Tell me how you REALLY feel!

On the way home from work tonight, I followed a bright red little Hybrid car. It's license plate said...

NO4NOIL

"Very clever & applicable," thought I.

Then, on the left side of his bumper I spied a "W" sticker that had been crossed out. And on the right side of his bumper there was another sticker that said, "Somewhere in Texas there is a village missing it's idiot."

ANGRY EYES!!

Had there been a passing lane on the way home, I would have (in a VERY Christ-like manner, of course) whipped around this car and shown him my "W" sticker, that is proudly displayed on my back window. And I would have driven slowly in front of him, so he could bask in the glow of knowing that he lost this past November. And though I would have been a headline in tomorrow's newpaper - BLONDE BUSH SUPPORTER KILLED IN SENSELESS ROAD RAGE ACCIDENT - at least I would have died happily!

Staying the Course

Just another donut day tale...

Today when I got in the van, Jed announced that he was going to get a strawberry frosted donut with sprinkles. This differed greatly from his usual chocolate stick. Evan and I began chatting as we drove along, and then I became aware of a quiet little chant from the back seat. It went something like this...

Strawberry frosted donut

Strawberry frosted donut with sprinkles

Strawberry frosted donut

Strawberry frosted donut with sprinkles

Strawberry frosted donut um.... with sprinkles

He kept this mantra up for over 15 minutes, just quietly repeating it to himself. When we finally arrived at Dunkin Donuts, Evan asked Jed if he was sure of what he wanted to order and he triumphantly chanted STRAWBERRY FROSTED WITH SPRINKLES!

Writer's Block

I'm having a hard time coming up with a clever post. I also know that I haven't updated in a week, so here's what I would have written about, had I not had writer's block...

- How children in pajamas are like a therapy. I went to Evan & Jill's last night, and the kids were so precious in their jammies. Tucker is crawling now, and came flying to me with a huge smile to snuggle. Chloe has her footed pj's on backwards all the time now, because she was always taking them off. Jed was wearing cool almost-five-year-old-boy pj's with space ships on them. Balm to the spirit.

- I wonder if construction guys who whistle at females will have a special place in the after-life? And on which side would that special place be? Because even though it's horribly degrading, and makes one feel like a side of beef, it also made me laugh out loud, which I needed.

- We are going on the seventh weekend in a row where it has been rainy. My mood reflects the grayness & rain.

- Why is it funny in Shrek 2 when Puss-in-Boots hacks up a hairball, but not there is not one ounce of funniness when The Cuteness does it??

So, there is a glimpse into my writer's blocked mind. Here's hoping for sunnier weather, sunnier spirits & replenished wit!

Cosmic One-ness

Last night Amy graduated from UNH Manchester. (YAY for you, Amy!) They had a Universalist Unitarian female minister give the invocation, and she started her "prayer" like this.... "Oh Nameless One with many names..." The six of us in our row burst out laughing. How do you AMEN that one??

Bits & Pieces

- The kittens are getting cuter every day. The Cuteness got outside yesterday while I was trying to leave for church. I wanted her to be inside, attending to her children while I was away attending to my soul, so I begged and pleaded for her to come in. No such luck. I then resorted to drastic measures. Running to the box, I picked up a poor little eyes-still-shut kitten, and held it at the open door. That paragon of feline motherhood looked over at her bleating kitten, and walked the other way.

- Yesterday, Amy & I drove down to Rhode Island together for Andrea's graduation party. (Yay for you, Drewey!) On the way we stopped at the grocery store to get lunch. Amy got clam chowder - I got a salad. Salads are not easy to eat while you are driving, so Amy would eat a little of her chowder, then reach over and take the wheel, and I'd eat a little of my salad. It worked wonderfully.

- New moms are funny. Perhaps I think they're funny because I haven't been one, and will act just like them when I have my first child, but right now I just think they're funny. I went to visit a friend of mine who's baby is one month old today. While there, during our conversation, I swallowed wrong and tried to discreetly cough. New Mom handed me hand sanitizer, "Just in case you want to hold the baby again - we don't want her getting a cold." No colds, just inability to swallow my own spit, thanks!

Two days late...

I told The Cuteness that she should have her kittens on Mother's Day, because how clever is that?
Well, as always, she didn't listen to me.
Today I walked in from work to see my little kitty sitting in my pappazon chair, having just delivered three little kittens. And while I went over to congratulate her and look at the new batch, she gave birth to another one while I was watching.
They are all various patterns of black and white, but I haven't gotten a perfect glance yet, because she's keeping a pretty close eye on them.
So, congrats, Cuteness... even if it wasn't in time for Mother's Day...

A Class Act Felon

Other places on earth, opening someone's mailbox may be a felony, but not when you live on Chestnut Hill. It's an accepted, if not practically required practice to "mail" things to each other in the neighborhood, by just placing objects, letters, etc in the next mailbox down the road.
So, this weekend when my cousin Derrick called me from Fairwood to check his mail, it was something that I'm quite used to. What I wasn't used to, though, was the frequency with which he asked. He text messaged me once, and called twice to make sure I was checking it. Wise one that I am, I ascertained that he must be expecting something exciting in the mail. Finally on the third call I bluntly asked what was so important. It seems he was expecting a pair of sunglasses to complete his motorcycle ensemble. (The motorcycle is still missing, but the outfit it coming together nicely)
Having been woken up from my nap by this third call, my mind was desperately trying to think of something devious to get him back. Then, inspiration struck! I was going over to Fairwood that evening, so called Amy to see if she was game to leave 15 minutes early, as we suddenly needed to make a quick stop at the local Dollar Store.
We went inside & picked up a truly heinous pair of leopard print sunglasses. Going back to the car, I slit open the bottom of the box, only to discover two smaller boxes inside. It was kind of like one of those Russian dolls that you keep opening and finding yet more inside. I opened the bag (careful not to rip the sticker that sealed it), then opened the box... then opened the next bag which housed the sunglass case. I removed his much anticipated sunglasses and replaced them with the classy Dollar store find. I then put that back in the bag, in the box and in the outer bag, resealing it with the sticker.
Chortling along with Amy, we raced to Fairwood to see his reaction.... and anyone who knows this dear cousin of mine, knows that we were well within our rights to expect a grand reaction!
He practically danced with glee when I handed him the box. I had clued in a few people, so we were all watching with great anticipation. Well - remember how I said that there were TWO boxes inside, that looked exactly the same?? Murphy's law would have it that he opened the REAL sunglasses. And then refused to open the next box, insisting that they were exactly the same. I was incredibly disappointed. All those carefully laid plans for naught!
I kept the sunglasses until last night, but fearing for the eardrums of the unsuspecting sales rep who might have taken his call when he discovered the second pair of glasses, I brought them to his apartment last night....
Sigh! I HATE it when practical jokes fall flat... At least I can bask in the glow that it COULD have been splendid had he played the game right!

Saturday Ramblings

Today, instead of the regularly observed Donut Day, we went into Manchester and participated in the local CPC's "Walk for Life." It was cold & pouring rain. This was my third year of going on the walk, and the other two have been beautiful days, but this one will go down in the record books as anything but beautiful! Jill took the two little kids to "shop for life" at the mall while Evan, Jed & I joined the sodden masses to go the two miles in downtown Manchester. Even though it was miserable weather-wise, there were so many smiles & you could hear laughter, because everyone was happy to be there for a good cause.

3, 2, 1 CONTACT...

Claire - you may not want to read this one :)

The other night as I was taking out my contacts, it was causing much pain. It was taking a wicked long time to get the one in my right eye out, and I couldn't understand why it was so painful. Then I realized... I had already taken it out! My poor little eye had been enduring the full brunt of my finger trying in vain to find and remove my contact.

Yes - it is hard to be me!

Lobster Randomness

When I'm first introduced to people, and they find out that I'm from New England, it seems that invariably they mention something about how I must love living in a place where lobsters are so prevelent. I love New England, but the plethora of lobsters is far from the reason why. In fact, I detest eating lobster! When we lived in Essex, we were less than five miles from the world-renowned Woodman's Seafood, but that treat was wasted on me, because I loathe all seafood.

Here's where the randomness comes in. I just started reading an autobiography of a woman who lives off the coast of Maine, and is one of very few female lobster fishermen. It's a fascinating tale, and I'm enjoying it immensely. She started out her book with this interesting fact, and now I'm imparting this trivia nugget to all of you, so that you may now wow friends & acquaintences with randomness.

"Prior to the nineteenth century, only widows, orphans, and servants ate lobster. And in some parts of New England, serving lobster to prison inmates more than once a week was forbidden by law, as doing so was considered cruel and unusual punishment."
The Lobster Chronicles - Linda Greenlaw

So, the next time you bite into a lobster dinner than costs an entire paycheck, and you feel the jealous stares of those dining around you, remember that had you been born in a different era, you'd be considered someone to be pitied. Oh the irony!

Am I Flypaper for Freaks??

Another weird phone thing happened today. This is getting sketchy!

I got a text message on my cell phone.

"Do you get text messages?" it said.

"Yes I do - but who are you?" I replied, as I didn't recognize the phone number this came from.

"Brian," came back the one word response.

I didn't even reply, because I know no Brian's who have my cell phone number.

"So, how are you today?" came the next message, with hardly any delay.

"I'm good, but still puzzled as to who you are," I sent back.

"Brian - your EX," came the (I can only imagine) hurt reply.

"Um - I have no EXes - this is Lindsay," I replied with no delay, then followed it up with a voicemail to the phone number that these messages had been coming from. "This is Lindsay - I've been receiving your text messages but wanted to let you know I'm not the person you think you know. I've had this phone number for over two years, so not quite sure who you're trying to contact."

I got a curt text back in a minute... "Sorry - wrong number."

Oh yes it was!

Verizon's newly offered plan - "Inmates talk for free!"

On Wednesday I checked my voicemail at work. Imagine my shock when I saw that I had 11 messages waiting, especially since I had checked it the day before! I listened to the first one & it was just a series of long, high pitched squeals. In fact, ALL of them were exactly the same. Even though I knew it was probably a fax trying to come through, it sounded like the Mother Ship trying to contact one of her own.
Feeling very Nancy Drew-ish, I wrote down the number that these mysterious beeps had come from, and set out to solve the mystery...

"Thank you for calling the Hillsborough County Correctional Facility..."

"Excuse me!! Where is this?" I squawked.

"The Hillsborough County Jail," the voice calmly replied.

"Um - I just got 11 messages on my voicemail from this phone number," I stammered, still a little in shock.

"Do you know one of the inmates here?" the lady asked.

"No," I replied, letting this sink in.

"Are you sure?" she queried.

"I'm sure," I stated, while my mind raced to think which acquaintance had been incarcerated in the last 24 hrs.

It all ended with me being transferred to their records dept, where we figured out that someone was trying to fax records & had a digit off in the fax number. After a multitude of apologies from the man in the records department, I was happily on my way with a fabulous new story in my arsenal!

I Love my BED!

A few weeks ago one of my friends said that she smiles as she's getting ready for bed, because she's thinks of the multiple times she's heard me loudly proclaim how much I love my bed & how much I look forward to going to sleep each night. It's really pathetic, because sometimes in the evening all of the sudden I'll get wicked excited, because I'll think about going to bed. It's especially bad now that Mom & Dad bought me fleece sheets & they're so cozy I could just sleep for hours.

In a book I was just reading I saw this quote, and knew that I had found a fast friend. Too bad they were in a book!

"Me, I've always thought sleep was a wonderful invention. Not that being awake isn't nice too, of course. But when I get up in the morning I think, boy, only fourteen more hours and I can be back to sleep again. I like to see the covers turned down and waiting and the pillows puffed up so I can hop right in. And I never dream, because it distracts my mind from pure sleeping, so to speak..."

OCD not for me!

I was just reading a book and one of the characters was described as such a meticulous housekeeper that when preparing a peanut butter sandwich, she would wash the knife & put it away before she would even finish making the sandwich. That made me want to howl with laughter! Not exactly my housekeeping style.
I take pride in having a nicely picked up house, but this evening as I was working my way through a (whisper) week's worth of dishes (which, when you're single & don't have a lot of time to cook is not a big deal... it didn't even fill up a counter) I thought that the character in the book may just have something in washing as you go!

Literary Atrocities

This week I had six people in my training class at work. The age range in the room was between 20 - 35. While I was training, I was emailed a trivia question, so I decided to pose it to them. The trivia question was about Robert Louis Stevenson, and each one of them looked at me with blank expressions, and then finally asked "Who is he??"
I was scandalized! Did they really not know who he was?
"If you didn't study him in school, who did you study?" I cried!
Between the six of them, the only book they could remember studying was "Of Mice and Men."

Bumpah Stickahs

Today I saw a bumper sticker that made me laugh. I don't know why this type of thing didn't take off last year during the campaigns.

"Snowmobilers for Bush"

Think of all the possibilities the campaign teams missed out on...

- Cat lovers for BUSH
- People who hate their jobs for BUSH
- Manicurists for BUSH
- Mothers who yell at their children for BUSH
- People who cry at movies for BUSH
- Angry Feminists for KERRY

Oh the millions that I could have made... oh well - there's always 2008!

Heralding the Official End of Winter!

Tonight Evan, Jill, the kids & Aunt Lindsay piled into the van & went to the nearby ice cream stand for dinner... Now that's what I'm talking about!!

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Today was BEEE-oootiful! I drove home the whole way with the windows down!
And it reminded me of one of my happiest memories of feeling one with the human race happened this last summer. Four of us were driving home from getting a pizza, and had the windows rolled down, basking in the summer breezes. We were waiting at a stop light when someone from the front seat made a verbal stab at me. From the back seat, I, with Aretha-Franklin-like vocals, sang with all my might, "R-E-S-P-E-C-T" to the offending person in the front.
Then, to my utmost delight & surprise, "that is what it means to me" floated over the air-waves into our car from the woman to our right, also sitting in her car waiting for a green light.

Friday-in-a-can!

I was talking to Sara on the way home from work today & saying that there is really not a better feeling in the world than driving home from work on Friday. The evening & the entire weekend stretches out in front on me, and I love the feeling of freedom. If I could put this feeling in a can that could be sprayed on at un-Friday-ish times, I'd be a rich woman.

Shocked, I tell you!

I wrote a blog entry on Tuesday night, and so haven't worried about updating it, because I knew I just had. Imagine my shock when I logged on tonight & saw what you all have been seeing... NOTHING!

It wasn't a very interesting entry that I had written, but I'll give you the brief version...

WHO HAS TWO THUMBS... (Was the title)

... and just had her last scheduled day of taking phone calls???

THIS ONE!!! (To be said with a loud voice & energetic pointing of thumbs to one's chest)

Now that was worth waiting for, wasn't it?? :)