food, because I had four types of crackers and two different cheeses.

What The Hail!

We've had so many thunderstorms in the last two months... and several of them (including today's) have been accompanied by hail.

World Vision

It's hard to figure out where to start with this. This weekend I had the amazing opportunity to volunteer with World Vision at Soul Fest up in northern NH.

There were so many things that were fun about Soul Fest... camping with Amy, seeing so many great bands (Third Day, Kutless, Newsboys, Barlow Girl, DecembeRadio... and my favorite, Stellar Kart), being on the beautiful skiing mountains in NH, meeting new people, etc, etc, etc!

And the many, many hours spent volunteering in the World Vision tents. There were two... one that was just set up for people to sponsor a child... and then there was a tent called "The Africa Experience." Listening to the story of a child (boy 13, girl 7, girl 17), people could walk through to get a minute taste of what life is like over in Africa.

Amy & I spent most of our time in the first tent, manning tables laden with packets about 500 children from Mozambique who are in desperate need of someone to sponsor them. This tent was less than 100 feet from the main stage, so we could pop out and be part of the concerts from time to time.

It was very thought provoking. Not so much there, because it was so loud a lot of the time, but as I've been home, I've found myself reliving many of the moments from being in the tent:

• Two teenage boys who agreed to sponsor a child together, and every time they'd see me or Amy in the crowd, would scream out their sponsored child's name and wave his picture at us with huge smiles
• Those who would walk away clutching their child's info as if they had a new family member
• A couple who picked a a little boy who's birthday would have been their miscarried child's birthdate
• One woman who refused to sponsor a child because she couldn't find one with the name "Nemo"
• Those who would walk away almost in tears, because they could only afford to sponsor one
• The little girl who already sponsored two, whose Mom had emphatically told her that morning, "Don't come home with another child," frantically calling her mom from her cell asking for "just one more"
• A grandmother, two daughters and two granddaughters going in together to sponsor a child, because none of them could afford to do it on their own
• Being chastised by one man because "why doesn't anyone care about the kids in the US?"
• Being thanked by countless for continuing the work in Africa
• Hearing multiple times "This one has my birthday, but this one is just so cute... which one?"

I sponsored my first child this weekend. Amy got there the day before I did, and as she was putting out the packets of children, she took a picture of little Rudis and sent him to me. And as soon as his precious face popped up on my phone, I knew he was mine.

And the more I think about it, the more passionate I become about this. These children have so much stacked against them, and I have so much going for me. So many of us do... and for the cost difference of making coffee at home as opposed to buying it each day, you can give a child food, clothes and the start of an education.

Will you pray about sponsoring a child?

I've Been Wanting to Act Again

And have been waiting "patiently" to see what the Fall production with Bedford Off Broadway would be.

I've known for awhile that this Fall's director would be the one who I worked with on "The Boys Next Door" and I loved working with him.

The postcard announcing auditions arrived yesterday, and I excitedly turned it over to see how many actors were needed, and what the specifications were.

It is a four person play.

One male and one female, ranging in age from 50 - 60

AND

One male and one female who are (and I quote) "physically able to move like a lizard."

That is all.

A Tiny Saturday Morning Insight

I've often caught myself thinking, "If I had only lived in Bible times, there would never be any feeling of disconnect with God."

Then the logical part of my brain kicks in and says, "You know that is not true," and then I go merrily on my way...

But generally when I think with envy of those who lived in Bible times, it's of those in the New Testament, who had daily interaction with Jesus. It just seems to my brain and my heart, that if I saw Jesus face to face and heard His teachings, that there would never be dry times.

I've read the stories enough to know that even those who were closest to Him had times of disconnect or disbelief, but I've always wished... just wished I could see His face and be changed forever, basking in the glow of having SEEN Him.

Today as I was reading in 1Kings, it hit me anew that God appeared to those in the Old Testament as well... and there weren't always happy outcomes with those certain individuals.

11:9 - speaking of Solomon "... because his heart had turned from the LORD God of Israel, who had appeared to him twice."

And it hit me - humans are humans regardless of the time that they lived. Regardless of how many times God appeared to Solomon... or to me... there is a tendency to stray when the going get tough, or when it just "doesn't feel real."

So, I happily keep plugging along, knowing that I'm normal. And if I keep searching, He'll keep being faithful.

Just Me & My Mom

Things I Find Unfortunate

I fear that Facebook is taking over my life.

I can be rather obsessive about certain things. I freely admit this.

And I love Facebook. It makes me happy.

But I have begun to think in Facebook speak.

When I first started playing games (like Scramble) on Facebook, I would find myself at work thinking "If I had these letters in a corner of the board I could make this word, and this word... OH, and THIS word! That's a good word!"

And now, I'm starting to think in status bar mode.

"Lindsay is LOVING Ben & Jerry's Creme Brulee ice cream"

"Lindsay finds it weird that it is raining in the front yard, but not in the back yard"

"Lindsay should stop wasting time on her computer, and accomplish things"

"Lindsay doesn't want to"

"Lindsay should stop referring to herself in the third person"

Lindsay's friends get the idea.

Because That's How I Roll

My vacation was wonderful. I needed a break in my busy world, and the thought that ran through my mind the entire time in Nova Scotia was, "There are no expectations of me during this week." I even left my own expectations of myself at home, which is a big deal!

I relaxed, read, watched tv, had wonderful talks with both Mom & Dad, ate home cooked meals, slept a LOT... it was wonderful! I was truly able to do nothing.

And in the car on the way home I thought, "This would be a good thing to keep up. It will be good to just slow down when I get home. I'll need this before I start school in the fall."

So, to start this whole Do Not Much lifestyle, on Saturday I...

Woke up in Aunt Kath & Uncle Rick's house
Went for a boat ride and swimming
Packed
Drove from ME to Manchester w/ my cousin Alex
Drove from Manchester to Allenstown for a bbq with friends
Drove from Allenstown to Manchester for dinner with Amy
Drove from Manch home
Amy came over and we had sat on the back porch and had a little fire

And today I...

Went to church
Started a movie, so I could relax a little
Went to the pool to have a little catch-up chat with Cherilyn
Drove to Milford to celebrate Katie's birthday with lots of fun peeps
Played in the rain with Amy at Key's field after said birthday party
Went to Evan & Jill's for dinner
Drove home from Milford
Unpacked from the trip
Did laundry
Finished the movie

And now... it's time to look ahead to going back to work.

So even though my vacation was ultra-wonderful, everything I wanted it to be, and a much needed break... I love my life... fast paced as it is.

Eat, Pray, Love

I loved this book! It was well written, deep, winsome, and I felt as if the author (Elizabeth Gilbert) was putting on paper what's been going on lately inside of my head and heart.

Even though I am not at a place in life where I can take a year off to go to Italy, India & Indonesia to discover God... the level of her almost desperate intensity in searching for the best that life has to offer is at the same intensity that mine has been for the last seven months.

This excerpt made me laugh. How often have these conversations taken place inside my own head, as I've tried to do my devotions. And though mine entailed kneeling in my living room, not a dark temple in India, my mind would "help" just as much as hers tried to.

Enjoy!

Me: Ok, we're going to meditate now. Let's draw our attention to our breath and focus on the mantra. Om Namah Shivaya. Om Namah Shiv -

Mind: I can help you out this this, you know!

Me: Ok, good, because I need your help. Let's go. Om Namah Shivaya. Om Namah Shi -

Mind: I can help you think of nice meditative images. Like - hey, here's a good one. Imagine you are a temple. A temple on an island! And the island in in the ocean!

Me: Oh, that is a nice image.

Mind: Thanks. I thought of it myself.

Me: But what ocean are we picturing here?

Mind: The Mediterranean. Imagine you're on of those Greek islands, with an old Greek temple on it. No, never mind, that's too touristy. You know what? Forget the ocean. Oceans are too dangerous. Here's a better idea - imagine you're an island in a lake, instead.

Me: Can we meditate now, please? Om Namah Shiv -

Mind: Yes! Definitely! But try not to picture that the lake is covered with... what are those things called -

Me: Jet Skis?

Mind: Yes! Jet Skis! Those thing consume so much fuel! They're really a menace to the environment. Do you know what else uses a lot of fuel? Leaf blowers. You wouldn't think so, but-

Me: OK, but let's MEDITATE now, please? Om Namah -

Mind: Right! I definitely want to help you meditate! And that's why we're going to skip the image of an island on a lake or an ocean, because that's obviously not working. So let's imagine that you're an island in... a river!

Me: Oh, you mean like Bannerman Island, in the Hudson River?

Mind: Yes! Exactly! Perfect. Therefore, in conclusion, let's meditate on this image - envision that you are an island in a river. All the thoughts that float by as you're meditating, these are just the river's natural currents and you can ignore them because you are an island.

Me: Wait, I thought you said I was a temple.

Mind: That's right, sorry. You're a temple on an island. In fact, you are both the temple and the island.

Me: Am I also the river?

Mind: No, the river is just the thoughts.

Me: Stop! Please stop! YOU'RE MAKING ME CRAZY!!!

Mind (wounded): Sorry. I was only trying to help.

Me: Om Namah Shivaya... Om Namah Shivaya...Om Namah Shivaya...

Here there is a promising eight-second pause in the thoughts. But then -

Mind: Are you mad at me now?

The Antidote for an Alexander Day

If thou of fortune be bereft,
And in thy store there be but left
two loaves,

Sell one, and with the dole,
Buy Hyacinths to feed thy soul
~Muslih-uddin Sadi

Sure, they're not hyacinths, and I am not bereft of my fortune... BUT the principle of the matter is as follows.

Flowers do my heart all kinds of good.
And today was not what I would refer to as my favorite.

Moral to take away from this story:

When you walk into a grocery store and you see that they are selling flowers three bunches for $10, and the bunches that they are selling are your ultimate favorites...

Quote your favorite poem and buy with abandon!

Conversations...

Between the Birthday Boy and Aunt Lindsay:

(On the way to purchasing the gift of his choice, from the Child Wonderland we refer to as WalMart)

"Well Buddy, after we buy this Aunt Lindsay will take it home and wrap it, so you need to forget about it. AND, I'm going to wrap it in CareBear wrapping paper, because I know you love those."

A snort from the back seat, followed by...

"Well, at least it would be better than the time you wrapped my present in a garbage bag for my fifth birthday!"

After a remark like that, guess who's present was wrapped lovingly in CareBears this evening??