The other night I was over at Evan & Jill's helping Mom get dinner ready.
Tucker came into the kitchen riding a stick horse and wearing a cowboy hat.
He looked up at me with big eyes and said, "Dee - sldfj sfjwoe pee pee hqjaidj fhrjeea."
"Did you go pee pee?" I asked.
He nodded.
"I'm wicked proud of you," I told him, kissing his blonde head.
Then I noticed a large wet spot on his pants.
"Let's go upstairs and get you changed."
"Lindsay, he said that he went pee in your car," said Jed, Tucker's interpreter.
"Tucker, did you go pee in Dee's car?"
He nodded.
Fantastic.
"Where in my car did you pee?"
"Show," Tucker said, taking my hand.
Out to the car we went, and Tucker proudly opened the driver's side door to reveal a large wet spot on my seat.
When I went out to my car later, my older brother in all his funniness had put a label on the back of my headrest.
"PLEASE DO NOT USE THIS SEAT AS A RESTROOM"
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
I Will Not Be Moved
Today started out sunny... both outside and in my heart.
And on the way to work my heart soared as I sang along with the radio
I will stumble
I will fall down
But I will not be moved
I will make mistakes
I will face heartache
But I will not be moved
On Christ the Solid Rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
I will not be moved
This fall I felt like I was constantly being pushed down. Constantly stumbling and making mistakes.
It was tiny, but there was an inner core strength.
And in the last few months as I've begun realizing who I am in Christ, I've felt that inner core grow stronger.
This morning, I was picturing it as a rod down my spine, keeping me upright.
And a rod across my shoulders keeping them broad.
Making a cross.
Because of what Jesus did for me on the cross, I can carry that inner strength wherever I go.
And this afternoon the storms came, not outside but in my heart. I had made some large miscalculations, and suddenly my future, in which I've had so much confidence lately, came crashing down.
I began to revert to the old Lindsay who I'm desperately trying to leave behind. The mental self-flaggalation began, as I berated myself for being so stupid.
God and I spent much of this afternoon in deep conversation, and I came to realize that even though it's so uncomfortable, this is where He wants me... out of my comfort zone.
He doesn't want me to be overconfident in my future... taking pride in the fact that I can take care of myself if I have to.
What's the good of having a God who wants to take care of me, if I don't allow Him to?
It's true. I will stumble. I will fall down. But I Will Not Be Moved.
So, I choose to smile while facing the future. Whatever happens.
And on the way to work my heart soared as I sang along with the radio
I will stumble
I will fall down
But I will not be moved
I will make mistakes
I will face heartache
But I will not be moved
On Christ the Solid Rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
I will not be moved
This fall I felt like I was constantly being pushed down. Constantly stumbling and making mistakes.
It was tiny, but there was an inner core strength.
And in the last few months as I've begun realizing who I am in Christ, I've felt that inner core grow stronger.
This morning, I was picturing it as a rod down my spine, keeping me upright.
And a rod across my shoulders keeping them broad.
Making a cross.
Because of what Jesus did for me on the cross, I can carry that inner strength wherever I go.
And this afternoon the storms came, not outside but in my heart. I had made some large miscalculations, and suddenly my future, in which I've had so much confidence lately, came crashing down.
I began to revert to the old Lindsay who I'm desperately trying to leave behind. The mental self-flaggalation began, as I berated myself for being so stupid.
God and I spent much of this afternoon in deep conversation, and I came to realize that even though it's so uncomfortable, this is where He wants me... out of my comfort zone.
He doesn't want me to be overconfident in my future... taking pride in the fact that I can take care of myself if I have to.
What's the good of having a God who wants to take care of me, if I don't allow Him to?
It's true. I will stumble. I will fall down. But I Will Not Be Moved.
So, I choose to smile while facing the future. Whatever happens.
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
Friday, April 04, 2008
Thursday, April 03, 2008
Can This Be??
Is Spring really going to come to NH? It seems as if it might actually happen.
Of course, this is 10 feet away from the flower, but HEY... at least there IS a flower!!Tuesday, April 01, 2008
Just A Story
Never had the little girl seen a place like this. It was a shop containing all that would make a heart happy.
Some would call it candy, and yet, as she stood there with eyes wide in wonder, she knew that there were no words yet created in the English language that described these treasures.
The smells were unearthly. Like all things loved, condensed in one place.
The colors made her heart ache with their beauty.
Shelves from floor to ceiling, lined with baskets. And each basket containing a better treasure than the one before.
At first, overwhelmed, all she could do was look. Then, she was compelled to feel. Her hands plunging into the nearest basket, bringing what it held to her face so that she could breath in the aroma.
Her smile lit up her entire face. She could feel the joy showing in her eyes. The excitement was too much to bear. She stretched out her arms, face to the ceiling and laughed!
And then, she saw it. On the top shelf. The most beautiful of all.
By this time, those who loved her best had heard her joy, and were coming to share in her wonder and help her with her choice.
Try this one.
That one is perfect!
Have you ever seen anything like this?
As she listened, her eyes kept going back to the treasure on the top shelf. It contained all that she was longing for. All that she thought would bring fulfillment.
But the price tag was standing in her way. It was asking for more than she was willing to give. This one thing that she longed for required a trade.
In order to have that treasure, she must give away her soul.
She didn't even realize that tears were running down her cheeks.
She smiled at the advice of the bystanders, and even willingly held and tasted what they suggested. But her eyes kept straying upwards... to the basket containing her heart's desire.
And then, the walls faded way. Her loved ones disappeared. And she was face to face with the Shopkeeper.
Her heart sang, as she realized, with the distractions gone, that He was the one she was longing for. Not the treasures that came wrapped in shiny paper, nor the smells that filled her with longing.
He held out his arms, and she was enveloped by a love that finally made her heart whole...
Some would call it candy, and yet, as she stood there with eyes wide in wonder, she knew that there were no words yet created in the English language that described these treasures.
The smells were unearthly. Like all things loved, condensed in one place.
The colors made her heart ache with their beauty.
Shelves from floor to ceiling, lined with baskets. And each basket containing a better treasure than the one before.
At first, overwhelmed, all she could do was look. Then, she was compelled to feel. Her hands plunging into the nearest basket, bringing what it held to her face so that she could breath in the aroma.
Her smile lit up her entire face. She could feel the joy showing in her eyes. The excitement was too much to bear. She stretched out her arms, face to the ceiling and laughed!
And then, she saw it. On the top shelf. The most beautiful of all.
By this time, those who loved her best had heard her joy, and were coming to share in her wonder and help her with her choice.
Try this one.
That one is perfect!
Have you ever seen anything like this?
As she listened, her eyes kept going back to the treasure on the top shelf. It contained all that she was longing for. All that she thought would bring fulfillment.
But the price tag was standing in her way. It was asking for more than she was willing to give. This one thing that she longed for required a trade.
In order to have that treasure, she must give away her soul.
She didn't even realize that tears were running down her cheeks.
She smiled at the advice of the bystanders, and even willingly held and tasted what they suggested. But her eyes kept straying upwards... to the basket containing her heart's desire.
And then, the walls faded way. Her loved ones disappeared. And she was face to face with the Shopkeeper.
Her heart sang, as she realized, with the distractions gone, that He was the one she was longing for. Not the treasures that came wrapped in shiny paper, nor the smells that filled her with longing.
He held out his arms, and she was enveloped by a love that finally made her heart whole...
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Pix From the Past Month
Pretty much I thank God every day for bringing these two precious friends into my life. The bond that I have with each of them, and that we have as a three-fold-cord is so deep that I wonder at times how it can get any better. And yet, each time we get together, it does.
This is from two Fridays ago when Jill and I went to see "Celtic Woman" in concert at the Verizon. This was to be our first of many pictures that evening, however, all things photo related were turned back at the door, so it ended up being the first and last :)
Vicki T!! My fellow trainer at work. We went to Dunkin Donuts for a coffee break and saw these amazingly large filters. She made a crack at how large they were and I stated my wish to wear one on my head. Our maker of iced coffees heard us and graciously bestowed them upon us as parting gifts.
Luke was one of my best friends through high school... we've been seperated by an entire continent for years, but he's back in NH now, and when we met for coffee, it was as if our high school friendship was just weeks ago. Only now, we are all grown up.
What erases a bad week? A Friday night out with the person who knows you and loves you for all that you are, of course. Last night we went to the best Mexican/American joint around, and between chips, salsa, pina coladas and laughter... friendship washed away the effects of a really l-o-n-g week.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Soul Mates
In a conversation with a friend a little while ago, I asked her whether she thought it was possible to have more than one soul mate in a lifetime?
And also, whether she thought it possible to have a soul mate that you will never marry, perhaps because of timing, circumstances, beliefs?
It's a difficult question. One that I think about... a lot.
Tonight, I asked another friend, and her answer made my heart happy.
That even though we all have a deep heart desire for a human soul mate who truly understands us, there's an even deeper desire.
One that can only be filled by Someone who created us.
Jesus is our Ultimate Soul Mate.
And also, whether she thought it possible to have a soul mate that you will never marry, perhaps because of timing, circumstances, beliefs?
It's a difficult question. One that I think about... a lot.
Tonight, I asked another friend, and her answer made my heart happy.
That even though we all have a deep heart desire for a human soul mate who truly understands us, there's an even deeper desire.
One that can only be filled by Someone who created us.
Jesus is our Ultimate Soul Mate.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Quelled By A Child
Tonight I was at dinner with a friend.
Neither said friend or myself is what we would refer to as quiet diners.
Part way through our meal, a family with small children was seated at the table next to us.
As we talked and laughed, their smallest child (I'm guessing two) looked at me and said,
"Silence!"
Neither said friend or myself is what we would refer to as quiet diners.
Part way through our meal, a family with small children was seated at the table next to us.
As we talked and laughed, their smallest child (I'm guessing two) looked at me and said,
"Silence!"
Monday, March 17, 2008
The Process
At first, an idea emerges as a tiny niggling in my mind.
Then it begins to grow, and continues until I can think of nothing else.
The words tumble over and over in my mind, as I struggle to visualize just how I want to see them on paper.
Composing them into a beautiful structure becomes my obsession.
I look frantically for pen and paper as the words start falling from my head to my hand.
My penmanship, which I desperately try to keep uniform, goes by the wayside as I race to jot down my thoughts.
Once the ideas are purged from my thoughts to paper, I stare at the mess of words and scribbles.
And I am happy.
For I have created.
Then it begins to grow, and continues until I can think of nothing else.
The words tumble over and over in my mind, as I struggle to visualize just how I want to see them on paper.
Composing them into a beautiful structure becomes my obsession.
I look frantically for pen and paper as the words start falling from my head to my hand.
My penmanship, which I desperately try to keep uniform, goes by the wayside as I race to jot down my thoughts.
Once the ideas are purged from my thoughts to paper, I stare at the mess of words and scribbles.
And I am happy.
For I have created.
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
JAMBOG - Part the Second
In which I must create a McGyver like ending (utilizing the four things from my previous post) to a scenario put forth by the Honorable VA Joneses.
I pick:
Scenario #3: You're imprisoned in an old castle dungeon. Guards stand outside your cell. A moat surrounds the castle. How do you escape?
There was no way I was going to sit around in this castle, while such things as an exciting job as employee trainer at a local health insurance company awaited. I had to act swiftly.
"Guard dear," I said in my most coaxing voice, "Kindly step this way." He put his face to the bars in the door, and I put mine close to his.
"You have two options... You can either listen to my clever ideas about me being outside of these walls, or you can be part of my escape. If you choose the latter, I will give you the prize I just won at work... all expenses paid trip to a sub-zero-yet-supposedly-very-romantic ice hotel."
"Um - I'm not supposed to be talking to you," he said, in an oafish tone, as most guards in old castles are stereotypically typecast to use.
I sighed, and as I did, brought my right hand (which had been cleverly unplugging and clutching the only source of light that had been provided in my "room") up to the bars and struck him firmly on the head... all the while thinking to myself that weapons in most stories are not as aesthetically pleasing as mine.
I went to the window and whistled shrilly three times... and up to the edge of the moat roared my rescuer, perched atop his trusty metal steed with sidecar... said sidecar waiting patiently for me to inhabit it.
"Do you have the money to pay off the other guard," I asked, blue eyes ready to go puppy-dog style if need be.
"Though I am money personified," said he... "we will not be needing the traditional dollars and cents" and with a flourish he unfurled his startling long comb over. It stretched across the moat, and with very little coaxing I climbed out of the window, trounced across his hair without getting my shoes wet, and settled myself happily in the sidecar.
And that is all I have to say about that...
I pick:
Scenario #3: You're imprisoned in an old castle dungeon. Guards stand outside your cell. A moat surrounds the castle. How do you escape?
There was no way I was going to sit around in this castle, while such things as an exciting job as employee trainer at a local health insurance company awaited. I had to act swiftly.
"Guard dear," I said in my most coaxing voice, "Kindly step this way." He put his face to the bars in the door, and I put mine close to his.
"You have two options... You can either listen to my clever ideas about me being outside of these walls, or you can be part of my escape. If you choose the latter, I will give you the prize I just won at work... all expenses paid trip to a sub-zero-yet-supposedly-very-romantic ice hotel."
"Um - I'm not supposed to be talking to you," he said, in an oafish tone, as most guards in old castles are stereotypically typecast to use.
I sighed, and as I did, brought my right hand (which had been cleverly unplugging and clutching the only source of light that had been provided in my "room") up to the bars and struck him firmly on the head... all the while thinking to myself that weapons in most stories are not as aesthetically pleasing as mine.
I went to the window and whistled shrilly three times... and up to the edge of the moat roared my rescuer, perched atop his trusty metal steed with sidecar... said sidecar waiting patiently for me to inhabit it.
"Do you have the money to pay off the other guard," I asked, blue eyes ready to go puppy-dog style if need be.
"Though I am money personified," said he... "we will not be needing the traditional dollars and cents" and with a flourish he unfurled his startling long comb over. It stretched across the moat, and with very little coaxing I climbed out of the window, trounced across his hair without getting my shoes wet, and settled myself happily in the sidecar.
And that is all I have to say about that...
Things That Are Way Strange... And Bad, Even
I have writer's block.
And I do not love it.
The end.
(The really frustrating thing is, there is a lot going on in my mind... I just can't get it out in words. And sometimes if I just admit that I have writer's block, the words explode.)
Cross your fingers!
And now... really the end.
And I do not love it.
The end.
(The really frustrating thing is, there is a lot going on in my mind... I just can't get it out in words. And sometimes if I just admit that I have writer's block, the words explode.)
Cross your fingers!
And now... really the end.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
JAMBOG, of course
From Darren/Sara's blog, I present to you my entries for JAMBOG...
Money
Mode of Transportation
Light
COLD
Money
Mode of Transportation
Light
COLD
Friday, February 22, 2008
The Blondes Have It
Due to the recent viewing of a movie in which the main character buys a villa in Tuscany on a whim, I've decided I must have one as well.
So, the other day I was online googling the daylights out of Tuscan villas.
And I went to this one site that had spectacular pictures, and all that one could ever want while searching for things that will never happen.
But I was puzzled.
Why would this website be entitled totuscany.com?
And what did "totu scany" have to do with anything?
When I figured it out, I was glad that no one could read my thoughts... and vowed that people would never know.
But because I am who I am, it took less than 30 seconds for me to share the story with a friend, because... that's how I roll!
So, the other day I was online googling the daylights out of Tuscan villas.
And I went to this one site that had spectacular pictures, and all that one could ever want while searching for things that will never happen.
But I was puzzled.
Why would this website be entitled totuscany.com?
And what did "totu scany" have to do with anything?
When I figured it out, I was glad that no one could read my thoughts... and vowed that people would never know.
But because I am who I am, it took less than 30 seconds for me to share the story with a friend, because... that's how I roll!
Saturday, February 16, 2008
He Loves Me
I love my nieces and nephews... passionately.
This comes as a shock to no one who knows me, or reads this blog.
Sometimes when I see them my heart hurts, because I love them so much.
And today my heart felt as if it would explode from my chest when I realized that God's love for me surpasses what I feel for those precious children.
Surpasses it by lengths I can't even begin to fathom.
This glimpse of love came from hearing one of my favorite songs on the radio. It's a remake of an old Phillips, Craig and Dean song, "When God Ran," this time sung by Across the Sky.
At the beginning of the song it describes God as One who never changes... is unshakeable... solid to the extreme
And then it switches over, showing God as a Father who not only loves His children, but pursues them... who scoops them up and holds them when they hurt... or when they've strayed
I long for the day that I feel His arms around me physically... the day that I get to put my head on His chest and truly rest.
But until that time I'm grateful He gives glimpses of His love... glimpses that keep me wanting more.
This comes as a shock to no one who knows me, or reads this blog.
Sometimes when I see them my heart hurts, because I love them so much.
And today my heart felt as if it would explode from my chest when I realized that God's love for me surpasses what I feel for those precious children.
Surpasses it by lengths I can't even begin to fathom.
This glimpse of love came from hearing one of my favorite songs on the radio. It's a remake of an old Phillips, Craig and Dean song, "When God Ran," this time sung by Across the Sky.
At the beginning of the song it describes God as One who never changes... is unshakeable... solid to the extreme
Almighty God
The Great I Am
Immoveable Rock
Omnipotent
Powerful
Awesome Lord
Victorious Warrior
Mighty Conqueror
Commanding King of Kings
And then it switches over, showing God as a Father who not only loves His children, but pursues them... who scoops them up and holds them when they hurt... or when they've strayed
The only time I ever saw Him run
Was when He ran to me,
Took me in His arms,
Held my head to His chest
And said "My son's come home again".
Looked in my face,
Wiped the tears from my eyes
With forgiveness in His voice
He said
"Son, do you know I still love you?"
I long for the day that I feel His arms around me physically... the day that I get to put my head on His chest and truly rest.
It caught me by surprise
It dropped me to my knees
When God ran
But until that time I'm grateful He gives glimpses of His love... glimpses that keep me wanting more.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
I Pose This Question
Why is it that men seem to have an aversion to umbrellas?
This morning, we received inches and inches of snow.
And then ice.
And then torrential rain fell all.day.long.
It was SO wet outside.
And yet, I saw not one man with an umbrella.
I saw many women with them.
I even had an extra one that I offered to a male specimen.
He declined. And then later complained of wet socks.
Is it considered de-masculinization for them to stay dry in rain?
I do not understand.
Enlighten me?
This morning, we received inches and inches of snow.
And then ice.
And then torrential rain fell all.day.long.
It was SO wet outside.
And yet, I saw not one man with an umbrella.
I saw many women with them.
I even had an extra one that I offered to a male specimen.
He declined. And then later complained of wet socks.
Is it considered de-masculinization for them to stay dry in rain?
I do not understand.
Enlighten me?
Friday, February 08, 2008
Beauty
"In one of the stars I shall be living.
In one of them I shall be laughing.
And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing.
When you look at the sky at night...
You, you will have stars that can laugh!"
- The Little Prince (Antoine De Saint-Exupéry)
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
We're Home!
Here we are... right before getting on board the ship.
Friend. Coffee. Ocean. Bible. Bahamas.Life really can't get much better than it was at that moment!
I've wanted to go parasailing for years!
Being that high above the islands (at least 300 feet) was an amazing experience! It was incredibly peaceful... and had a way of putting things in perspective.
Now I can cross that off my 30 by 30 list!!
This was about as much fun as a barrel of monkeys! Maybe even more so! We went all over Nassau. Didn't have a map, so just explored.
Exhilarating!!
The last morning... Sad it was over, but what an amazing time! So many happy memories!(this is just a fraction of the pictures... I loaded a bunch more on my Facebook page)
Saturday, January 26, 2008
So Much Truth
I've been loving this song lately!
I Still Believe
Scattered words and empty thoughts
Seem to pour from my heart
I've never felt so torn before
Seems I don't know where to start
But its now I feel Your grace fall like rain
From every fingertip
Washing away my pain
I still believe in Your faithfulness!
I still believe in Your truth.
I still believe in Your holy word.
Even when I dont see, I still believe!
Though the questions still fog up my mind
With promises I still seem to bear
Even when answers slowly unwind
It's my heart I see You prepare
But its now that I feel Your grace fall like rain
From every fingertip
Washing away my pain
The only place I can go is into Your arms
Where I throw to You my feeble prayers
In brokeness I can see
That this is Your will for me
Help me to know You are near
I still believe in Your faithfulness
I still believe in Your truth
I still believe in Your holy word
Even when I dont see, I still believe
- Jeremy Camp
I Still Believe
Scattered words and empty thoughts
Seem to pour from my heart
I've never felt so torn before
Seems I don't know where to start
But its now I feel Your grace fall like rain
From every fingertip
Washing away my pain
I still believe in Your faithfulness!
I still believe in Your truth.
I still believe in Your holy word.
Even when I dont see, I still believe!
Though the questions still fog up my mind
With promises I still seem to bear
Even when answers slowly unwind
It's my heart I see You prepare
But its now that I feel Your grace fall like rain
From every fingertip
Washing away my pain
The only place I can go is into Your arms
Where I throw to You my feeble prayers
In brokeness I can see
That this is Your will for me
Help me to know You are near
I still believe in Your faithfulness
I still believe in Your truth
I still believe in Your holy word
Even when I dont see, I still believe
- Jeremy Camp
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Fresh Beginnings
For my birthday I received a Willow Tree figurine of a girl with arms flung wide, reveling in the joy of life. And it made me cry. Because that’s what I had been… and what I longed to be again.
But I was stuck. I was hurting. There was none of the joy in life that I was used to experiencing.
The past year had been filled with difficult situations. Each time I would struggle to regain my footing, a new circumstance would come along my path and knock me down again.
I wasn’t sleeping. I was exhausted. And the closest to giving up that I’ve ever been.
In my exhaustion, there was a constant crying out… “Jesus… I can’t do this any more. Why are You doing this to me?” Sometimes it even took too much effort to vocalize my thoughts…or to get on my knees. I would be flat on my face, sobbing at the foot of the cross. And still, I felt so alone.
I was beginning to feel frantic. There had to be something better.
The desperation reached a fever pitch in December. I felt as if my spiritual life was hanging in the balance. Something had to break, or I would be the one breaking.
And I started looking ahead to 2008 - clinging to the fact that it could be a new slate. A fresh start.
My backbone began to stiffen, my soul began to wonder if there was a small glimmer of hope.
I began to tell myself I was not going to give up without a fight.
A plan began to formulate...
I knew that God wanted to meet with me. He wanted to be an “us.” But “us” as a word means “more than one,” so “us” only works when I make the choice to meet with Him.
It is so elementary… what I have been raised with… lived most of my life doing.
Since the beginning of the year, I’ve been immersing myself in Him. Relearning what it is to willingly spend time with Him. Instead of just screaming “I can’t do this,” choosing to rest in the fact that He’s not asking me to do it… at least not alone.
And the joy is returning. I no longer look at the Willow Tree figurine with envy. I look at her, smile, and throw my arms in the air as well.
Like Mary, as she sobbed in the garden that morning of His resurrection, Jesus came to me. He was waiting for me to stop crying long enough to hear His gentle, “Lindsay.”
"Your satisfaction with Him will never be greater than your desire for Him." - Dr Paul Chapell
Sunday, January 20, 2008
A Great Man
There are some fathers who emulate God's Father love... who teach you to crave His love, and not to fear Him.
My Dad is quietly one of those.
Happy birthday, Daddy.
There's not a day that goes by where I'm not thankful that I'm your little girl.
My Dad is quietly one of those.
Happy birthday, Daddy.
There's not a day that goes by where I'm not thankful that I'm your little girl.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
I Love to LAUGH!
Massage - $77
Bottled Water - $2.50
Sharing a laugh with a stranger - Priceless
This afternoon, after a most relaxing massage (with no Houston-esque extras, you'll be glad to know) I went to Barnes & Noble.
And while there, made a quick trip to the restroom. Another lady was ahead of me, but right before we walked in we saw a woman walk into the men's room.
First lady and I looked at each, shrugged our shoulders, and went into our respective stalls.
All was silent, and then we heard a horrified yell from beyond the wall.
And we both burst out laughing.
The laughing continued until we met again at the sink.
"I can't wait to tell my family about this," she said.
"And I can wait to tell my blog about this," thought I.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Emotional Bandaids
The original bandaid had been on for so long that I no longer knew what the wound underneath looked like.
When it hurt, I would just carefully place a fresh bandaid on top of all the others. From my vantage point, there was always a clean bandaid to look down at.
She came alongside and saw what I was choosing to turn a blind eye toward. A deep wound that would never have a chance to heal, because it was being jealously guarded by someone afraid of the pain that taking the years worth of bandaids off would entail.
A relationship of trust was built, and a tiny thought in my heart began to wonder what it would be like to uncover the wound.
The fear was still an insurmountable obstacle, but I was lovingly persuaded to let someone else do the revealing.
Silent tears rolling down my cheeks... shaking in fear... my soul laid completely bare.
Just as a child panicking at the thought of having a bandaid ripped off a skinned knee, the fear of what would be found was worse than the pain of the actual process.
Afterwards, sobs of exhaustion and relief. It was over.
The wound was revealed.
It could now start to heal.
When it hurt, I would just carefully place a fresh bandaid on top of all the others. From my vantage point, there was always a clean bandaid to look down at.
She came alongside and saw what I was choosing to turn a blind eye toward. A deep wound that would never have a chance to heal, because it was being jealously guarded by someone afraid of the pain that taking the years worth of bandaids off would entail.
A relationship of trust was built, and a tiny thought in my heart began to wonder what it would be like to uncover the wound.
The fear was still an insurmountable obstacle, but I was lovingly persuaded to let someone else do the revealing.
Silent tears rolling down my cheeks... shaking in fear... my soul laid completely bare.
Just as a child panicking at the thought of having a bandaid ripped off a skinned knee, the fear of what would be found was worse than the pain of the actual process.
Afterwards, sobs of exhaustion and relief. It was over.
The wound was revealed.
It could now start to heal.
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
My Wish for 2008
Twenty years from now
you will be more disappointed
by the things you didn't do
than by the ones you did do.
So throw off the bowlines,
sail away from the safe harbor.
Catch the trade winds in your sails.
Explore.
Dream.
Discover.
-Mark Twain
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
Shoppin' for Shovels
NH has had the snowiest December on record. And with yesterday's storm, it looks like January wants to beat some records as well.
So, at the top of my mental list of things to do this evening was "buy a shovel."
I told Dad about it. He said, "There are lots of shovels out there. Make sure you get one that's not too big for you... one that will work well for you."
Now I was envisioning a store with rows upon rows of shovels... all shapes, colors and sizes.
I told Steph. She said, "Uh oh - do you need me to go with you to buy this shovel?"
For goodNESS sake, thought I... this was supposed to be an easy thing to cross off my list. Now, everyone is questioning my shovel buying abilities.
I am 29.
I can buy a shovel on my own.
Target was my store of choice. I walked in, and there were no rows upon rows of shovels.
There was one small aisle, and it had only one type... and the handle was retractable... and I didn't like it.
I scoffed at their sad selection and informed the shovel aisle in no uncertain terms that I was taking my money to Lowe's, where I would have a fabulous selection to choose from, and would purchase the epitome of shovel perfection.
Into Lowe's I marched. And went to "Seasonal," because when you live in NH and it's January 2nd, "Seasonal" says to me "Shovels, Snowblowers, Ice, Sand, Etc."
Apparently the people who create the hanging signs in Lowe's work from FLORIDA, because the "Seasonal" section was filled with annuals, perennials, and enough dirt to cover just about anything you desired. WHO even plants flowers in January in NH??
By this time, having had my shovel buying prowess questioned, I was not going to fail on this mission. I looked all over, and finally had to ask someone.
He said, "I don't have many left," and pointed to FOUR shovels.
Who even knew that with the 87 feet of snow that we've gotten in the last three days, that others would want to purchase shovels as well?
The handles didn't retract... in fact, they were a little bent, supposedly to help my back, so I grabbed one and went to pay for it.
The cashier who rang me up works at the place that I work, so to make nice small talk I said, "Wow - it's a long day for you, eh?"
This apparently was the equivalent of me holding a knife to her throat, as she glared at me, mumbled something in the affirmative, and then threw my change at me.
Note to self... don't break cardinal rule of acknowledging co-workers outside the confines of our beloved building.
I walked my shovel back to my car, and informed it that it's name was now "Frank."
He sat up front, but he is not much of a conversationalist.
I got home, but it was so bitterly cold I had already decided Frank and I would shovel tomorrow... and when I turned into my driveway, much to my joyous surprise and relief I saw...
Frank was not needed tonight!
Someone had already shoveled me out.
So, at the top of my mental list of things to do this evening was "buy a shovel."
I told Dad about it. He said, "There are lots of shovels out there. Make sure you get one that's not too big for you... one that will work well for you."
Now I was envisioning a store with rows upon rows of shovels... all shapes, colors and sizes.
I told Steph. She said, "Uh oh - do you need me to go with you to buy this shovel?"
For goodNESS sake, thought I... this was supposed to be an easy thing to cross off my list. Now, everyone is questioning my shovel buying abilities.
I am 29.
I can buy a shovel on my own.
Target was my store of choice. I walked in, and there were no rows upon rows of shovels.
There was one small aisle, and it had only one type... and the handle was retractable... and I didn't like it.
I scoffed at their sad selection and informed the shovel aisle in no uncertain terms that I was taking my money to Lowe's, where I would have a fabulous selection to choose from, and would purchase the epitome of shovel perfection.
Into Lowe's I marched. And went to "Seasonal," because when you live in NH and it's January 2nd, "Seasonal" says to me "Shovels, Snowblowers, Ice, Sand, Etc."
Apparently the people who create the hanging signs in Lowe's work from FLORIDA, because the "Seasonal" section was filled with annuals, perennials, and enough dirt to cover just about anything you desired. WHO even plants flowers in January in NH??
By this time, having had my shovel buying prowess questioned, I was not going to fail on this mission. I looked all over, and finally had to ask someone.
He said, "I don't have many left," and pointed to FOUR shovels.
Who even knew that with the 87 feet of snow that we've gotten in the last three days, that others would want to purchase shovels as well?
The handles didn't retract... in fact, they were a little bent, supposedly to help my back, so I grabbed one and went to pay for it.
The cashier who rang me up works at the place that I work, so to make nice small talk I said, "Wow - it's a long day for you, eh?"
This apparently was the equivalent of me holding a knife to her throat, as she glared at me, mumbled something in the affirmative, and then threw my change at me.
Note to self... don't break cardinal rule of acknowledging co-workers outside the confines of our beloved building.
I walked my shovel back to my car, and informed it that it's name was now "Frank."
He sat up front, but he is not much of a conversationalist.
I got home, but it was so bitterly cold I had already decided Frank and I would shovel tomorrow... and when I turned into my driveway, much to my joyous surprise and relief I saw...
Frank was not needed tonight!
Someone had already shoveled me out.
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
A Little Re-cap of New Year's Eve
Last night, the festivities began at Texas Roadhouse with Drewey, Amy, DJ & Wes... oh, and me.
The wait was l-o-n-g... including much peanut tossing back and forth. A particularly bling-ed out patron was caught in the cross-fire once, but no harm done...
The food was amazing, as always, and then we headed back to DJ's place... losing Drewey to a Watch Night service along the way.
By the time we reached DJ's house, my body was seeing my food choice as a suicide attempt, and was doing all that it could to let me know it did not approve.
Every once in a while, since having my gallbladder taken out last fall, my body decides to revisit the fun times that gallbladder attacks were, just to see if I remember what they're like.
Believe me... I remember.
So, for about 45 minutes, I lay curled in a ball on DJ's bedroom floor, assuring my body we would get through this.
DJ came in and rubbed my back, and when I could uncurl, he lay down beside me, shoulder to shoulder, for support.
The wait was l-o-n-g... including much peanut tossing back and forth. A particularly bling-ed out patron was caught in the cross-fire once, but no harm done...
The food was amazing, as always, and then we headed back to DJ's place... losing Drewey to a Watch Night service along the way.
By the time we reached DJ's house, my body was seeing my food choice as a suicide attempt, and was doing all that it could to let me know it did not approve.
Every once in a while, since having my gallbladder taken out last fall, my body decides to revisit the fun times that gallbladder attacks were, just to see if I remember what they're like.
Believe me... I remember.
So, for about 45 minutes, I lay curled in a ball on DJ's bedroom floor, assuring my body we would get through this.
DJ came in and rubbed my back, and when I could uncurl, he lay down beside me, shoulder to shoulder, for support.
After I convinced my body that it would survive to see another year, we watched "Sleepless in Seattle" which is probably one of my top five favorites for movies. Wes threatened to go in and curl up in a ball on the floor at having to watch a chick-flick, but I think he made it through just fine.
On this day of focusing on what the last year held, and what the future may hold, I think on this...
I am lucky in the friends that I have!
Sunday, December 30, 2007
The World Says "It's Been Eight Years...
... you can forget."
My heart screams back, "NEVER."
When my Dad told me the news that Friday afternoon, I felt my body and my spirit split in two.
My mind floated above my body, numbly observing it crumpled on the floor, groaning under the weight of the most agonizing grief I'd ever experienced.
And at that moment, I thought that I would never be whole again.
But I learned that time does heal wounds.
I learned that the anguish that made it impossible to eat for days, eventually dulled.
The tears that were constantly on my cheeks, eventually dried.
I also learned that in choosing to live my life to the full, it honors her memory.
I've learned to smile instead of cry every time I put my perfume on, and to say her name in conversation, even when it seems awkward.
I've learned that grief goes from a piercing stab to a dull ache to a sweet savor.
That some days I can't remember what her laugh sounded like, and I panic.
But that on other days I remember something I'd forgotten, and it brings renewed happiness.
This summer we went to visit her... and I learned that it's harder than I thought it would be to kneel at the gravestone of a precious friend, brushing debris from the surface.
But I've also learned that friendship goes beyond death, and the countless tears I've cried will be replaced with sweet gales of laughter when we're reunited.
Someday.
My heart screams back, "NEVER."
When my Dad told me the news that Friday afternoon, I felt my body and my spirit split in two.
My mind floated above my body, numbly observing it crumpled on the floor, groaning under the weight of the most agonizing grief I'd ever experienced.
And at that moment, I thought that I would never be whole again.
But I learned that time does heal wounds.
I learned that the anguish that made it impossible to eat for days, eventually dulled.
The tears that were constantly on my cheeks, eventually dried.
I also learned that in choosing to live my life to the full, it honors her memory.
I've learned to smile instead of cry every time I put my perfume on, and to say her name in conversation, even when it seems awkward.
I've learned that grief goes from a piercing stab to a dull ache to a sweet savor.
That some days I can't remember what her laugh sounded like, and I panic.
But that on other days I remember something I'd forgotten, and it brings renewed happiness.
This summer we went to visit her... and I learned that it's harder than I thought it would be to kneel at the gravestone of a precious friend, brushing debris from the surface.
But I've also learned that friendship goes beyond death, and the countless tears I've cried will be replaced with sweet gales of laughter when we're reunited.
Someday.
Saturday, December 29, 2007
An Addie-ism
Addie pointed to the silver ring on my thumb...
"Does that mean that you're married?"
"No," I replied. "It just meant that I liked it, so I bought it."
She began to cry.
"I'm SORRY that you're so lonely," she wailed.
I tried to assure her that Aunt Lindsay was just fine with being single, that I'm not exorbitantly lonely.
A minute later she said,
"Well, at least you don't have to bother with a child... or cook larger meals."
Aaaah - the upswings of singledom.
"Does that mean that you're married?"
"No," I replied. "It just meant that I liked it, so I bought it."
She began to cry.
"I'm SORRY that you're so lonely," she wailed.
I tried to assure her that Aunt Lindsay was just fine with being single, that I'm not exorbitantly lonely.
A minute later she said,
"Well, at least you don't have to bother with a child... or cook larger meals."
Aaaah - the upswings of singledom.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Monday, December 24, 2007
A Quick Little Quip
I was playing my piano last night, and Addie was curled up in my living room chair.
The song finished, and her lilting little voice said,
"Your music is sweet. Sweet like candy."
LOVE!
Merry Christmas, my friends!
The song finished, and her lilting little voice said,
"Your music is sweet. Sweet like candy."
LOVE!
Merry Christmas, my friends!
Friday, December 21, 2007
Good Ol' Longfellow
I heard the bells on Christmas day
Their old familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet the words repeat
Of peace on earth, good will to men.
I thought how, as the day had come,
The belfries of all Christendom
Had rolled along the unbroken song
Of peace on earth, good will to men.
And in despair I bowed my head
'There is no peace on earth,' I said,
'For hate is strong and mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good will to men.'
Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
'God is not dead, nor doth He sleep;
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail
With peace on earth, good will to men.'
Till ringing, singing on its way
The world revolved from night to day,
A voice, a chime, a chant sublime
Of peace on earth, good will to men.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Of All The Indignities
I went to get my hair cut today.
The hydraulic in the chair was broken.
They made me sit on a booster seat.
The end.
The hydraulic in the chair was broken.
They made me sit on a booster seat.
The end.
Monday, December 10, 2007
It's Us... or Is It??
One can never tell when one is wearing glasses as large as one's face.
This is what I call the epitome of incognito!
Monday, December 03, 2007
More Thoughts on Chivalry
After my recent post on chivalry, I've done a lot more thinking on the topic... had some discussions with friends, and come to a bit more of an understanding of what I think on the topic.
Here are the results:
In my opinion the seeming death of chivalry was brought on by the whole women's lib movement, and those of us who are coming in the aftermath have to decide which side to stand on... and the lines have become grayed, so the choice is harder then ever to make.
As a single woman, I have both sides screaming at me... one side stating that I don't need anyone else to make my life fulfilling... or to help me survive. It's my responsibility to prove to the world that I am just as competent as my male counterparts... more competent even, and I don't need help. Asking for or accepting help is admitting weakness... and weakness is not to be tolerated, when the goal is equality.
The other side, the side that comes from inside my heart, knows that I was created differently. It yearns to be taken care of... to freely admit that sometimes I do need help. To acknowledge that it feels comforting when someone is taking care of me... and to take pride in being what the world scoffs at as the "weaker sex."
Living under the microscope, watched carefully for being an almost 30 single career woman is an interesting place to find myself... Some are scornful because I freely admit that all I want to be is a wife and mother. Others are filled with disdain because I'm refusing to sit at home and wait for my knight to come in and sweep me off my feet... instead, I'm out following my dreams in school, and making a living for myself.
Is this where I saw myself when daydreaming as a little girl? Not at all. I had the names of my yet-to-be-born children all picked out... and even some potential groom's names :)
So here I am, trying to find the balance. Trying to prove myself in the world, desperately not wanting to be pitied for my single status, and yet trying to remember to graciously accept help if needed...
But there is still that little bit of me that wants the world to know that if there's not that specific someone out there taking care of me right now, I can do a pretty good job taking care of myself.
PS - all of this does not take into account the three amazing men in my family, who take good care of me, though two of them live miles and miles away.
Just this morning, my big brother was out in the snow at 6:15 helping me get my car started when the battery died.
Here are the results:
In my opinion the seeming death of chivalry was brought on by the whole women's lib movement, and those of us who are coming in the aftermath have to decide which side to stand on... and the lines have become grayed, so the choice is harder then ever to make.
As a single woman, I have both sides screaming at me... one side stating that I don't need anyone else to make my life fulfilling... or to help me survive. It's my responsibility to prove to the world that I am just as competent as my male counterparts... more competent even, and I don't need help. Asking for or accepting help is admitting weakness... and weakness is not to be tolerated, when the goal is equality.
The other side, the side that comes from inside my heart, knows that I was created differently. It yearns to be taken care of... to freely admit that sometimes I do need help. To acknowledge that it feels comforting when someone is taking care of me... and to take pride in being what the world scoffs at as the "weaker sex."
Living under the microscope, watched carefully for being an almost 30 single career woman is an interesting place to find myself... Some are scornful because I freely admit that all I want to be is a wife and mother. Others are filled with disdain because I'm refusing to sit at home and wait for my knight to come in and sweep me off my feet... instead, I'm out following my dreams in school, and making a living for myself.
Is this where I saw myself when daydreaming as a little girl? Not at all. I had the names of my yet-to-be-born children all picked out... and even some potential groom's names :)
So here I am, trying to find the balance. Trying to prove myself in the world, desperately not wanting to be pitied for my single status, and yet trying to remember to graciously accept help if needed...
But there is still that little bit of me that wants the world to know that if there's not that specific someone out there taking care of me right now, I can do a pretty good job taking care of myself.
PS - all of this does not take into account the three amazing men in my family, who take good care of me, though two of them live miles and miles away.
Just this morning, my big brother was out in the snow at 6:15 helping me get my car started when the battery died.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Things That Are Bad
* Having a severe case of the giggles.
Things that are really bad
* Having said case of giggles in A&P class this night.
As I watched the professor flit back and forth between her notes, the book, the whiteboard, and the projector, a thought popped into my mind...
She is like a spastic octopus.
And no one can have a thought that profound, without having some sort of laughage.
Especially not me.
Things that are really bad
* Having said case of giggles in A&P class this night.
As I watched the professor flit back and forth between her notes, the book, the whiteboard, and the projector, a thought popped into my mind...
She is like a spastic octopus.
And no one can have a thought that profound, without having some sort of laughage.
Especially not me.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
One Symbol and One Signal
Yesterday as I was traveling down the highway, I came behind a car that had a little fish on the back.
"How nice," I thought, feeling instant solidarity with the driver.
I was in the left hand lane, so was beginning to pass him when he put his blinker on.
Being already half way past him, I didn't let him into my lane, as this would have entailed me braking quite heavily.
As I completed passing him, I looked over to see him... flipping me off!
And I did not like this.
Not one bit.
"How nice," I thought, feeling instant solidarity with the driver.
I was in the left hand lane, so was beginning to pass him when he put his blinker on.
Being already half way past him, I didn't let him into my lane, as this would have entailed me braking quite heavily.
As I completed passing him, I looked over to see him... flipping me off!
And I did not like this.
Not one bit.
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Tiara Envy
So, last evening Amy & I went out… and as we were leaving she said, “I dare you to wear that tiara.”
We’ve been friends for a very long time. She should have known better.
I wore it to dinner
To the Home Depot
To the movies
And to Barnes & Noble
There were many stares.
I can only imagine that it’s because the people of Manchester were jealous.
Because everyone secretly wants to wear a tiara.
True story.
We’ve been friends for a very long time. She should have known better.
I wore it to dinner
To the Home Depot
To the movies
And to Barnes & Noble
There were many stares.
I can only imagine that it’s because the people of Manchester were jealous.
Because everyone secretly wants to wear a tiara.
True story.
Friday, November 23, 2007
Is Chivalry Dead?
Or am I just becoming too self-sufficient to accept it?
I haven't lived at home for over 10 years... and I've had my own place for over five years.
If my toilet stops working, I fix it.
When my headlight goes out, I change it.
The mornings my car wont start, I jump it.
I lose something down the sink, I retrieve it.
Arms full and need a door opened, I use my feet.
And sometimes when I'm out and a guy doesn't hold the door, or cuts me off, or is just plain rude, I wonder if chivalry is dead...
But then I think maybe they would have treated me differently, given half a chance, but I was too focused on doing it myself.
There are still the guys who reach for the door, and our hands collide in mid-air. As I pull my hand back, I'm grateful... and a little ashamed... and I chalk one up for them on the side of chivalry lives on.
Chloe's Artwork
I took Chloe to work with me for a little while today, and she drew this masterpiece on the whiteboard in my classroom.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Basking In The Glow of Thankfulness
My heart is full of thanks, on this my favorite holiday!
The opportunity to write down all the things that make life worth living is a tradition that I cherish.
My life = so rich!
The opportunity to write down all the things that make life worth living is a tradition that I cherish.
My life = so rich!
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Memories From a Nine Year Old... and Beyond
Dad reading the Bible to Mom as she did her hair each morning, then the quiet discussions of what that passage meant to them
Mom and Dad, kissing as they pass each other in the kitchen
Each night, having Dad come in and either sitting on the end of the bed, or kneeling by my bed, praying for me
Being nine was twenty years ago, and since I've been home this weekend, I've seen all of these played out. Time hasn't changed any of them.
I slept better last night than I have in months. My spirit knows that it can relax... that all is right with the world... that it is home.
Mom and Dad, kissing as they pass each other in the kitchen
Each night, having Dad come in and either sitting on the end of the bed, or kneeling by my bed, praying for me
Being nine was twenty years ago, and since I've been home this weekend, I've seen all of these played out. Time hasn't changed any of them.
I slept better last night than I have in months. My spirit knows that it can relax... that all is right with the world... that it is home.
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
Things...
... I learned this week
* That I have amazing friends who care about what's going on in my life.
(I knew this already!)
* That I should have written a proviso along with my last post. Yes, life is life, but I wrote that bit a little while ago and thought it a beautiful piece that I wanted to share. Didn't realize that it would release the firestorm of care that it did... I've had emails and phone calls coming in all day from people concerned for my well-being. Thanks, my friends! God is good. All the time.
... I laughed at this week
When I was leaving the hospital on Monday night, I stopped in the playroom to say goodbye to Luke. I walked in and he said, "Don't come in here! I'm already on a date with someone else!"
"Aunt Lulu just came in to say goodbye and I love you," I said.
(long sigh) "Love you, too."
... I laughed at this day
As I was walking to my car tonight after work, a call came into my cell from a number that I didn't recognize. I answered, and the caller identified himself as an
ARMY RECRUITER!
He stated that they were calling all the students who were currently registered at NH Tech.
"Did you have plans for after you graduate," he wondered.
I informed him that I am almost 29 and work full time. (I left out the part about at the rate things are going with my schooling, I'll be 83 by the time I graduate!)
"Oh," said he. "Well, have you ever considered the military?"
"Yes," I replied... "and then I crossed it off my list of things to do."
True story!
* That I have amazing friends who care about what's going on in my life.
(I knew this already!)
* That I should have written a proviso along with my last post. Yes, life is life, but I wrote that bit a little while ago and thought it a beautiful piece that I wanted to share. Didn't realize that it would release the firestorm of care that it did... I've had emails and phone calls coming in all day from people concerned for my well-being. Thanks, my friends! God is good. All the time.
... I laughed at this week
When I was leaving the hospital on Monday night, I stopped in the playroom to say goodbye to Luke. I walked in and he said, "Don't come in here! I'm already on a date with someone else!"
"Aunt Lulu just came in to say goodbye and I love you," I said.
(long sigh) "Love you, too."
... I laughed at this day
As I was walking to my car tonight after work, a call came into my cell from a number that I didn't recognize. I answered, and the caller identified himself as an
ARMY RECRUITER!
He stated that they were calling all the students who were currently registered at NH Tech.
"Did you have plans for after you graduate," he wondered.
I informed him that I am almost 29 and work full time. (I left out the part about at the rate things are going with my schooling, I'll be 83 by the time I graduate!)
"Oh," said he. "Well, have you ever considered the military?"
"Yes," I replied... "and then I crossed it off my list of things to do."
True story!
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Thoughts
You've wanted this your whole life. You've begged, prayed, cried, and dreamed.
And on the horizon, you see the answer.
You run to it... spirit soaring... heart recognizing it's own dream.
As you reach to embrace it, you see amidst the hundreds of similarities, a core difference. And with horror you realize, this is not the long-awaited answer to your dream.
Your heart - a dichotomy.
One half, picking up it's shattered pieces - telling itself that in finding an answer so close to what it's dream was, there must be another one out there that fits perfectly.
The other half, willing and ready to give up - telling itself to focus on the similarities, and ignore the core difference. Mold your dream into a new one... one that melds with this answer, because life is short.
And you know, that even though you want the part of your heart that is ready to give up to win, true happiness would not be found with a core difference.
So, you continue on... begging, praying, crying and dreaming.
And on the horizon, you see the answer.
You run to it... spirit soaring... heart recognizing it's own dream.
As you reach to embrace it, you see amidst the hundreds of similarities, a core difference. And with horror you realize, this is not the long-awaited answer to your dream.
Your heart - a dichotomy.
One half, picking up it's shattered pieces - telling itself that in finding an answer so close to what it's dream was, there must be another one out there that fits perfectly.
The other half, willing and ready to give up - telling itself to focus on the similarities, and ignore the core difference. Mold your dream into a new one... one that melds with this answer, because life is short.
And you know, that even though you want the part of your heart that is ready to give up to win, true happiness would not be found with a core difference.
So, you continue on... begging, praying, crying and dreaming.
Monday, October 29, 2007
A Glimpse Back
She affectionately referred to me as "one of my best friends."
She jokingly called me "mom."
She would have been 27 today.
And she wrote this in my yearbook... "Never give up, never look back, and always have a box of tissues on hand - I hear the road is rough."
Little did she know, a good many of those tissues would be used mourning her.
But because of her, I try to live my life to the full... to never give up... and never look back.
However, on her birthday, I'm allowed a brief glimpse back... and the use of a few more tissues.
She jokingly called me "mom."
She would have been 27 today.
And she wrote this in my yearbook... "Never give up, never look back, and always have a box of tissues on hand - I hear the road is rough."
Little did she know, a good many of those tissues would be used mourning her.
But because of her, I try to live my life to the full... to never give up... and never look back.
However, on her birthday, I'm allowed a brief glimpse back... and the use of a few more tissues.
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Who's HOME???
ME!!!
And SO happy to be here... so happy. Practically kiss-the-ground happy!
And now, to let you in on the secret, let's review where I've not been:
Haiti
Oman
Uruguay
South Africa
Thailand
Oregon
Netherlands (the)
Put 'em together and what do you get?? Where Lindsay has been since last Monday! The fourth largest city in the country, in the "everything-is-bigger" state of TEXAS!
The training ended on Friday and I got to spend the rest of the weekend with my friends Will & Christian, baby-three-weeks-away-from-making-an-appearance & two of Christian's younger brothers. We had a good time of painting their new apartment, reminiscing about years spend in VA, eating at Whataburger, going to The Galleria (mall second only in size to the Mall of America) and playing Trivial Pursuit.
Overall, this trip was really good. And overall, I am pretty much the happiest girl in NH, being home, home, HOME!
And SO happy to be here... so happy. Practically kiss-the-ground happy!
And now, to let you in on the secret, let's review where I've not been:
Haiti
Oman
Uruguay
South Africa
Thailand
Oregon
Netherlands (the)
Put 'em together and what do you get?? Where Lindsay has been since last Monday! The fourth largest city in the country, in the "everything-is-bigger" state of TEXAS!
The training ended on Friday and I got to spend the rest of the weekend with my friends Will & Christian, baby-three-weeks-away-from-making-an-appearance & two of Christian's younger brothers. We had a good time of painting their new apartment, reminiscing about years spend in VA, eating at Whataburger, going to The Galleria (mall second only in size to the Mall of America) and playing Trivial Pursuit.
Overall, this trip was really good. And overall, I am pretty much the happiest girl in NH, being home, home, HOME!
Last But Not Least
Lindsay is NOT, I repeat NOT in the Netherlands!
And she'll be home on Sunday night...
Then the secret will be released.
The End.
And she'll be home on Sunday night...
Then the secret will be released.
The End.
Friday, October 26, 2007
Dear Claire,
You will know soon :)
I'll be back safe and sound in NH on Sunday...
For now, just know that I am not in Oregon!
Love,
Lindsay
I'll be back safe and sound in NH on Sunday...
For now, just know that I am not in Oregon!
Love,
Lindsay
Thursday, October 25, 2007
If I Were in Thailand, I'd Visit Tad & June
But I'm not, so I cant.
Today, was the last full day of training. Tomorrow we're only meeting from 7 - 12... then tomorrow afternoon, I get to see one of my friends whom I haven't seen in years. YAY!
I've learned a lot this trip - both about training and about myself. It's been a good opportunity and I'm incredibly grateful for the opportunity.
And I'll be incredibly glad to be back home!
Today, was the last full day of training. Tomorrow we're only meeting from 7 - 12... then tomorrow afternoon, I get to see one of my friends whom I haven't seen in years. YAY!
I've learned a lot this trip - both about training and about myself. It's been a good opportunity and I'm incredibly grateful for the opportunity.
And I'll be incredibly glad to be back home!
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Who's In South Africa??
One... two... three... Not it!
Today was a full day of training.
And now I'm off to watch my Red Sox win this thing!!
PS - I miss NH... a lot!
Today was a full day of training.
And now I'm off to watch my Red Sox win this thing!!
PS - I miss NH... a lot!
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
There Once Was a Girl...
... who didn't travel to Uruguay!
Before I left for this trip I had to fill out a traveling profile for the person who would book my flights, hotels, etc.
I put "preferably an aisle" for my flight preference. That apparently read "Lindsay wants to sit in the middle of two large men on both her flights... oh, and please make sure her seatmates fall asleep... and snore for the duration of both flights" to the person who booked my flights.
Also, for the hotel, a king size bed was requested for me. I got two doubles... so, if anyone wants to come to anywhere-but-Uruguay, come on down.
We had a full day of training today, and it was very informative. I like the guy who is running it, and I look forward to the next three days. I'll come back one of the world's best nine trainers, I have no doubt.
And that's what I have to say about that.
Before I left for this trip I had to fill out a traveling profile for the person who would book my flights, hotels, etc.
I put "preferably an aisle" for my flight preference. That apparently read "Lindsay wants to sit in the middle of two large men on both her flights... oh, and please make sure her seatmates fall asleep... and snore for the duration of both flights" to the person who booked my flights.
Also, for the hotel, a king size bed was requested for me. I got two doubles... so, if anyone wants to come to anywhere-but-Uruguay, come on down.
We had a full day of training today, and it was very informative. I like the guy who is running it, and I look forward to the next three days. I'll come back one of the world's best nine trainers, I have no doubt.
And that's what I have to say about that.
Monday, October 22, 2007
I Have Landed
And I'm not in Oman :)
Perhaps at a later time I will tell you all the things about the flight, but right now, I'm tired.
The end.
Perhaps at a later time I will tell you all the things about the flight, but right now, I'm tired.
The end.
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Us? Competitive?
There is a certain brother of mine with whom my competitive nature tends to show itself more often than not. I wont name any names, but he has red hair and lives next door to me.
When we were younger, it did nothing to help family harmony... now that we're grown, it brings much laughter.
In the last month we've been "helping" each other get healthier by making it a competition.
This morning, I was feeling quite smug as I started my walk at 7:15. "Really, I should get points for even being out of bed at 7:15 on a Sunday, much less walking my little feet off," I was thinking...
BLAST! Coming toward me, on his way HOME from his walk was the aforementioned brother.
When we got within yelling distance, I asked where he had walked to. He replied, "To the mini golf course... it's really dark out there at 2:00am." For those of you unfamiliar with NH geography, the mini golf course is at least seven miles from our home.
Not to be out-done I graciously informed him that I wouldn't be in attendance at church this morning, as I was walking to the Mall of NH and most certainly could not be back by 10:30.
(on a side note, when he told me where he had really walked to, I specifically went a little further, even though before seeing him I had been contemplating turning back because I was cold)
It makes me smile that this competitive must-always-beat-those-around-me gene has been passed on to his daughter. We'll be eating dinner, none of us aware that we're in a race, when suddenly Chloe will throw down her fork and declare, "I WIN!"
PS - This afternoon I am packing for my trip... and I'm not going to Haiti.
When we were younger, it did nothing to help family harmony... now that we're grown, it brings much laughter.
In the last month we've been "helping" each other get healthier by making it a competition.
This morning, I was feeling quite smug as I started my walk at 7:15. "Really, I should get points for even being out of bed at 7:15 on a Sunday, much less walking my little feet off," I was thinking...
BLAST! Coming toward me, on his way HOME from his walk was the aforementioned brother.
When we got within yelling distance, I asked where he had walked to. He replied, "To the mini golf course... it's really dark out there at 2:00am." For those of you unfamiliar with NH geography, the mini golf course is at least seven miles from our home.
Not to be out-done I graciously informed him that I wouldn't be in attendance at church this morning, as I was walking to the Mall of NH and most certainly could not be back by 10:30.
(on a side note, when he told me where he had really walked to, I specifically went a little further, even though before seeing him I had been contemplating turning back because I was cold)
It makes me smile that this competitive must-always-beat-those-around-me gene has been passed on to his daughter. We'll be eating dinner, none of us aware that we're in a race, when suddenly Chloe will throw down her fork and declare, "I WIN!"
PS - This afternoon I am packing for my trip... and I'm not going to Haiti.
Friday, October 19, 2007
The Trip of Which We Do Not Speak
A couple of weeks ago at work, I was given a big compliment by my supervisor. He chose me out of all the trainers at our company to attend additional training. Now, instead of training employees in our call center exclusively, starting in 2008 I will hopefully be traveling to many locations to help other trainers with their facilitation skills in the classroom.
It was an incredible boost to my spirit, and a wonderful answer to prayer, as I'd just been asking God to send something along to help me cherish the special stage of life that I'm currently in.
In an effort to keep all scary stalkers at bay, I've been advised to keep the location of my travels off my blog until I return.
So, I decided to make a game of it. I leave early this Monday, and will post on my blog each day a place that I am not! ha HA!
I leave you with this... I am not going to Madagascar!
It was an incredible boost to my spirit, and a wonderful answer to prayer, as I'd just been asking God to send something along to help me cherish the special stage of life that I'm currently in.
In an effort to keep all scary stalkers at bay, I've been advised to keep the location of my travels off my blog until I return.
So, I decided to make a game of it. I leave early this Monday, and will post on my blog each day a place that I am not! ha HA!
I leave you with this... I am not going to Madagascar!
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Things That Made Me Laugh This Week
Cards that come in the mail from my VA brother & sister-in-law that say...
Red Rover, Red Rover, send cute, financially stable, emotionally mature men right over!
LOVE IT!
Red Rover, Red Rover, send cute, financially stable, emotionally mature men right over!
LOVE IT!
Sunday, October 07, 2007
When Life Gives You Lemons...
... go to iParty with a friend & try on wigs!! (wonder why they didn't put THAT on a throw pillow?)
Thursday, October 04, 2007
Being Short = Danger, Danger!
This morning, after purchasing my iced Dunkin Donuts nectar-of-the-gods, I was walking across the parking lot to my car.
And there was a large semi trying to get out of a small place.
He was pulling out at a tight angle, and suddenly, all I saw to my very-close-right was his chrome grill!
But then he cut the wheel even more, and we made eye contact.
And he read in my eyes, "Please don't run me over, because that's not really fun for me."
And he didn't.
That is all.
And there was a large semi trying to get out of a small place.
He was pulling out at a tight angle, and suddenly, all I saw to my very-close-right was his chrome grill!
But then he cut the wheel even more, and we made eye contact.
And he read in my eyes, "Please don't run me over, because that's not really fun for me."
And he didn't.
That is all.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
A Tale of Two Cousins
DJ was born eight months before me and we've always been friends... close ones.
Growing up, he used to come and stay with our family a couple weeks each summer, and we'd spend hours talking, playing & betting Skittles on "Pass the Pigs," fighting, laughing... all the things that cousins do.
We went through Bible school together. When I was frustrated, he'd give me his arm to punch. And I'd give him my ear to talk to when he was frustrated.
There have been countless hours of laughing together. We saw each other through our first crushes, cried when our hearts got broken, and supported each other to where we are now.
When I moved back to NH, we lived next door to each other for the first four years, and the bond deepened.
There's nobody that I'll fight easier with, and there aren't many that I trust more.
If I ever stay home from work, I expect a phone call soon after 7:00, after he's driven by and seen my car still in the driveway... "Just checking in to make sure you're ok."
Or he can tell when it's been a bad week at work, and will call on a Saturday and let me know that he's ready for a ride on the bike, would I like to come along.
And this past week, when parts of my world were threatening to fall in on me in ways that I couldn't handle, he took over. He stood up for me, comforted me, drove to my house late at night, and called numerous times to get the status of my courage.
Right now, he's the happiest that I've ever seen him... and it makes me no end of happy for him.
Love you, Deej... thanks for being one of my best friends ever.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Dear Diary... My Life is Hard
1:16am - wake out of deep sleep to strong skunk odor in bedroom
convince self because of how light it is in bedroom, that alarm must be about to go off
shocked to see have been sleeping for less than two hours
in sleep-fogged mind think how to make sure skunk smell does not infiltrate clothes, bed, me
decide that air conditioner (with window space next to it filled in with cardboard/plastic, etc) is letting in a lot of skunk grossness
rip out cardboard & plastic, then realize air condition way too heavy for one person to get out of window
now stuck with large gaping hole next to air conditioner, where offending odor can wander in at will
open window tad bit more and watch air conditioner fall to the ground
feel pain and realize that left palm was in way of air conditioner as it fell, and is now scraped, pulsing and bleeding
close window
stare mournfully at fallen a/c unit
wonder briefly if skunk is in bedroom, as odor still strong
repair wounds with carebear band-aid
walk around entire apartment spraying yummy smelling deodorizer
crawl into bed
get out of bed after realizing sleep is going to elude me for awhile
be angry at late night talk show hosts never heard of who talk about asinine things
mute tv
blog about whacked-out experiences that only seem to happen to me
decide to pop in "House" DVD
hope to fall asleep on couch, lulled by the bitter diatribes of Hugh Laurie
convince self because of how light it is in bedroom, that alarm must be about to go off
shocked to see have been sleeping for less than two hours
in sleep-fogged mind think how to make sure skunk smell does not infiltrate clothes, bed, me
decide that air conditioner (with window space next to it filled in with cardboard/plastic, etc) is letting in a lot of skunk grossness
rip out cardboard & plastic, then realize air condition way too heavy for one person to get out of window
now stuck with large gaping hole next to air conditioner, where offending odor can wander in at will
open window tad bit more and watch air conditioner fall to the ground
feel pain and realize that left palm was in way of air conditioner as it fell, and is now scraped, pulsing and bleeding
close window
stare mournfully at fallen a/c unit
wonder briefly if skunk is in bedroom, as odor still strong
repair wounds with carebear band-aid
walk around entire apartment spraying yummy smelling deodorizer
crawl into bed
get out of bed after realizing sleep is going to elude me for awhile
be angry at late night talk show hosts never heard of who talk about asinine things
mute tv
blog about whacked-out experiences that only seem to happen to me
decide to pop in "House" DVD
hope to fall asleep on couch, lulled by the bitter diatribes of Hugh Laurie
Monday, September 17, 2007
Ten Random Things About Me
I was "tagged" on another website of mine, and figured I'd post it here as well... but without the guilt inducing of "tagging" 10 others.
And, all ten of these things are different than this post from last May.
1) My biggest fear is discovering a body hanging from my shower head
2) I am strangely addicted to reading biographies of random people and am currently reading one of a female neurosurgeon
3) Secretly, I've always wanted to be The Tollbooth Lady, repleat with obscenely long nails & multiple rings on each finger
4) My spelling is so poor that I keep dictionary.com or a Word document open all day long at work, so I can double check for typos (and that goes for at home when I'm writing or commenting on blogs)
5) Once I ran over a snake... it made a popping sound... I shiver uncontrollably every time I think about it
6) I attended W's first inauguration... but b/c I'm so short, couldn't see a darn thing. Periodically my over-six-feet-tall friends would launch me into the air for quick glances of the goings-on
7) I sang my first solo when I was five
8) In the last few days, I've probably killed over 30 crickets in my apartment
9) I have a shot glass collection, even though I don't drink
10) My Dad taught me how to make a mean egg roll!
And, all ten of these things are different than this post from last May.
1) My biggest fear is discovering a body hanging from my shower head
2) I am strangely addicted to reading biographies of random people and am currently reading one of a female neurosurgeon
3) Secretly, I've always wanted to be The Tollbooth Lady, repleat with obscenely long nails & multiple rings on each finger
4) My spelling is so poor that I keep dictionary.com or a Word document open all day long at work, so I can double check for typos (and that goes for at home when I'm writing or commenting on blogs)
5) Once I ran over a snake... it made a popping sound... I shiver uncontrollably every time I think about it
6) I attended W's first inauguration... but b/c I'm so short, couldn't see a darn thing. Periodically my over-six-feet-tall friends would launch me into the air for quick glances of the goings-on
7) I sang my first solo when I was five
8) In the last few days, I've probably killed over 30 crickets in my apartment
9) I have a shot glass collection, even though I don't drink
10) My Dad taught me how to make a mean egg roll!
Saturday, September 15, 2007
In Which I Tell Not-Quite-All About A&P
Another Thursday night... another A&P class...
I walked into the classroom and with great relief saw that my shadow from last week was sitting several rows up from my self-proclaimed Lindsay Spot, and next to another participant.
My heart soared as I walked to my seat in the back corner of the room and put my stuff down. I would not be up-cracked in the knuckle department! I would not be subjected to attempted side conversations...
In the middle of my internal joyous soliloquy, she looked around, saw me all by myself, packed up her books and came to plunk her person next to mine.
"My back row buddy would have missed me," said she.
What I said cannot be repeated on this blog.
Or rather, I smiled at her and made some mumblings of "You know it" or some such trite saying.
Hairdo Lady was in rare form again... my favorite style being most of her hair in a bun, with a rat-tail-ish thing hanging down her back... and then, heaven help us all, the rat-tail was put in a ponytail... and at various junctions during the evening, threatened to be braided as well.
I fantasized about giving her a haircut. Preferably one that left only about a half inch of hair all over her head.
Oh, and I learned stuff about A&P as well.
Cells are small.
Smaller than what we can see with the human eye. And yet, they have about 873 parts, all of which are named with names that are mighty in syllable!
But, I had my first-of-the-season Pumpkin Latte from Starbucks that I nursed through the first portion of class... and that spells L-O-V-E!
(Stay tuned for next week's post entitled "Tales from the person who sat on the professor's desk, so she wouldn't ever be distracted again...")
I walked into the classroom and with great relief saw that my shadow from last week was sitting several rows up from my self-proclaimed Lindsay Spot, and next to another participant.
My heart soared as I walked to my seat in the back corner of the room and put my stuff down. I would not be up-cracked in the knuckle department! I would not be subjected to attempted side conversations...
In the middle of my internal joyous soliloquy, she looked around, saw me all by myself, packed up her books and came to plunk her person next to mine.
"My back row buddy would have missed me," said she.
What I said cannot be repeated on this blog.
Or rather, I smiled at her and made some mumblings of "You know it" or some such trite saying.
Hairdo Lady was in rare form again... my favorite style being most of her hair in a bun, with a rat-tail-ish thing hanging down her back... and then, heaven help us all, the rat-tail was put in a ponytail... and at various junctions during the evening, threatened to be braided as well.
I fantasized about giving her a haircut. Preferably one that left only about a half inch of hair all over her head.
Oh, and I learned stuff about A&P as well.
Cells are small.
Smaller than what we can see with the human eye. And yet, they have about 873 parts, all of which are named with names that are mighty in syllable!
But, I had my first-of-the-season Pumpkin Latte from Starbucks that I nursed through the first portion of class... and that spells L-O-V-E!
(Stay tuned for next week's post entitled "Tales from the person who sat on the professor's desk, so she wouldn't ever be distracted again...")
Monday, September 10, 2007
Not Quite A Wandering Minstrel
More like a Studying Geekstrel...
I made some flashcards to help me study for A&P.
And I decided to take a walk and study at the same time.
Until I got to the church, and heard low guttural sounds and much rustling in the bushes.
So, I made the wise choice to go back home.
And I walked around and around and around our driveway. I think ten times is a mile... I'm sure I did more than that.
Studying, studying, studying.
Who's idea was it to call the front of the leg "crural" and the back of the leg "sural?" They sound like badly named twins.
However, in my humble opinion, I think that the front of the knee being "patellar" and the back "popliteal" is just plain clever!
I made some flashcards to help me study for A&P.
And I decided to take a walk and study at the same time.
Until I got to the church, and heard low guttural sounds and much rustling in the bushes.
So, I made the wise choice to go back home.
And I walked around and around and around our driveway. I think ten times is a mile... I'm sure I did more than that.
Studying, studying, studying.
Who's idea was it to call the front of the leg "crural" and the back of the leg "sural?" They sound like badly named twins.
However, in my humble opinion, I think that the front of the knee being "patellar" and the back "popliteal" is just plain clever!
Sunday, September 09, 2007
A & P = Good!
And so it begins! The chronicling of my classes & studies. Basic A&P started on Thursday night, and I've thought of not much else since then.
The class goes from 5:00 - 10:15, which I consider a long time, especially after a full day of work... however, the information on the first night was completely fascinating, and I loved being in a classroom setting again. At least, I loved it until 8:25, but that'll come later.
Even though I'm an extreme people person, going into new situations with lots of strangers fills me with quite a bit of angst, so when I got to the classroom, I went to the back row, arranged my books around me and tried to exude please-don't-sit-next-to-me-ness. I think I was born without that specific gene, because my life consistently shows that no matter how much I try to give off that vibe, it has the opposite effect.
The room was eerily quiet as everyone sat there, waiting for class to begin, when the door opened and in walked this girl who was probably well over six feet. She looked all around the room and started walking toward the back... and to the seat next to me. In the dead silence, she turned, smiled and yelled "HI." I about came out of my chair!
During class, I could see her in my peripheral vision, and she was constantly staring at me. I'd crack my knuckles - she'd crack seven of hers. I'd take notes - she'd start writing feverishly. At 8:25, after lots of talk of body regions, cavities, medical names of things, and other fascinating subjects, the professor said, "Now it's time for chemistry." Had my teeth fallen out of my head like they wanted to, I'm sure my shadow would have produced some as well.
"I've already TAKEN chemistry," she stage whispered to me. I tried to focus on my notes.
"I'VE ALREADY TAKEN CHEMISTRY," she said, getting closer to me. I smiled and shrugged my shoulders.
At this point, I was hanging onto the information being taught by a very fine thread, and couldn't be distracted by giants who had already taken chemistry.
But she & I weren't the only students in the class. There were 18 in total... and being the consummate people watcher that I am, I had to keep reminding myself that I needed to listen to what the professor was saying, instead of wondering what the life story of each of my classmates was.
One lady in the front row started out the evening with a beautiful french braid. A little while later I thought, "Hey - where'd french braid lady go?" She was still there, but had taken down her hair. A few minutes later it was up in a pony tail... then down again... the two pony tails... then down and twirled around her fingers... then up... she changed hairstyles at least 17 times during class. (And NO, I wasn't counting. I was focusing on chemistry!)
Or the person in front of me who was taping the class on her little hand held recorder. She would pick it up every couple of minutes to see if it was still doing it's job.
Or the very young person who looked at the clock almost continuously, and would sigh when the minutes weren't moving fast enough for her liking.
In Swedish Massage 1, there wasn't a lot of studying, and even less homework involved. This class will be very different, but I'm ready to take on the challenge... I'll be even more ready when the chemistry portion is over!
So - to recap:
A&P = good
Chemistry = not so much
The class goes from 5:00 - 10:15, which I consider a long time, especially after a full day of work... however, the information on the first night was completely fascinating, and I loved being in a classroom setting again. At least, I loved it until 8:25, but that'll come later.
Even though I'm an extreme people person, going into new situations with lots of strangers fills me with quite a bit of angst, so when I got to the classroom, I went to the back row, arranged my books around me and tried to exude please-don't-sit-next-to-me-ness. I think I was born without that specific gene, because my life consistently shows that no matter how much I try to give off that vibe, it has the opposite effect.
The room was eerily quiet as everyone sat there, waiting for class to begin, when the door opened and in walked this girl who was probably well over six feet. She looked all around the room and started walking toward the back... and to the seat next to me. In the dead silence, she turned, smiled and yelled "HI." I about came out of my chair!
During class, I could see her in my peripheral vision, and she was constantly staring at me. I'd crack my knuckles - she'd crack seven of hers. I'd take notes - she'd start writing feverishly. At 8:25, after lots of talk of body regions, cavities, medical names of things, and other fascinating subjects, the professor said, "Now it's time for chemistry." Had my teeth fallen out of my head like they wanted to, I'm sure my shadow would have produced some as well.
"I've already TAKEN chemistry," she stage whispered to me. I tried to focus on my notes.
"I'VE ALREADY TAKEN CHEMISTRY," she said, getting closer to me. I smiled and shrugged my shoulders.
At this point, I was hanging onto the information being taught by a very fine thread, and couldn't be distracted by giants who had already taken chemistry.
But she & I weren't the only students in the class. There were 18 in total... and being the consummate people watcher that I am, I had to keep reminding myself that I needed to listen to what the professor was saying, instead of wondering what the life story of each of my classmates was.
One lady in the front row started out the evening with a beautiful french braid. A little while later I thought, "Hey - where'd french braid lady go?" She was still there, but had taken down her hair. A few minutes later it was up in a pony tail... then down again... the two pony tails... then down and twirled around her fingers... then up... she changed hairstyles at least 17 times during class. (And NO, I wasn't counting. I was focusing on chemistry!)
Or the person in front of me who was taping the class on her little hand held recorder. She would pick it up every couple of minutes to see if it was still doing it's job.
Or the very young person who looked at the clock almost continuously, and would sigh when the minutes weren't moving fast enough for her liking.
In Swedish Massage 1, there wasn't a lot of studying, and even less homework involved. This class will be very different, but I'm ready to take on the challenge... I'll be even more ready when the chemistry portion is over!
So - to recap:
A&P = good
Chemistry = not so much
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Tonight, as I stared at the Stars...
... and once again asked God questions, I remembered this song that a friend sang for me when I was leaving VA. It was true five years ago... It's true now.
I was hoping you would write to me a message in the stars
As if the stars themselves were not enough
And I awaited your arrival here from some place very far
As if I couldn't feel your constant touch
There you are - loving me like crazy
There you are - though I am unaware
There you are - when my heart is doubting
Even there you are
I was waiting for a miracle and hoping for a sign
As if each breath I take is not a gift
And I was acting just as if the way you gave your life for mine
Didn't have my foolish heart convinced
There you are - loving me like crazy
There you are - though I am unaware
There you are - when my heart is doubting
Even there you are
I was hoping you would write to me a message in the stars
As if the stars themselves were not enough
-Carolyn Arends
Saturday, September 01, 2007
Saturday Equation
DJ + Me + motorcycle + long ride = H.A.P.P.I.N.E.S.S
I suggested we keep riding... like maybe to Minnesota.
He said he had to be home by 5:00.
I suspect he just doesn't like Minnesota.
I suggested we keep riding... like maybe to Minnesota.
He said he had to be home by 5:00.
I suspect he just doesn't like Minnesota.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Sunday, August 26, 2007
A Savior Complex
In an evening meeting last week, Pastor Tad mentioned how as alive Christians we need to be able to feel other people's pain. He talked about bearing other's burdens. And I agreed... his talk excited me, because I love people and yearn to help... yet the thought also exhausted me, because I often allow myself to feel their pain much too deeply.
And as I talked with Amy about it afterwards, and continued thinking about it throughout the week, I realized the exhaustive panic comes from carrying all the pain myself. I forget to take the next step, and lay the pain down at the foot of the cross.
There are times that I am not called to go through the deep waters that others have been called to go though.
Nor have I been called to save the people who are in those waters. That was already done... by Someone much more qualified than myself.
I have merely been called to support... and to take the hurt, anger, pain, sickness, sadness, and brokenness to the place it belongs... to the cross... and then to leave it there.
And as I talked with Amy about it afterwards, and continued thinking about it throughout the week, I realized the exhaustive panic comes from carrying all the pain myself. I forget to take the next step, and lay the pain down at the foot of the cross.
There are times that I am not called to go through the deep waters that others have been called to go though.
Nor have I been called to save the people who are in those waters. That was already done... by Someone much more qualified than myself.
I have merely been called to support... and to take the hurt, anger, pain, sickness, sadness, and brokenness to the place it belongs... to the cross... and then to leave it there.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
The Return of The Swamp Rat
Back in June, I posted about my leaking car that turned my "I-need-to-wear-this-jacket-because-the-AC-at-work-was-on-overdrive" jean jacket into a thing reeking of swampness.
This morning I pulled out that same jacket, because Fall is fast descending on this great state!
And as I did so, I got a strange whiff... of swamp.
WHO, I ask you, in ALL OF CREATION just hangs a swamp-smelling jacket up in the coat closet without WASHING the swampness out of it first?? Just so that two months down the road, one can be surprised all over again by the joy of repelling all those around them with the stench.
Apparently, that would be me.
This morning I pulled out that same jacket, because Fall is fast descending on this great state!
And as I did so, I got a strange whiff... of swamp.
WHO, I ask you, in ALL OF CREATION just hangs a swamp-smelling jacket up in the coat closet without WASHING the swampness out of it first?? Just so that two months down the road, one can be surprised all over again by the joy of repelling all those around them with the stench.
Apparently, that would be me.
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Once I Was Afraid - I Was Petrified...
I signed up to take Basic Anatomy & Physiology. And I was really excited about said class. It begins in just a few weeks, so I decided to get a jump-start on learning. I went to Barnes & Noble yesterday and scoured several A&P books... and realized that I'm completely screwed!
Who even named these stupid muscles that we have?? Was there a ban on easy when they did so?
For those of us who are not confident spellers, it seems like some sort of sick joke that not only will I need to know where the Sternocleidomastiodeus muscle is and what it does, but that I'll also need to SPELL IT??
After seeing names like Flexor Digitorum Longum and Supraspinatus, I almost kissed the page on which I found the hamstring!
If anyone needs me in the next four months, I'll be the one rocking back and forth, eyes wide in terror, mumbling softly to myself... but don't be surprised if you can't understand the words I'm saying... they're probably just the names of the muscles that I'm using to rock back and forth.
Who even named these stupid muscles that we have?? Was there a ban on easy when they did so?
For those of us who are not confident spellers, it seems like some sort of sick joke that not only will I need to know where the Sternocleidomastiodeus muscle is and what it does, but that I'll also need to SPELL IT??
After seeing names like Flexor Digitorum Longum and Supraspinatus, I almost kissed the page on which I found the hamstring!
If anyone needs me in the next four months, I'll be the one rocking back and forth, eyes wide in terror, mumbling softly to myself... but don't be surprised if you can't understand the words I'm saying... they're probably just the names of the muscles that I'm using to rock back and forth.
Friday, August 17, 2007
Homesick
The dictionary defines being homesick as "longing to return home." How then can I explain being homesick for a place that I've never been?
This morning as I drove to work, the sun was absolutely beautiful as it broke through the clouds. The glow was stunning, and I felt as if I had been granted a glimpse into Heaven. And I was so homesick, I cried...
Another part of the dictionary's definition is "acutely longing for one's family or home." Perhaps that's where homesickness comes into play when thinking about Heaven.
This morning's sunrise made me feel like it was just a matter of stretching my arms out a little further and I would be dancing with Mindy... or getting to know Grandma Springer on level different than I could as a third grader... or being wrapped in one of Uncle Lloyd's better-than-anyone's hugs... enjoying Andrew's wonderfully dry sense of humor... laughing at the bluebirds with Mrs Holland... enjoying the mutual admiration society of being around Aunt Jan... hugging nieces & nephews that have been whisked away from earth before we had a chance to hold them... and best of all - throwing myself at Jesus' feet, and feeling Him wrap His arms around me, lift me to my feet and hearing Him whisper in my ear, "Well done..."
You're in a better place,
I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken,
the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you?
I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now
Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home
In Christ, there are no goodbye
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again
And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now
- Homesick by MercyMe
This morning as I drove to work, the sun was absolutely beautiful as it broke through the clouds. The glow was stunning, and I felt as if I had been granted a glimpse into Heaven. And I was so homesick, I cried...
Another part of the dictionary's definition is "acutely longing for one's family or home." Perhaps that's where homesickness comes into play when thinking about Heaven.
This morning's sunrise made me feel like it was just a matter of stretching my arms out a little further and I would be dancing with Mindy... or getting to know Grandma Springer on level different than I could as a third grader... or being wrapped in one of Uncle Lloyd's better-than-anyone's hugs... enjoying Andrew's wonderfully dry sense of humor... laughing at the bluebirds with Mrs Holland... enjoying the mutual admiration society of being around Aunt Jan... hugging nieces & nephews that have been whisked away from earth before we had a chance to hold them... and best of all - throwing myself at Jesus' feet, and feeling Him wrap His arms around me, lift me to my feet and hearing Him whisper in my ear, "Well done..."
You're in a better place,
I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken,
the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you?
I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now
Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home
In Christ, there are no goodbye
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again
And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now
- Homesick by MercyMe
Friday, August 10, 2007
Dr Laura Says...
... that mothers and daughters shouldn't be best friends. She says that there should be a closeness, but not a best friend relationship.
I disagree...
I've always loved my mother, and always looked to her for advice, but in the last 15 years she's become one of the people that I most love talking with, spending time with, and just being with.
Because of geographical distance, giving her hugs is not a part of my daily life, but there are other things, like daily phone calls, that keep us close.
So on this day, an anniversary of her birth, I say, "Happy birthday, Mom. I love that you're my best friend!"
Pity we wont make it into any of Dr Laura's books :)
I disagree...
I've always loved my mother, and always looked to her for advice, but in the last 15 years she's become one of the people that I most love talking with, spending time with, and just being with.
Because of geographical distance, giving her hugs is not a part of my daily life, but there are other things, like daily phone calls, that keep us close.
So on this day, an anniversary of her birth, I say, "Happy birthday, Mom. I love that you're my best friend!"
Pity we wont make it into any of Dr Laura's books :)
Monday, August 06, 2007
Satirical Happy Book
Years ago I went through a nice long stage of keeping my spirits lifted by writing down at least three things I was grateful for/ happy about before going to bed each evening. It was a good way to wind down, and got my thoughts in a better place before drifting off.
During that time, with the help of a cleverly resourceful friend, on the not-so-good days, we resorted to a satirical happy book... and to tell the truth, this was often times much more fun. We'd chortle with glee at each new entry, and it did just as much to raise the spirits as the real-live happy book.
When I lived and worked in VA, another friend and I would email back and forth things we were happy about, when the days seemed especially hard or long.
At work, I've been dubbed Pollyanna, and today as someone was complaining about the horribleness of this particular Monday, I knew I'd be taking my life in my hands to try the whole "How about think of things that you're happy about, and we can write them back and forth to each other."
So, I pulled out the satirical suggestion, and it once again amazed me how quickly irritants can become laughable when sharing them in satire!
(Somewhere, niggling in the back of my mind, I wonder if I've blogged about the satirical happy book before. How awkward and embarrassing if it turned out I was plagiarizing myself!!)
During that time, with the help of a cleverly resourceful friend, on the not-so-good days, we resorted to a satirical happy book... and to tell the truth, this was often times much more fun. We'd chortle with glee at each new entry, and it did just as much to raise the spirits as the real-live happy book.
When I lived and worked in VA, another friend and I would email back and forth things we were happy about, when the days seemed especially hard or long.
At work, I've been dubbed Pollyanna, and today as someone was complaining about the horribleness of this particular Monday, I knew I'd be taking my life in my hands to try the whole "How about think of things that you're happy about, and we can write them back and forth to each other."
So, I pulled out the satirical suggestion, and it once again amazed me how quickly irritants can become laughable when sharing them in satire!
(Somewhere, niggling in the back of my mind, I wonder if I've blogged about the satirical happy book before. How awkward and embarrassing if it turned out I was plagiarizing myself!!)
Saturday, August 04, 2007
Thursday, August 02, 2007
A Classy Establishment
Amy & I frequent a yummy restaurant in Manchester... and on the way back from our last trip, we saw this. Tells you a little about the area our fave food is in. But the burritos are amazing! What can we say?
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Things I Love...
* Being pampered
* Uncle Rick & Aunt Kath
Things I love a LOT
* Being pampered BY Uncle Rick & Aunt Kath!
(this past weekend was spent in Maine... drinking coffee on the swing looking at the lake, going out to eat, napping in the hammock, going out in the kayak, tubing, swimming, l-o-n-g afternoon boat ride, movie watching, lots of wonderful chats, and being LOVED by two people whom I adore!)
* Uncle Rick & Aunt Kath
Things I love a LOT
* Being pampered BY Uncle Rick & Aunt Kath!
(this past weekend was spent in Maine... drinking coffee on the swing looking at the lake, going out to eat, napping in the hammock, going out in the kayak, tubing, swimming, l-o-n-g afternoon boat ride, movie watching, lots of wonderful chats, and being LOVED by two people whom I adore!)
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