arms

arms open wide
in
gut-wrenching sobs
jubilant shouting
heart-rending sobs
radiant joy
complete devotion
settled calm
genuine comfort
unabashed praise
trying to emulate
His
ultimate arms
open wide

People I Heart - HER!

Texting

I love my new phone... more than any phone I've had. Partly I love it because it's beautiful and orange! Partly I love it because it sings "Sweet Caroline" whenever it rings! But mostly I love it because it makes my life of texting so darn easy!

Texting is much more my friend than talking on the phone is. There are a few people in my life who I am very comfortable talking to on the phone, but I much prefer to text.

And this phone has a keypad to make all my texting dreams come true!

The only thing I do not love about it, is that I can only store 40 texts on it before it starts to tell me in no uncertain terms that my MAILBOX IS OVER IT'S LIMIT!

For a words of affirmation person, it's hard for me to delete texts. I look back at them, and smile because I can remember where I was when I got them... or keep them because they make me laugh, no matter how many times I've read them.

And I had an idea, plagarized from someone else's blog - I'll write them down! And then I wont be as sad to delete them, and my box can be filled with even MORE words of aff!

So, here are some of the gems that make me coo :)


You were on my "list" Lindsay Jones. Love you!

Awwwwwww... with accompanying finger wiggle. See u in a few.

I had a dream where you looked very cute in a top hat but not so cute in a jumpsuit made out of my comforter cover

I LOVE U

Obamer yer mamer!

STRUMPET!!!

Anytime. I am not overly emotional, but I wanted you to know much you mean to me.

He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it. I'm loving you, my best girls, today.

At this juncture I would like to say tru dat yo and good morning.

You too! And stop thinking about my legs!

You make me smile on the inside and outside! Goodnight precious!

Don't worry about it... I like the grumpy dwarf.

Let us take on this day and wrassle it to the ground til it bawls for mama!

Thanks! Its really rainy and I'm sick... so hopefully it will go well! Have good times with Jesus! :D
Daph is lying in her crib looking at her toes chanting "Aunt Winsey"

A heart and a spine!

Thanks! Go Jesus!!

HAPPY FRIDAY!!! Lots of Sabbath love to you from Jerusalem - your black friend

The Layers

I have walked through many lives,
some of them my own,
and I am not who I was,
though some principle of being abides,
from which I struggle not to stray.
When I look behind,
as I am compelled to look
before I can gather strength
to proceed on my journey,
I see the milestones dwindling
toward the horizon
and the slow fires trailing
from the abandoned camp-sites,
over which scavenger angels
wheel on heavy wings.
Oh, I have made myself a tribe
out of my true affections,
and my tribe is scattered!
How shall the heart be reconciled
to its feast of losses?
In a rising wind
the manic dust of my friends,
those who fell along the way,
bitterly stings my face.
Yet I turn, I turn,
exulting somewhat,
with my will intact to go
wherever I need to go,
and every stone on the road
precious to me.
In my darkest night,
when the moon was covered
and I roamed through wreckage,
a nimbus-clouded voice
directed me:
"Live in the layers,
not on the litter."
Though I lack the art
to decipher it,
no doubt the next chapter
in my book of transformations
is already written.
I am not done with my changes.

-Stanley Kunitz

A Tad Bit Sad...

My blog has been my happy place since 2004.

For all of those years, whenever anything happened in my life, be it happy or sad, my internal thought process was always, "I can't wait to blog about this."

It's been my way of processing much of what has occurred in these last four years.

Life has been incredibly busy. It always will be.

But this time around my blog has been the first thing to suffer.

And it makes me sad.

Longing

Last night during class we did meditation.

Focusing on being grounded... rooted in Mother Earth.

And as I listened, I realized - I'm so tired of earth.

I don't want to go any deeper.

I long for the Heavenly!

While the instructor had us focusing on roots growing out of our feet, I was focusing on my arms getting longer - reaching... reaching for what I know is mine.

I want to sing at the top of my lungs!

I want to dance with abandon!

I want to fling my arms wide and twirl endlessly!

I want to run into Jesus' open arms!

Part of my mind sees this so clearly... because part of my heart is already there... singing, dancing, twirling, running.

She helps keep my eyes focused on what's to come.

She reminds me that she's already there... that it's worth it to keep on keeping on.

Today she would have been 28.

I love you, Mindy Dawn.

Happy Birthday.

Rest

This afternoon I was lying on my bed in Mike & Rachelle's guest room, with a four year old curled up by side, both of reading, and I thought, "I'm re-teaching my body how to rest."

And I love it.

Taking two classes this semester has been really good for me, especially to prove to myself that I could do it... but it's exhausted me. I'm so grateful that one of the classes is over, and that I'm now on vacation in Washington.

And I realized that part of my rest has been this. There are no expectations on me out here. More than that... I have no expectations of myself for this week.

Rachelle & I lived together in VA for over a year. We already know what to expect from each other.

And beyond being a part of their daily lives, and bask in the joy of seeing them after over a year of being apart, there's nothing else for me to do.

It's been a wonderful break!

When I got in on Saturday, we took the ferry into Seattle, and then went to a fish ladder & botanical garden.

On Sunday, we drove to Mt Ranier, and the weather was amazing, so we could see it from miles away, and had a perfect view from the visitor center at the base. We hiked, laughed, took pictures, and enjoyed the beautiful day and God's amazing handiwork.

Yesterday Mike had to work, but the rest of us stayed in our pajamas for a good part of the morning, and just had a lazy day.

I've gone to bed early each night, and been able to sleep in.

I've gotten to be "Ant Lindsay" (a big difference after being "Ont Lindsay" to all my east coast kids) to a precious four & almost two year old.

There are not many people outside of family that I can truly let my guard down around... maybe that's why I think of Mike & Rachelle as part of my family, because it's so easy to just be me around them.

And to think... I have four more days of this.

Bliss.

My Conundrum

The have to's in my life are leaving no time for want to's...

And one of those want to's is blogging. However, when given the chance to get another 20 minutes of sleep, these days I need to take it.

This fall is treating me well, but I don't have much time to breathe.

I'm back in school, taking two classes this time, instead of just one. Swedish Massage II is on Tues from 5 - 10:15, and I have Massage Business Practice on Wed from 5 - 10:15... which means that by the time Thursday arrives, having just pulled two 16+ hour days in a row, I'm not what we would call the most efficient employee at work.

Swedish has been incredibly interesting and So Much Fun! We're learning all different modalities, and have studied Lomi Lomi (Hawaiian massage), abdominal, Russian, Thai and still have many other countries to learn from. I love the class, and come home completely energized!

The Business course, on the other hand, has been dry as toast... toast that started out as stale, perhaps even moldy bread.

However, one of the good things regarding the Business class was an assignment to get a massage from a place that you've never gone before, and write a paper on it. I picked a random place in Manch (with help from the internet) and had mine this morning. It went well, but I felt strange. I didn't tell the therapist before it began that I was going to be writing a paper on it, because I didn't want him to do anything different than he normally would. But after it was done, I wanted to ask him questions about some of the strokes he used, but I didn't want to be all "SURPRISE! I am about to go home and write a two page paper, critiquing all things about this entire experience."

And now the days are getting shorter, and I'm starting to see the whole urge to get into my pajamas the minute I step in the door beginning as it does each fall. Good thing about that is, when I get home after 11, it's allowed!

And now, I'm off to take a nap :)

Things That Made Me Laugh Out Loud

"If you think that temporary tattoos are ok, perhaps I can interest you in some temporary eternal damnation."

-Stephen Colbert

What's Your Comfort Food?

Besides box mac 'n' cheese (which we all know I refer to as "lolo"), which is my ultimate comfort food, my other comfort food of choice is cheese and crackers.

A couple weekends ago my heart was in lots of pain, and I didn't want to leave my house.

But, I had no food, so I made myself go to the grocery store.

I kind of went through the aisles in a daze, threw things in the cart, paid, and flew back to the safety of my home.

And I burst out laughing when I was putting away the food, because I had four types of crackers and two different cheeses.

What The Hail!

We've had so many thunderstorms in the last two months... and several of them (including today's) have been accompanied by hail.

World Vision

It's hard to figure out where to start with this. This weekend I had the amazing opportunity to volunteer with World Vision at Soul Fest up in northern NH.

There were so many things that were fun about Soul Fest... camping with Amy, seeing so many great bands (Third Day, Kutless, Newsboys, Barlow Girl, DecembeRadio... and my favorite, Stellar Kart), being on the beautiful skiing mountains in NH, meeting new people, etc, etc, etc!

And the many, many hours spent volunteering in the World Vision tents. There were two... one that was just set up for people to sponsor a child... and then there was a tent called "The Africa Experience." Listening to the story of a child (boy 13, girl 7, girl 17), people could walk through to get a minute taste of what life is like over in Africa.

Amy & I spent most of our time in the first tent, manning tables laden with packets about 500 children from Mozambique who are in desperate need of someone to sponsor them. This tent was less than 100 feet from the main stage, so we could pop out and be part of the concerts from time to time.

It was very thought provoking. Not so much there, because it was so loud a lot of the time, but as I've been home, I've found myself reliving many of the moments from being in the tent:

• Two teenage boys who agreed to sponsor a child together, and every time they'd see me or Amy in the crowd, would scream out their sponsored child's name and wave his picture at us with huge smiles
• Those who would walk away clutching their child's info as if they had a new family member
• A couple who picked a a little boy who's birthday would have been their miscarried child's birthdate
• One woman who refused to sponsor a child because she couldn't find one with the name "Nemo"
• Those who would walk away almost in tears, because they could only afford to sponsor one
• The little girl who already sponsored two, whose Mom had emphatically told her that morning, "Don't come home with another child," frantically calling her mom from her cell asking for "just one more"
• A grandmother, two daughters and two granddaughters going in together to sponsor a child, because none of them could afford to do it on their own
• Being chastised by one man because "why doesn't anyone care about the kids in the US?"
• Being thanked by countless for continuing the work in Africa
• Hearing multiple times "This one has my birthday, but this one is just so cute... which one?"

I sponsored my first child this weekend. Amy got there the day before I did, and as she was putting out the packets of children, she took a picture of little Rudis and sent him to me. And as soon as his precious face popped up on my phone, I knew he was mine.

And the more I think about it, the more passionate I become about this. These children have so much stacked against them, and I have so much going for me. So many of us do... and for the cost difference of making coffee at home as opposed to buying it each day, you can give a child food, clothes and the start of an education.

Will you pray about sponsoring a child?

I've Been Wanting to Act Again

And have been waiting "patiently" to see what the Fall production with Bedford Off Broadway would be.

I've known for awhile that this Fall's director would be the one who I worked with on "The Boys Next Door" and I loved working with him.

The postcard announcing auditions arrived yesterday, and I excitedly turned it over to see how many actors were needed, and what the specifications were.

It is a four person play.

One male and one female, ranging in age from 50 - 60

AND

One male and one female who are (and I quote) "physically able to move like a lizard."

That is all.

A Tiny Saturday Morning Insight

I've often caught myself thinking, "If I had only lived in Bible times, there would never be any feeling of disconnect with God."

Then the logical part of my brain kicks in and says, "You know that is not true," and then I go merrily on my way...

But generally when I think with envy of those who lived in Bible times, it's of those in the New Testament, who had daily interaction with Jesus. It just seems to my brain and my heart, that if I saw Jesus face to face and heard His teachings, that there would never be dry times.

I've read the stories enough to know that even those who were closest to Him had times of disconnect or disbelief, but I've always wished... just wished I could see His face and be changed forever, basking in the glow of having SEEN Him.

Today as I was reading in 1Kings, it hit me anew that God appeared to those in the Old Testament as well... and there weren't always happy outcomes with those certain individuals.

11:9 - speaking of Solomon "... because his heart had turned from the LORD God of Israel, who had appeared to him twice."

And it hit me - humans are humans regardless of the time that they lived. Regardless of how many times God appeared to Solomon... or to me... there is a tendency to stray when the going get tough, or when it just "doesn't feel real."

So, I happily keep plugging along, knowing that I'm normal. And if I keep searching, He'll keep being faithful.

Just Me & My Mom

Things I Find Unfortunate

I fear that Facebook is taking over my life.

I can be rather obsessive about certain things. I freely admit this.

And I love Facebook. It makes me happy.

But I have begun to think in Facebook speak.

When I first started playing games (like Scramble) on Facebook, I would find myself at work thinking "If I had these letters in a corner of the board I could make this word, and this word... OH, and THIS word! That's a good word!"

And now, I'm starting to think in status bar mode.

"Lindsay is LOVING Ben & Jerry's Creme Brulee ice cream"

"Lindsay finds it weird that it is raining in the front yard, but not in the back yard"

"Lindsay should stop wasting time on her computer, and accomplish things"

"Lindsay doesn't want to"

"Lindsay should stop referring to herself in the third person"

Lindsay's friends get the idea.

Because That's How I Roll

My vacation was wonderful. I needed a break in my busy world, and the thought that ran through my mind the entire time in Nova Scotia was, "There are no expectations of me during this week." I even left my own expectations of myself at home, which is a big deal!

I relaxed, read, watched tv, had wonderful talks with both Mom & Dad, ate home cooked meals, slept a LOT... it was wonderful! I was truly able to do nothing.

And in the car on the way home I thought, "This would be a good thing to keep up. It will be good to just slow down when I get home. I'll need this before I start school in the fall."

So, to start this whole Do Not Much lifestyle, on Saturday I...

Woke up in Aunt Kath & Uncle Rick's house
Went for a boat ride and swimming
Packed
Drove from ME to Manchester w/ my cousin Alex
Drove from Manchester to Allenstown for a bbq with friends
Drove from Allenstown to Manchester for dinner with Amy
Drove from Manch home
Amy came over and we had sat on the back porch and had a little fire

And today I...

Went to church
Started a movie, so I could relax a little
Went to the pool to have a little catch-up chat with Cherilyn
Drove to Milford to celebrate Katie's birthday with lots of fun peeps
Played in the rain with Amy at Key's field after said birthday party
Went to Evan & Jill's for dinner
Drove home from Milford
Unpacked from the trip
Did laundry
Finished the movie

And now... it's time to look ahead to going back to work.

So even though my vacation was ultra-wonderful, everything I wanted it to be, and a much needed break... I love my life... fast paced as it is.

Eat, Pray, Love

I loved this book! It was well written, deep, winsome, and I felt as if the author (Elizabeth Gilbert) was putting on paper what's been going on lately inside of my head and heart.

Even though I am not at a place in life where I can take a year off to go to Italy, India & Indonesia to discover God... the level of her almost desperate intensity in searching for the best that life has to offer is at the same intensity that mine has been for the last seven months.

This excerpt made me laugh. How often have these conversations taken place inside my own head, as I've tried to do my devotions. And though mine entailed kneeling in my living room, not a dark temple in India, my mind would "help" just as much as hers tried to.

Enjoy!

Me: Ok, we're going to meditate now. Let's draw our attention to our breath and focus on the mantra. Om Namah Shivaya. Om Namah Shiv -

Mind: I can help you out this this, you know!

Me: Ok, good, because I need your help. Let's go. Om Namah Shivaya. Om Namah Shi -

Mind: I can help you think of nice meditative images. Like - hey, here's a good one. Imagine you are a temple. A temple on an island! And the island in in the ocean!

Me: Oh, that is a nice image.

Mind: Thanks. I thought of it myself.

Me: But what ocean are we picturing here?

Mind: The Mediterranean. Imagine you're on of those Greek islands, with an old Greek temple on it. No, never mind, that's too touristy. You know what? Forget the ocean. Oceans are too dangerous. Here's a better idea - imagine you're an island in a lake, instead.

Me: Can we meditate now, please? Om Namah Shiv -

Mind: Yes! Definitely! But try not to picture that the lake is covered with... what are those things called -

Me: Jet Skis?

Mind: Yes! Jet Skis! Those thing consume so much fuel! They're really a menace to the environment. Do you know what else uses a lot of fuel? Leaf blowers. You wouldn't think so, but-

Me: OK, but let's MEDITATE now, please? Om Namah -

Mind: Right! I definitely want to help you meditate! And that's why we're going to skip the image of an island on a lake or an ocean, because that's obviously not working. So let's imagine that you're an island in... a river!

Me: Oh, you mean like Bannerman Island, in the Hudson River?

Mind: Yes! Exactly! Perfect. Therefore, in conclusion, let's meditate on this image - envision that you are an island in a river. All the thoughts that float by as you're meditating, these are just the river's natural currents and you can ignore them because you are an island.

Me: Wait, I thought you said I was a temple.

Mind: That's right, sorry. You're a temple on an island. In fact, you are both the temple and the island.

Me: Am I also the river?

Mind: No, the river is just the thoughts.

Me: Stop! Please stop! YOU'RE MAKING ME CRAZY!!!

Mind (wounded): Sorry. I was only trying to help.

Me: Om Namah Shivaya... Om Namah Shivaya...Om Namah Shivaya...

Here there is a promising eight-second pause in the thoughts. But then -

Mind: Are you mad at me now?

The Antidote for an Alexander Day

If thou of fortune be bereft,
And in thy store there be but left
two loaves,

Sell one, and with the dole,
Buy Hyacinths to feed thy soul
~Muslih-uddin Sadi

Sure, they're not hyacinths, and I am not bereft of my fortune... BUT the principle of the matter is as follows.

Flowers do my heart all kinds of good.
And today was not what I would refer to as my favorite.

Moral to take away from this story:

When you walk into a grocery store and you see that they are selling flowers three bunches for $10, and the bunches that they are selling are your ultimate favorites...

Quote your favorite poem and buy with abandon!

Conversations...

Between the Birthday Boy and Aunt Lindsay:

(On the way to purchasing the gift of his choice, from the Child Wonderland we refer to as WalMart)

"Well Buddy, after we buy this Aunt Lindsay will take it home and wrap it, so you need to forget about it. AND, I'm going to wrap it in CareBear wrapping paper, because I know you love those."

A snort from the back seat, followed by...

"Well, at least it would be better than the time you wrapped my present in a garbage bag for my fifth birthday!"

After a remark like that, guess who's present was wrapped lovingly in CareBears this evening??

She Lives!

I just finished training a four week new hire class, in which I had 17 new minds to mold in the ways of health insurance customer service.

During new hire classes where the roster is above 10, I tend to tuck my head down, focus on the materials, put in lots of overtime, go to bed early, and let most other things in my life come to a screeching halt.

During my second week of training, I left my house one morning at the usual time of 6:45, put in roughly ten hours at work, got back to my house around 6:00, changed, got on the lawn mower and spent almost two hours mowing the gargantuan lawn that surrounds my house. As I was careening around one portion, thinking as an outsider looking in on my life I thought, "It's a far cry from 'Sex in the City.' "

Even though I have never watched an episode and was not one of the millions to see it in the theatre, I am quite sure there is not a character who works long hours, goes home alone, and mows the lawn. And yet, I would put money on the fact that I'm a lot happier than any of the characters portrayed in that show.

This class that I just finished had it's share of funny people in it. I love funny people. If you make me laugh, the chances are pretty good that you have secured a little place for yourself in my heart.

An example...

I walked into my classroom one morning, and there was just one participant sitting there.

"Good morning, Sunshine," I said in my there's-no-way-I-could-be-this-cheerful-this-early-without-coffee way

"Good morning," he replied.

A moment later, he said... "I'm really glad we had this talk."


This four week block of time has also held a lot more than this class... but at least it's a tiny update for you, Rachelle... to show that I'm still alive :)

Every Now and Then...

...You get the perfect picture.

An Evening With My Boys

It still amazes me that after all the years of constant bickering, Evan is one of my best friends... the one that I call when my world falls apart.


I'm the only girl who has the honor of having Darren as an older brother.
And that makes me one of the luckiest females alive!
His hugs make me feel as if nothing could ever go wrong... and who else gets to say that they have an entire dictionary on speed dial??





I looked at this picture and thought how very grown up they look.
They've just always been "the boys" in my mind, but here they are...
loving husbands, caring fathers, an attorney & an electrician.
It's been an amazing journey to witness.

You Know That a Day is Not Your Day...

... when even God jumps on the bandwagon of teasing.

On Wednesday, things were not going well. It had been a really long, drawn out, hate my job and my life day, and I had plans to meet a friend for dinner.

I was praying on the way to the coffee shop that God would lift not only my bad mood, but some of the "heavies" of life that were weighing me down.

As I prayed, I saw a car coming down the road toward me and read it's personalized plate... "HEB817."

I think I yelped in glee, thinking that God had answered my prayer by sending me a message via license plate!

Before meeting my friend I had to run into WhaleMart for a card, and beelined it to the book section.

With breath held, I turned to Hebrews 8:17... only to find that Hebrews 8 only goes up to verse 13.

"Are you even kidding me?" I said, in my very out loud voice, in the aisle.

"Maybe I remembered it wrong," I said in my inside voice. "Maybe it was 3:17."

I turned back a few pages... and burst out laughing.

"Now with whom was He angry for 40 years? Was it not with those who sinned, whose corpses fell in the wilderness?"

"Very funny, God..." (can't remember if that was in my inside or out loud voice)

SO, to Henry & Evelyn Barrier who were married on August 17th...

or Hailey Elisabeth Brown who's parents gave her a brand new car when she turned 16 on August 17th...

I have this to say.

NOT COOL!!

My Girl!

A Picture

I see her in my mind's eye.

She is lying prostrate on the ground, wishing that the fingers of her soul could feel the printed words that her fingertips are caressing.

Longing for the touch on her heart, just as she is touching the words that He wrote to her.

And yet, even more than needing to grasp onto the promises He made, she is crawling over the book...

Straight to the Source.

Grasping His feet... the feet that have scars that He took... for her.

And she feels a hand on her back, moving under her shoulder, and drawing her up from the ground.

She is now kneeling, tears streaming.

His hands, now under her arms, bringing her to her feet.

And then, a strong hand, under her chin, gently tilting it back until she is staring... staring into the eyes of Love itself.

What she had clung to as earthly love, dissipates in comparison to this... ultimate love... genuine love.

Riveted, she cannot turn away.

And knowing her every longing, He draws her into His embrace.

Her head on His chest.

And she finds what she's been longing for.

She is... at rest.

Three Smallish Tidbits

Small Tidbit the First - have you ever thought, "I wonder if there's a hidden camera watching me?"

I will readily admit that I've thought this periodically my whole life.

Most recently was last night when I was typing, and suddenly held my hands up off the keyboard to look at my wee little fingers.

I wiggled them and chanted softly "midget fingers... midget fingers" and then my head snapped up, mortified that perhaps this hidden camera that stalks me was taping at that very moment.

Of course, if I was really that concerned about people not knowing about this, I wouldn't have come running to my blog and typed it for all the world to read.

Small Tidbit the Second - Why are the Bedford Librarians SO MEAN?

I am what we would affectionately refer to as a Space Cadet. It comes with my shade of hair, thank you very much.

I forget things - a lot. Therefore, I should be a Librarian's dream... a veritable angel in disguise.

Stringed quartets should play when I walk in with my overdue books and movies.

Entire wings of libraries should be named after me, as I am the one who has single-handedly funded their building.

But no... the Bedford Librarians do not see me as a Goddess of Financial Windfall-ness. They see me as a bother. One who makes the computer sound a godawful noise when I swipe my card, asking them please to take my hard earned money for their coffers.

Just the other day I walked in and said sheepishly, "I think I owe you money."

She took my card, swiped it, the computer balked, and with eyes bugging she said, "You owe us EIGHT DOLLARS."

I graciously took out a $20 and handed it over. (Thinking of it now, I should have had her keep the entire thing as a credit on my account)

She (not so graciously) took it, counted out $12 into my midget fingered hands and, without making any sort of eye contact, slid my newly checked out videos across the counter to me.

"Thanks, and have a great day," I said in my most winsome voice.

She ignored me until I walked out the door, where I imagine she had all SORTS of things to say to her fellow Bedford Librarians about me.

(Lest I paint too poor a picture of this library, there is one librarian there who is nice... so nice, in fact, that it's as if she is apologizing for all the others)

Small Tidbit the Third - You know when there's something that you feel as if God is asking for you to place on the altar of your life?

And you do so... for what seems like the 8703 time.

And He takes you up on it, and finally rips it from your grasp?

You know how that hurts? Even though deep down you know it's what you want... because it's what He wants?

Yeah, me too.

Never A Dull Moment

The other night I was over at Evan & Jill's helping Mom get dinner ready.

Tucker came into the kitchen riding a stick horse and wearing a cowboy hat.

He looked up at me with big eyes and said, "Dee - sldfj sfjwoe pee pee hqjaidj fhrjeea."

"Did you go pee pee?" I asked.

He nodded.

"I'm wicked proud of you," I told him, kissing his blonde head.

Then I noticed a large wet spot on his pants.

"Let's go upstairs and get you changed."

"Lindsay, he said that he went pee in your car," said Jed, Tucker's interpreter.

"Tucker, did you go pee in Dee's car?"

He nodded.

Fantastic.

"Where in my car did you pee?"

"Show," Tucker said, taking my hand.

Out to the car we went, and Tucker proudly opened the driver's side door to reveal a large wet spot on my seat.

When I went out to my car later, my older brother in all his funniness had put a label on the back of my headrest.

"PLEASE DO NOT USE THIS SEAT AS A RESTROOM"

I Will Not Be Moved

Today started out sunny... both outside and in my heart.

And on the way to work my heart soared as I sang along with the radio

I will stumble
I will fall down
But I will not be moved
I will make mistakes
I will face heartache
But I will not be moved
On Christ the Solid Rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
I will not be moved

This fall I felt like I was constantly being pushed down. Constantly stumbling and making mistakes.

It was tiny, but there was an inner core strength.

And in the last few months as I've begun realizing who I am in Christ, I've felt that inner core grow stronger.

This morning, I was picturing it as a rod down my spine, keeping me upright.

And a rod across my shoulders keeping them broad.

Making a cross.

Because of what Jesus did for me on the cross, I can carry that inner strength wherever I go.

And this afternoon the storms came, not outside but in my heart. I had made some large miscalculations, and suddenly my future, in which I've had so much confidence lately, came crashing down.

I began to revert to the old Lindsay who I'm desperately trying to leave behind. The mental self-flaggalation began, as I berated myself for being so stupid.

God and I spent much of this afternoon in deep conversation, and I came to realize that even though it's so uncomfortable, this is where He wants me... out of my comfort zone.

He doesn't want me to be overconfident in my future... taking pride in the fact that I can take care of myself if I have to.

What's the good of having a God who wants to take care of me, if I don't allow Him to?

It's true. I will stumble. I will fall down. But I Will Not Be Moved.

So, I choose to smile while facing the future. Whatever happens.

I Have New Hairs :)

Business in the front...

PARTY IN THE BACK :)

Sigh.

RIP little crocus...

Can This Be??

Is Spring really going to come to NH? It seems as if it might actually happen.

Of course, this is 10 feet away from the flower, but HEY... at least there IS a flower!!

Just A Story

Never had the little girl seen a place like this. It was a shop containing all that would make a heart happy.

Some would call it candy, and yet, as she stood there with eyes wide in wonder, she knew that there were no words yet created in the English language that described these treasures.

The smells were unearthly. Like all things loved, condensed in one place.

The colors made her heart ache with their beauty.

Shelves from floor to ceiling, lined with baskets. And each basket containing a better treasure than the one before.

At first, overwhelmed, all she could do was look. Then, she was compelled to feel. Her hands plunging into the nearest basket, bringing what it held to her face so that she could breath in the aroma.

Her smile lit up her entire face. She could feel the joy showing in her eyes. The excitement was too much to bear. She stretched out her arms, face to the ceiling and laughed!

And then, she saw it. On the top shelf. The most beautiful of all.

By this time, those who loved her best had heard her joy, and were coming to share in her wonder and help her with her choice.

Try this one.

That one is perfect!

Have you ever seen anything like this?

As she listened, her eyes kept going back to the treasure on the top shelf. It contained all that she was longing for. All that she thought would bring fulfillment.

But the price tag was standing in her way. It was asking for more than she was willing to give. This one thing that she longed for required a trade.

In order to have that treasure, she must give away her soul.

She didn't even realize that tears were running down her cheeks.

She smiled at the advice of the bystanders, and even willingly held and tasted what they suggested. But her eyes kept straying upwards... to the basket containing her heart's desire.

And then, the walls faded way. Her loved ones disappeared. And she was face to face with the Shopkeeper.

Her heart sang, as she realized, with the distractions gone, that He was the one she was longing for. Not the treasures that came wrapped in shiny paper, nor the smells that filled her with longing.

He held out his arms, and she was enveloped by a love that finally made her heart whole...

Pix From the Past Month

Pretty much I thank God every day for bringing these two precious friends into my life. The bond that I have with each of them, and that we have as a three-fold-cord is so deep that I wonder at times how it can get any better. And yet, each time we get together, it does.
This is from two Fridays ago when Jill and I went to see "Celtic Woman" in concert at the Verizon. This was to be our first of many pictures that evening, however, all things photo related were turned back at the door, so it ended up being the first and last :)
Vicki T!! My fellow trainer at work. We went to Dunkin Donuts for a coffee break and saw these amazingly large filters. She made a crack at how large they were and I stated my wish to wear one on my head. Our maker of iced coffees heard us and graciously bestowed them upon us as parting gifts.
Luke was one of my best friends through high school... we've been seperated by an entire continent for years, but he's back in NH now, and when we met for coffee, it was as if our high school friendship was just weeks ago. Only now, we are all grown up.
What erases a bad week? A Friday night out with the person who knows you and loves you for all that you are, of course. Last night we went to the best Mexican/American joint around, and between chips, salsa, pina coladas and laughter... friendship washed away the effects of a really l-o-n-g week.

Soul Mates

In a conversation with a friend a little while ago, I asked her whether she thought it was possible to have more than one soul mate in a lifetime?

And also, whether she thought it possible to have a soul mate that you will never marry, perhaps because of timing, circumstances, beliefs?

It's a difficult question. One that I think about... a lot.

Tonight, I asked another friend, and her answer made my heart happy.

That even though we all have a deep heart desire for a human soul mate who truly understands us, there's an even deeper desire.

One that can only be filled by Someone who created us.

Jesus is our Ultimate Soul Mate.

Quelled By A Child

Tonight I was at dinner with a friend.

Neither said friend or myself is what we would refer to as quiet diners.

Part way through our meal, a family with small children was seated at the table next to us.

As we talked and laughed, their smallest child (I'm guessing two) looked at me and said,

"Silence!"

The Process

At first, an idea emerges as a tiny niggling in my mind.

Then it begins to grow, and continues until I can think of nothing else.

The words tumble over and over in my mind, as I struggle to visualize just how I want to see them on paper.

Composing them into a beautiful structure becomes my obsession.

I look frantically for pen and paper as the words start falling from my head to my hand.

My penmanship, which I desperately try to keep uniform, goes by the wayside as I race to jot down my thoughts.

Once the ideas are purged from my thoughts to paper, I stare at the mess of words and scribbles.

And I am happy.

For I have created.

JAMBOG - Part the Second

In which I must create a McGyver like ending (utilizing the four things from my previous post) to a scenario put forth by the Honorable VA Joneses.

I pick:

Scenario #3: You're imprisoned in an old castle dungeon. Guards stand outside your cell. A moat surrounds the castle. How do you escape?

There was no way I was going to sit around in this castle, while such things as an exciting job as employee trainer at a local health insurance company awaited. I had to act swiftly.

"Guard dear," I said in my most coaxing voice, "Kindly step this way." He put his face to the bars in the door, and I put mine close to his.

"You have two options... You can either listen to my clever ideas about me being outside of these walls, or you can be part of my escape. If you choose the latter, I will give you the prize I just won at work... all expenses paid trip to a sub-zero-yet-supposedly-very-romantic ice hotel."

"Um - I'm not supposed to be talking to you," he said, in an oafish tone, as most guards in old castles are stereotypically typecast to use.

I sighed, and as I did, brought my right hand (which had been cleverly unplugging and clutching the only source of light that had been provided in my "room") up to the bars and struck him firmly on the head... all the while thinking to myself that weapons in most stories are not as aesthetically pleasing as mine.

I went to the window and whistled shrilly three times... and up to the edge of the moat roared my rescuer, perched atop his trusty metal steed with sidecar... said sidecar waiting patiently for me to inhabit it.

"Do you have the money to pay off the other guard," I asked, blue eyes ready to go puppy-dog style if need be.

"Though I am money personified," said he... "we will not be needing the traditional dollars and cents" and with a flourish he unfurled his startling long comb over. It stretched across the moat, and with very little coaxing I climbed out of the window, trounced across his hair without getting my shoes wet, and settled myself happily in the sidecar.

And that is all I have to say about that...

Things That Are Way Strange... And Bad, Even

I have writer's block.

And I do not love it.

The end.

(The really frustrating thing is, there is a lot going on in my mind... I just can't get it out in words. And sometimes if I just admit that I have writer's block, the words explode.)

Cross your fingers!

And now... really the end.

JAMBOG, of course

From Darren/Sara's blog, I present to you my entries for JAMBOG...

Money

Mode of Transportation

Light

COLD

The Blondes Have It

Due to the recent viewing of a movie in which the main character buys a villa in Tuscany on a whim, I've decided I must have one as well.

So, the other day I was online googling the daylights out of Tuscan villas.

And I went to this one site that had spectacular pictures, and all that one could ever want while searching for things that will never happen.

But I was puzzled.

Why would this website be entitled totuscany.com?

And what did "totu scany" have to do with anything?

When I figured it out, I was glad that no one could read my thoughts... and vowed that people would never know.

But because I am who I am, it took less than 30 seconds for me to share the story with a friend, because... that's how I roll!

He Loves Me

I love my nieces and nephews... passionately.

This comes as a shock to no one who knows me, or reads this blog.

Sometimes when I see them my heart hurts, because I love them so much.

And today my heart felt as if it would explode from my chest when I realized that God's love for me surpasses what I feel for those precious children.

Surpasses it by lengths I can't even begin to fathom.

This glimpse of love came from hearing one of my favorite songs on the radio. It's a remake of an old Phillips, Craig and Dean song, "When God Ran," this time sung by Across the Sky.

At the beginning of the song it describes God as One who never changes... is unshakeable... solid to the extreme

Almighty God

The Great I Am

Immoveable Rock

Omnipotent

Powerful

Awesome Lord

Victorious Warrior

Mighty Conqueror

Commanding King of Kings

And then it switches over, showing God as a Father who not only loves His children, but pursues them... who scoops them up and holds them when they hurt... or when they've strayed

The only time I ever saw Him run

Was when He ran to me,

Took me in His arms,

Held my head to His chest

And said "My son's come home again".

Looked in my face,

Wiped the tears from my eyes

With forgiveness in His voice

He said

"Son, do you know I still love you?"

I long for the day that I feel His arms around me physically... the day that I get to put my head on His chest and truly rest.

It caught me by surprise

It dropped me to my knees

When God ran

But until that time I'm grateful He gives glimpses of His love... glimpses that keep me wanting more.

I Pose This Question

Why is it that men seem to have an aversion to umbrellas?

This morning, we received inches and inches of snow.

And then ice.

And then torrential rain fell all.day.long.

It was SO wet outside.

And yet, I saw not one man with an umbrella.

I saw many women with them.

I even had an extra one that I offered to a male specimen.

He declined. And then later complained of wet socks.

Is it considered de-masculinization for them to stay dry in rain?

I do not understand.

Enlighten me?

Beauty

"In one of the stars I shall be living.

In one of them I shall be laughing.

And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing.

When you look at the sky at night...

You, you will have stars that can laugh!"

- The Little Prince (Antoine De Saint-Exupéry)

We're Home!

Here we are... right before getting on board the ship.

Friend. Coffee. Ocean. Bible. Bahamas.
Life really can't get much better than it was at that moment!

I've wanted to go parasailing for years!

Being that high above the islands (at least 300 feet) was an amazing experience! It was incredibly peaceful... and had a way of putting things in perspective.

Now I can cross that off my 30 by 30 list!!

This was about as much fun as a barrel of monkeys! Maybe even more so! We went all over Nassau. Didn't have a map, so just explored.
Exhilarating!!

The last morning... Sad it was over, but what an amazing time! So many happy memories!

(this is just a fraction of the pictures... I loaded a bunch more on my Facebook page)

So Much Truth

I've been loving this song lately!

I Still Believe

Scattered words and empty thoughts
Seem to pour from my heart
I've never felt so torn before
Seems I don't know where to start

But its now I feel Your grace fall like rain
From every fingertip
Washing away my pain

I still believe in Your faithfulness!
I still believe in Your truth.
I still believe in Your holy word.
Even when I dont see, I still believe!

Though the questions still fog up my mind
With promises I still seem to bear
Even when answers slowly unwind
It's my heart I see You prepare

But its now that I feel Your grace fall like rain
From every fingertip
Washing away my pain

The only place I can go is into Your arms
Where I throw to You my feeble prayers
In brokeness I can see
That this is Your will for me
Help me to know You are near

I still believe in Your faithfulness
I still believe in Your truth
I still believe in Your holy word
Even when I dont see, I still believe

- Jeremy Camp

No Place I'd Rather Be

Fresh Beginnings

For my birthday I received a Willow Tree figurine of a girl with arms flung wide, reveling in the joy of life. And it made me cry. Because that’s what I had been… and what I longed to be again.

But I was stuck. I was hurting. There was none of the joy in life that I was used to experiencing.

The past year had been filled with difficult situations. Each time I would struggle to regain my footing, a new circumstance would come along my path and knock me down again.

I wasn’t sleeping. I was exhausted. And the closest to giving up that I’ve ever been.

In my exhaustion, there was a constant crying out… “Jesus… I can’t do this any more. Why are You doing this to me?” Sometimes it even took too much effort to vocalize my thoughts…or to get on my knees. I would be flat on my face, sobbing at the foot of the cross. And still, I felt so alone.

I was beginning to feel frantic. There had to be something better.

The desperation reached a fever pitch in December. I felt as if my spiritual life was hanging in the balance. Something had to break, or I would be the one breaking.

And I started looking ahead to 2008 - clinging to the fact that it could be a new slate. A fresh start.

My backbone began to stiffen, my soul began to wonder if there was a small glimmer of hope.

I began to tell myself I was not going to give up without a fight.

A plan began to formulate...

I knew that God wanted to meet with me. He wanted to be an “us.” But “us” as a word means “more than one,” so “us” only works when I make the choice to meet with Him.

It is so elementary… what I have been raised with… lived most of my life doing.

Since the beginning of the year, I’ve been immersing myself in Him. Relearning what it is to willingly spend time with Him. Instead of just screaming “I can’t do this,” choosing to rest in the fact that He’s not asking me to do it… at least not alone.

And the joy is returning. I no longer look at the Willow Tree figurine with envy. I look at her, smile, and throw my arms in the air as well.

Like Mary, as she sobbed in the garden that morning of His resurrection, Jesus came to me. He was waiting for me to stop crying long enough to hear His gentle, “Lindsay.”

"Your satisfaction with Him will never be greater than your desire for Him." - Dr Paul Chapell

A Great Man

There are some fathers who emulate God's Father love... who teach you to crave His love, and not to fear Him.

My Dad is quietly one of those.

Happy birthday, Daddy.

There's not a day that goes by where I'm not thankful that I'm your little girl.

I Love to LAUGH!

Massage - $77
Bottled Water - $2.50
Sharing a laugh with a stranger - Priceless

This afternoon, after a most relaxing massage (with no Houston-esque extras, you'll be glad to know) I went to Barnes & Noble.

And while there, made a quick trip to the restroom. Another lady was ahead of me, but right before we walked in we saw a woman walk into the men's room.

First lady and I looked at each, shrugged our shoulders, and went into our respective stalls.

All was silent, and then we heard a horrified yell from beyond the wall.

And we both burst out laughing.

The laughing continued until we met again at the sink.

"I can't wait to tell my family about this," she said.

"And I can wait to tell my blog about this," thought I.

Emotional Bandaids

The original bandaid had been on for so long that I no longer knew what the wound underneath looked like.

When it hurt, I would just carefully place a fresh bandaid on top of all the others. From my vantage point, there was always a clean bandaid to look down at.

She came alongside and saw what I was choosing to turn a blind eye toward. A deep wound that would never have a chance to heal, because it was being jealously guarded by someone afraid of the pain that taking the years worth of bandaids off would entail.

A relationship of trust was built, and a tiny thought in my heart began to wonder what it would be like to uncover the wound.

The fear was still an insurmountable obstacle, but I was lovingly persuaded to let someone else do the revealing.

Silent tears rolling down my cheeks... shaking in fear... my soul laid completely bare.

Just as a child panicking at the thought of having a bandaid ripped off a skinned knee, the fear of what would be found was worse than the pain of the actual process.

Afterwards, sobs of exhaustion and relief. It was over.

The wound was revealed.

It could now start to heal.

My Wish for 2008

Twenty years from now

you will be more disappointed

by the things you didn't do

than by the ones you did do.

So throw off the bowlines,

sail away from the safe harbor.

Catch the trade winds in your sails.

Explore.

Dream.

Discover.

-Mark Twain

Shoppin' for Shovels

NH has had the snowiest December on record. And with yesterday's storm, it looks like January wants to beat some records as well.

So, at the top of my mental list of things to do this evening was "buy a shovel."

I told Dad about it. He said, "There are lots of shovels out there. Make sure you get one that's not too big for you... one that will work well for you."

Now I was envisioning a store with rows upon rows of shovels... all shapes, colors and sizes.

I told Steph. She said, "Uh oh - do you need me to go with you to buy this shovel?"

For goodNESS sake, thought I... this was supposed to be an easy thing to cross off my list. Now, everyone is questioning my shovel buying abilities.

I am 29.

I can buy a shovel on my own.

Target was my store of choice. I walked in, and there were no rows upon rows of shovels.

There was one small aisle, and it had only one type... and the handle was retractable... and I didn't like it.

I scoffed at their sad selection and informed the shovel aisle in no uncertain terms that I was taking my money to Lowe's, where I would have a fabulous selection to choose from, and would purchase the epitome of shovel perfection.

Into Lowe's I marched. And went to "Seasonal," because when you live in NH and it's January 2nd, "Seasonal" says to me "Shovels, Snowblowers, Ice, Sand, Etc."

Apparently the people who create the hanging signs in Lowe's work from FLORIDA, because the "Seasonal" section was filled with annuals, perennials, and enough dirt to cover just about anything you desired. WHO even plants flowers in January in NH??

By this time, having had my shovel buying prowess questioned, I was not going to fail on this mission. I looked all over, and finally had to ask someone.

He said, "I don't have many left," and pointed to FOUR shovels.

Who even knew that with the 87 feet of snow that we've gotten in the last three days, that others would want to purchase shovels as well?


The handles didn't retract... in fact, they were a little bent, supposedly to help my back, so I grabbed one and went to pay for it.

The cashier who rang me up works at the place that I work, so to make nice small talk I said, "Wow - it's a long day for you, eh?"

This apparently was the equivalent of me holding a knife to her throat, as she glared at me, mumbled something in the affirmative, and then threw my change at me.

Note to self... don't break cardinal rule of acknowledging co-workers outside the confines of our beloved building.

I walked my shovel back to my car, and informed it that it's name was now "Frank."

He sat up front, but he is not much of a conversationalist.

I got home, but it was so bitterly cold I had already decided Frank and I would shovel tomorrow... and when I turned into my driveway, much to my joyous surprise and relief I saw...

Frank was not needed tonight!


Someone had already shoveled me out.

A Little Re-cap of New Year's Eve

Last night, the festivities began at Texas Roadhouse with Drewey, Amy, DJ & Wes... oh, and me.

The wait was l-o-n-g... including much peanut tossing back and forth. A particularly bling-ed out patron was caught in the cross-fire once, but no harm done...

The food was amazing, as always, and then we headed back to DJ's place... losing Drewey to a Watch Night service along the way.

By the time we reached DJ's house, my body was seeing my food choice as a suicide attempt, and was doing all that it could to let me know it did not approve.

Every once in a while, since having my gallbladder taken out last fall, my body decides to revisit the fun times that gallbladder attacks were, just to see if I remember what they're like.

Believe me... I remember.

So, for about 45 minutes, I lay curled in a ball on DJ's bedroom floor, assuring my body we would get through this.

DJ came in and rubbed my back, and when I could uncurl, he lay down beside me, shoulder to shoulder, for support.

After I convinced my body that it would survive to see another year, we watched "Sleepless in Seattle" which is probably one of my top five favorites for movies. Wes threatened to go in and curl up in a ball on the floor at having to watch a chick-flick, but I think he made it through just fine.

On this day of focusing on what the last year held, and what the future may hold, I think on this...

I am lucky in the friends that I have!