Well... Have You?

Have you ever walked into a restaurant and read on the face of the hostess that her entire evening has been completely destroyed because you have come to her establishment? I've driven past a restaurant several times in my stay down here that said it was Spanish & Mediterranean cuisine. Tonight I decided to try it... hoping it would focus mainly on the Mediterranean (maybe I'd get lucky and there'd be some Greek food?) portion of their sign. I noticed a "Proper attire required" sign on the front door, but figured my khakis and black shirt were appropriate. Plus, I have a cute pink purse, and was wearing clever sandals. There were other patrons in khaki there, but apparently my choice of clothing didn't meet her standards. She deigned to seat me anyway.

Have you ever opened a menu and realized with sheer panic that e-v-e-r-y single item (save three) included your least favorite food... seafood? There was shrimp, mussels, octopus, squid, salmon, and many, many fish names that I'd never heard of before.

Have you ever been scorned by your waiter for ordering a Diet Coke. He skulked away from the table and then turned around saying plaintively "You're the driver?" "Yes - yes, I'm the driver."

Have you ever dipped hot, crusty bread into the purest olive oil you've ever seen or tasted? It was delicious, and made my mouth happy. But then, wiped the crumbs onto the floor, in fear that they would figure out you were mortal, and had indeed gotten bits of crust on the tablecloth. After eating a bit of the bread, I ordered an appetizer of bruschetta and a salad as my entree.

Have you ever done something that made you giggle to yourself numerous times during your meal? The waiter brought the bruschetta and it was beautifully presented on the plate. There was a big bunch of specialty lettuce in the middle, with four pieces of bread, spread with pesto, olive oil, tomatoes and that Spanish ham that I can never remember the name of. I'm not a fan of the ham, so after eating a bit of it, I lifted up the pretty lettuce garnish and hid the ham underneath, hoping an enraged chef wouldn't come flying out of the kitchen to demand I answer for my crime when they took the plate back and scraped it off.

Have you ever wondered if they are in fact hatching, growing and then in turn preparing the chicken that you will be eating, because it's taking so long? I had eaten some of my appetizer and was reading (I know - that's probably another reason that they didn't like me, but it was either read or have a staring contest with the hostess... who refused to make eye contact with me, and sighed each time she walked past my table), waiting patiently for my salad, and out of the corner of my eye I could see the waiter staring at me. Finally he came to the table and asked if I was still working on my appetizer. OH! THAT's why my food hadn't come. I did not know this was protocol. In the restaurants I normally eat at, they huck the entree on the table as soon as you've put the first bite of appetizer into your mouth.

Have you ever not known some of the things you were eating, but all in the name of "salad?" The chicken was amazing, the cheese was smooth and sharp, the lettuce spicy, the white asparagus gross and slimy, the granny smith apples pucker tart and crispy, and the dressing strong and unknown.

Have you ever breathed a sigh of relief at the same time your hostess and waiter did, that the meal was finally over?

Have you ever been more than grateful that this entire experience was paid for by your employer and not out of your own earnings?

And finally...

Have you ever laughed your entire way to the car... just by yourself... revelling in the strangeness of it all?

If so, then welcome to my evening!