Thoughts On This Tuesday

Today I had a conversation with a friend at work, and came out of it more convinced than I have been in a while that waiting for the one that God has for me is really what I want to be doing... not settling, not jumping the gun, not whining... just being patient.

I'd lost focus these last few months, and had been struggling with major feelings of discontent. And I wasn't used to that. In the last five years, I felt like I had a corner on the contentment market. Of course there were days where it wasn't fun to be single, but for the most part, I was living my life to the hilt, regardless of my status.

This past week I've been very sick, and for most of that time, I was really afraid. There were doctor's appointments, ultrasounds, phone conversations with doctor's offices, and no one knew what was wrong with me. Thankfully, they ruled out tumor and leftover gallstone from last fall's surgery, but then I was left with, "Sorry you're in pain, but we don't know what it is, so track your symptoms and keep us posted."

Thankfully, with the help of WebMD, I was able to figure out that my pain was coming from side effects of a medication that I'd been taking for several months. Yesterday was the first day since last Tuesday that I thought I might actually live!

As I was telling my co-worker this story, explaining my fear at two different appointments when they called in second opinions, he asked, "And were you all by yourself for this?"

"Yes," I replied, "but I was ok with that." (In fact, for the ultrasound, several people had offered to go with me, but I chose to go by myself)

He kept saying how sorry he was that I had been by myself, and the more I tried to reassure him that it had been ok, the more I felt myself being reassured. It almost felt like I was saying the words to myself, and he was just eavesdropping.

Then he began asking the whole, "Have you found someone yet?" questions, and then "Well, is there anyone on the horizon?" followed by "Would you be open to seeing someone outside of your faith? No... well, you do know that narrows the field, don't you?" (YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW THAT??)

This unwillingness of me to open up myself to other faiths caused a silent shaking of the head, and he wanted to know why. When I explained a couple of the reasons, he still shook his head, and explained that he and his girlfriend are making it work. Fantastic! My heart is abounding in joy for them! However, I think theirs is a much-in-the-minority relationship in that aspect.

This type of conversation happens so frequently at work.

"He's cute - you should date him." (Sure cute would be nice, but far from my highest priority)
"He's nice - you should go out with him." (Yes, nice is something that I'm looking for, but once again, not the only characteristic)

But during today's conversation I finally got to use the sentence I've been wanting to for quite some time... "You know, people are actually capable of being happily single & content."

And this evening, my heart is thankful, because in trying to convince my friend that my life was still worth living, I saw that it really is... regardless of what's on (or not on, as the case may be) my left hand.